Leave Your Phone Alone

Phones.

Some people really do have them glued onto their hands don’t they? It’s not bad to always have your phone with you. I know that now in the time that we live in we are all dependent on our phones. It being because we need to keep in touch with a loved one or for work reasons, the phone has become a major part of …our body.

But when is too far, too far? I usually have my phone with me at all times. I wont leave my home with out it. I even take it into the bathroom and listen to music while I shower. The phone has so many uses, from giving you directions to lighting up a dark room, the phone has become something that we need every single day. But just because I have my phone with me all the time does not mean that I am on it constantly. Its just at my side for when I need to use it.

Some people just don’t know how to put it down. They will be checking it every ten minutes. They will go on social media, people who use it for work will work on their phone even when their home away from their office or while they are on vacation.

The thing that bugs me the most is when you are eating with someone and all they do is check their phone every so often. Or they check it when they are bored, I guess you’re not entertaining enough then? You might as well be eating alone in that case. Do you grab your phone so you wont look weird next to the person you are with? Or do you just sit there and wait until they see how rude they are being?

I don’t mind if you have to occasionally text someone or you get a call. Just let me know you have to reply to someone. When you are talking to someone and they grab their phone and start texting or change their face expressions while staring at the screen, you already know that you have lost their attention. Not to mention its so disrespectful and just flat out rude.

I guess what I am trying to say is if you’re with someone, leave your phone alone. Put your phone down once in a while. I’m not saying leave with out it or lock it in the safety box, no. Put it down, look at where you are and what you are doing. Are you with some one you care about or that they care about you? Then maybe you should pay them the attention and not some robotic device.

I’m Searching For Something That I Can’t Reach

I am very romantic. I am border line cheesy and corny. Hey, I’m a nice guy. I love, love. And I understand that there are people out there that could care less about getting roses, about getting called sweet things, and would gag and barf at the sight of heart shaped balloons and chocolates, but not me. I want those things, I would kill for those things.

Valentines is around the corner and this will be the very first Valentines Day in my entire life when I actually have a significant other to share it with. I was never that person that hated the holiday because I was alone and single. When that time came around sure I would get sad but I would never get bitter. I would just sit back and think of all the romantic things I could be doing with a boyfriend. All the sweet cheesy corny things we could get each other. From little love notes on cards to big giant teddy bears. Its not just that day either, I think about being sweet all the time, that’s just how my brain works.

Now that I am in a relationship you think that this year will be different. But I don’t think it will. (I hate talking about this, it feels like I’m hating on him, so sorry my love if you ever get a chance to read this). My boyfriend is not romantic. He wouldn’t know what romance was if it hit him with a truck, stopped, backed up, and ran him over again.

I may be exaggerating but its true. Its not like I haven’t talked to him about it, we have. But it only got better for the shortest time. This relationship has become really hard form me because of that reason. Don’t get me wrong I love him to death, with all my heart, I just wish he was a little more romantic.

This isn’t something new to me. I have always been a hopeless romantic. That rose colored haze that couples in romance movies live in is what I have always craved. And its not just in movies. I see it every where I go. Romance. People doing these cheesy romantic things for their significant others just for the fun of it, its not even to prove anything its just because its cute and they want to do it.

He is only romantic when I remind him to be. Only when I send him cute little quotes will he send some back around the same time. But if I don’t, it will be weeks before he sends one of his own. And if I just keep reminding him its like I am dating myself because I am telling him to be romantic, so in the end I am making him do it when I want it to come from his heart because he loves me.

It sounds like I am complaining, because I am and I have the right to. I just wonder if this is how its going to be all the time. Am I always going to have to beg for romance? Will I always feel this way? I want to be swept off my feet, I want to be caught off guard with a cute little gift. I want to cry happy emotional tears of joy. I do a lot of title romantic shit, I would just like it to be reciprocated.

I sometimes do a full circle and blame myself. I am needy, I tell myself. Maybe I am just asking for way too much? I should just be happy with what I have right? I should just feel content? Why can’t I just feel satisfied?

I feel that “I’m searching for something that I can’t reach.” (Halsey).

Changes

I have decided to make some changes to my lifestyle.

Call Me Britney Spears because I did it again, I gained weight. I know I shouldn’t be so concerned about gaining weight here and there, with all the self love that’s allegedly going around now a days. And I wish I could be one of those people that just doesn’t give a fuck about how their body looks like, but sadly I am not.

I like to feel good about my body, I want to be and feel healthy. I don’t want abs and biceps and all that either. I just want to look like I take care of myself. Maybe its a body image issue? I don’t know, it gives me confidence, makes me feel good. Maybe I have a mental issue, who knows? The jury is still out.

To fix this I have decided to quit sugary drinks. Soda, coffee, and juices. I need to only focus on drinking water. Sugar is my main problem. That’s why I’m cutting it out of my life. I’ve done it before and not only have I dropped in pounds, my skin and mood got so much better too, along with my energy levels.

Another change I would like to make is reading. I don’t do it. I used to do a lot of it. But now all I do is binge watch shows. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney, and YouTube have all taken up my time. They have literally taken control of my life. In this time and age everyone is watching something, I miss reading. I miss using my own imagination to paint the scenes and make them how I want them to be in my head. Like, what happened to reading? When was the last time you read a book? I went to the store today after the gym and I grabbed a book. I plan to read it before bed every night, I heard that even helps with falling asleep too, so there’s another benefit.

Those are just two things that I want to change as soon as I can. There are many other things I am also working on as a person and for my self care but they are on going and I probably already mentioned them before on here so I wont bore you with the same details over and over again.

For now, it’s time to change.

Internship Interview

I had my first internship interview today.

I have to be completely honest by saying that I almost didn’t even go. I was really nervous and a little upset that it was so far away. Not to mention I was sick, so the whole drive over I was just in a bad mood with myself.

I even debated on weather I should just tell my teacher that I wouldn’t be able to make it because I was too sick. But instead I talked myself into just biting the bullet and just winging the interview just for the experience, then maybe after telling my teacher to send me somewhere closer.

To my surprise though, I really liked the place and the interviewer. She was very nice and seemed to really like me and my experience. I also liked the position. The place is a non-profit, I will be working under her supervision in the marketing and service department for the business doing clerical and administrative things.

I don’t know yet if I have the internship job, she still has to go over the applicants resumes and then she will inform our teacher, but I do hope that I get it. At first I really didn’t even want to go, but in the end now I want that internship.

It was a feeling or a sense of belonging. As though that is where I should be, that is where the universe wants me to be. In other words it just felt right.

Fingers are crossed so hopefully I get it.

Back To The Grind

I’m back home. *cries*

I spent almost two weeks at my boyfriends house for Christmas and New Years. I have to say it was a great vacation, and just like mostly everyone, now its back to the real life.

Coming back home I thought things would feel different. Usually when I am gone for so long things seem to feel off or not just right when I come back, sometimes old things just feel new. But its as if I was only gone for a day. I’m not really sure if that’s just how time flies by now or if I really didn’t miss being home.

Tomorrow I go back to school and on Wednesday I have my first internship interview. I was emailed on my winter break by my teacher notifying me to be ready. The interview is at a nonprofit organization in the next town over. I would have preferred it to be closer since I wont be getting paid for it but I have to remember that I need to do this for the experience.

I have been sick with a fever and some body aches since last Thursday, which has not been fun, and I’m really hopping it all goes away by the time I have my interview. Today I just woke up with a sore throat.

I have to unpack all my things, take a warm shower, buy medicine, and then go shop for some ‘business attire’ since I have to dress Gucci now. (Hello more debt).

Unpacking is so sad. Like, you come back home from having a good time and realize the party is over. The good times are all finished and it all just seems like a dream. Like you woke up and you have to try your best not to forget the small details and all the good moments that happened. Ugh its all so sad. But we can’t dwell on it.

That’s just life isn’t it? Well, back to the grind.