Spiral of Questions

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew something about someone or something that they did, you ask them, and they deny it but they don’t know that you already know all the facts?

I know, that’s a mouth full. But it has recently happened to me and I don’t really know how to feel about it. I never thought that I would be in this situation and I also didn’t think that I would feel this bad about it.

Now I don’t know what to do about it. First, my brain is in a spiral of questions. Why didn’t they just tell me? Do they not trust me? Do they think I will be judging them? What am I doing know that is making them feel the way they feel in concealing what they are hiding from me?

I didn’t ask directly but I did ask this person something in regards to my concern. I thought they were going to tell me, I thought they were going to come clean. No, what they didn’t isn’t even bad, I shouldn’t be concerned regarding the fact that they did what they did, its actually something that I would have been ok with if we would have talked about it because we have before. It’s the fact that they did it and they didn’t tell me, and them when they had the option to they still didn’t.

Then this all leads me to think that they may do this with other things. They may hid things that I didn’t even know. Trust, that is what I am looking for. Have I not demonstrated enough of it to show that I can be trusted?

I want to wave it off, tell my brain to stop overthinking because its just hurting me. Or should I just ask them? Tell them I came across something, and see what they’re reaction is. But now its too late, too much time has passed.

Maybe with time they will have the need to tell me themselves, but if I gave them a chance why didn’t they then and there.

I’m reading too into this and I know it.

 

 

 

I’m Just Saying

It’s Valentine’s Day. (Sigh) I know, I know, if you’re single you could care less, or maybe you’re with someone and don’t care about it at all. Or maybe you’re like me and have a mixed feeling about it. What ever your mentality may be about it, it’s here, you like it or not.

There has been a lot of hate towards this day, and I’ve seen a lot of it. Not necessarily from single people but from people who are “above us all” and think they have won at life or something (I don’t really know, they’re entitled, ask them).

Yes, it’s over commercialized, and yes, it shouldn’t be the only day you profess your love to your significant other. But doesn’t every other holiday do that?

If you feel that Valentine’s Day is another day for companies to make money, don’t you feel the same way about Christmas? Thanksgiving? Halloween? No? But I bet your ass still goes out and buys a tree, you still go out and treat or treat. You still invite family over and eat a big fat bird. So I’m sitting here asking you, why you hating on V day bruh? (Maybe you just need a hug?)

Can’t you give presents out any other time of the year? Why does it have to be Christmas? You can’t give thanks unless you’re sitting across from that one aunt that judges all of your life decisions? You can’t be “spooky” or watch a scary movie unless it’s The Witching Hour of October?

I’m just saying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . You don’t have to celebrate anything if you’re complaining that it’s just another ploy for companies to make money off of you. Either way they still do, just on different holidays, didn’t think about that did you? 😌

Now, this is all coming from someone who all his life couldn’t even celebrate the sun coming up in the morning because only ‘god’ deserved the glory (cults… they’re fun), so you might understand why I appreciate almost every holiday there is out there. Because at one point in my life I couldn’t.

Even when I was single I would sit hours day dreaming about the day that I could have a valentine. Never in those wildest dreams did I ever think it would come to reality.

So you’ll have to excuuuuse me as I gather my chocolates and flowers that I bought at an unreasonably amount and go enjoy this day with my Boyfriend.

Cheesy And Corny

Valentines Day is a week away.

I know, I’m sorry if you are single, trust me I feel you. Even though I am in a relationship I might as well be single for this holiday. It sounds bad, and to be honest I should just give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. I mean we have never spent a romantic holiday like this together, its our first, so how would I even know that its going to be any less romantic than what I have already planned in my head? I must be a bad boyfriend.

Well, my boyfriend isn’t really the most romantic person. I on the other hand, oof, I have all these things planned for him already. I am actually starting tomorrow. Valentines falls on the day right after our four month anniversary. (Yes, I am one of those. I say ‘I’ because he just follows along with me just to make me happy but he could care less about those things if I wouldn’t care, aka bug him about it).

Anyways, since those two days are so close together I thought I would get him something cute a week early. He is really into Drag, (which is one of the many things that annoy me about him, but this is not the time or place), so I decided to buy him a vinyl figure of his favorite Drag Queen that just recently was released. I was lucky enough to get the very last one available.

AdorePopI plan to gift wrap it and give it to him as a pre-anniversary/Valentines Day gift. I know he’s going to freak out and love it. He is always saying catch phrases from the show (ugh) and will always make references, (you know at times its actually cute).

LoveCardThen the very day of Valentines (which he took off just to spend together, which was super sweet of him, didn’t see it coming at all) I am going to give him the first love card? Is that what they are called? Those greeting cards, but Valentines version. Of course I will add my own pizzazz on it when I give it to him.

HisOneHisOnlyI have a total of three to give him thorough out the day. I also have some key chains that say “his only” and “his one” and candy in heart shaped boxes. They are so cute! To top it all off I bought this light that is almost similar to a neon light, but it says “I love you” and it also changes color.

ILoveYouLightGoooooodness, I am so excited to see his expressions! This is my first Valentines that I am spending with someone other than myself this year, so you bet your little red heart that I am going all out. When I was single I would always picture myself with someone celebrating this day. I know that its sappy, and cheesy, but I LIVE for this stuff. You should see the inside of my imagination, nothing but a pink and red haze, with unicorns farting rainbows and barfing up puffy cute little heart shaped clouds.

RomanticUnicornsUnfortunately, nothing that I have ever dreamed of has gone according to my architectural imagination. So I have to brace myself for what ever it is that my boyfriend gets me. I know that its not what he gets me, he still loves me, I just think its cute. And it makes me appreciate him more, I mean isn’t it so cute to think that a person was out in the world looking for something to give to you, thinking of you, thinking of all the things that might put a smile on your face?

No? Just me? Uh ok.

YOU’RE TOO LOUD

I don’t know how to say this in the nicest way. Hmmm.

Loud people are fucking annoying as fuck and I just dislike them so much. 🙂 YoureTooLoud

There is a difference between people that are really outgoing and people that are just flat out loud. Maybe I should start by explaining why loud people annoy me.

First, they drain my social battery. They are always talking, and its not just “talking”, no, at this point its yelling. They can’t have a conversation with you because they are basically having a conversation with anyone who is at an ears distant away, aka anyone with ears. Calm down Karen, no one cares about the guy who cut you off back in 2013 in your brand new Subaru.

Another thing is that even when they are speaking this loud, they still feel the need to ‘speak’ right in your face. As if we can’t hear you. We’re not in a club, you could hear a pin drop but this dude decides to just raise his voice to tell me how his kid lost one of his socks but in fact he was just wearing it. . . and then it happens.

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, oh boy, they laugh. Um, hello, hi Joker? Hearing them laugh sometimes scars me more than my alarm in the mornings. I am not one to draw attention to myself, to add to that I hate when other people are listening to my conversations, even when they are about the most dumb things, its none of their business, if I wanted you hear I would be talking to you.

I have always been self conscience of myself. I know that its not entirely a good thing but in a way it is. Or maybe I just have common sense not to to be yelling my conversations across a room. I know what an appropriate volume is, and if I’m excited about something I’m not going to be running around like a chicken looking for its chopped off head.

The difference between people who are just outgoing and loud people is that they know how to carry a conversation like a regular human being should. I know so many good conversationalist that can literally talk up a storm, but they aren’t yelling in my ear. Yes, some people just are who they are but who they are is too loud (lol).

I guess what I’m trying to say is some people need to calm down, they need to lower their hype. I get it your excited you exist but dude, chill.

 

I Was (Allegedly) Possessed

I woke up pretty well today. I spend all my weekends at my boyfriends house and since my sleeping schedule is fucked the fuck up really bad I usually wake up before him. I usually just spend my time watching Netflix or some YouTube videos in the meantime.

Today, I watched the Superbowl ads that I missed yesterday. The crazy did’t start until he woke up though. He looked at me with freaked out eyes, as if I had done something horribly wrong (which in a way I guess you could say it was).

According to him, in the middle of the night he was awaken by me. I was laying face up looking at the ceiling, eyes wide open, one hand in the air pointed towards the ceiling. He said I was chanting something or mumbling… well actually his exact words were “you were speaking in tongues”.

At the end of my “speech” or “chant”, I dramatically turn my head (as the ‘possessed people’ do in horror movies) and locked eyes with him. Meanwhile, he said the door was making cracking sounds along with the closet.

(Back to the present). At this point of his story I look at him and laugh. I for real thought he was kidding. I was waiting for him to say that it was just a cruel joke, if it was, that he wanted me to believe that he could make me think that I was possessed by a demon or something.

I asked him if he was joking, which he was not, to what he then added that he thought I was pulling a prank on him in the middle of the night. At the time he didn’t understand it (the joke) but he still thought it was one. But now talking to me and seeing how freaked out I was, then he knew it wasn’t.

We, as uneducated individuals, came to the conclusions that I was possessed and that someone is after me. The End. possessed

Just kidding. Even though we had a good laugh about it in the end I did do my own research. My brother and mom have told me before that I do sometimes talk in my sleep. To add to that I have woken up screaming so there’s that to unload.

I know that it’s not a demon of course (at least I am hoping that it’s not). Like I said at the beginning my sleeping schedule sucks. Its down right horrible. I have been kind of stressed about interning, money, and then other personal things. Plus my eating habits have not been really good as of lately, and that doesn’t really help the situation either.

All these factors can point me into a better understand of why I am talking in my sleep. (Or trying to contact Satan). And the things I should probably change, the habits I need to improve on.

Now, the whole door and closet making noise thing, that. . . that I can’t explain.