Dating And Dying

So in the hopes of getting my love life back on the road I downloaded two apps. I know, not the ideal way of looking for love but what else is there to do? Clubs, eww. Bars, do people still do that? Just randomly? This ain’t no fucking movie.

I made my bio really bubbly and full of joy and humor. At least I thought it was funny.

Here’s what I wrote. ⬆️

I thought I was going to get a lot of messages but I think people are more superficial than interested in what I have to say. It’s a sad world we live in. On both apps I managed to actually keep in touch with 2 guys. They seem pretty normal and actually ask questions to get to know me and participate in a conversation.

Buuuuut, there is a third guy on one of the apps that’s really shady. Don’t get me wrong he’s like the total dream guy. He’s a bit older than me like…10 years, but, but, but, he’s really handsome has a good job and according to him he has an Olympic size pool. LOL

We talked all day and he seems pretty normal. He uses a lot of emojis for someone in his thirties. He invited me to his house this Saturday and I don’t know if I should go. One of my friends said I shouldn’t. She said I might die or get killed. I told her she’s way to dramatic. But she might be true.

He seems pretty cool. I added him on Snapchat just to see if he was actually who he said he was and he was. Although he sends old pictures like not through Snapchat just regular took 3 or 4 weeks ago pics which I find odd. I sent him a good morning picture with a dog filter and he responded with a written good morning. I asked him for a picture he said ok, but hasn’t responded.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he’s busy, just because I saw on his story that he was on a plane ride. Probably business related.

So many questions run through my mind though. What if he’s lying? What if he’s fake? A fraud? Only wants to hookup with a innocent young boy? What if I die?

Maybe I’ll tell him we should meet out in public right? That seems like the best alternative, you know, other than death.

Crush

Crushes. I hate them. I feel like they are childish. Even the word sounds a bit immature. At my age (23) I should not be getting these “crushes”. I should be building my relationships off of solid and concrete facts, not on “omg he’s so cute.”

So, there’s this guy at work, I never really had a crush on him before and I’ve known him for maybe a little over than a year now. But, as I have gotten to know him my thoughts about him have changed. He’s actually a really cool caring stand up guy.

We’ve gotten really close, and I’m not talking about like falling for each other close, I’m talking about “friends” close. He’s straight and I’m gay. He doesn’t know that I’m a flaming homosexual, only like 2 of my coworkers do. But that hasn’t stopped me from swooning over him ever time he smiles at me or stops me just to catch up.

Our relationship didn’t start to grow until he noticed I was real good friends which one girl he liked. He asked me for advice about how to get close with her and eventually ask her out. I thought, shit he’s actually straight. Because obviously I thought maybe he would out if no where come out.

But he didn’t, and even though it sounds stupid I loved talking to him and just being around him. It just annoyed me when we talked about that girl. She’s so pretty, she’s so cute, it was all blah.

The funny thing, is that when his crush went away from this girl because she was playing hard to get we started to get to know each other more. He would talk less about her and more about himself and also ask questions about me. I honestly thought maybe, just maybe, he could fall for me.

But no, he soon started talking about the girl once again. So now, here I’m left with all the good memories of our conversations. Hoping one day he’ll realize that I am everything he’s looking for.

But that’s highly unlikely to ever happen.

You’re Doing Good For Yourself

It’s Friday, I have officially made it through yet another week. I have to say I’m proud of myself. I have accomplished a lot, not only this week but throughout life.

I was talking to one of my friends yesterday, she was explaining to me how she thinks she needs to get her life together. I responded with of course “your talking to the wrong person because I don’t have my life together.”

She went on to say that I shouldn’t be thinking that way. She reminded me that I have two jobs and I am paying for the bills and also paying my car. Her exact statement was, “most people still live with their parents but still have the parents pay for the rent, but their food, and drive a 1990’s car, you’re doing good for yourself.

I have to admit, hearing al that made me feel really good. Like no one is usually tells that I’m doing good. I feel like I’m not doing enough and hearing her say these things makes me feel that I’m doing just enough. I give my all to this one life I was given and it’s really nice when even if it’s just one person, notices.

Look What You Made Me Do

I made it out alive this week! Even though it was tough week I still made it out feeling satisfied. Friday was very stressful and I have to vent, so I’m sorry but here it is.

Since the department that sends things out at work is really heavy with orders, management decided to make everyone else do four hours of over time to help them out. Since I have another job I chose to two hours one day and the other two on a different day.

Friday was one of those days. And I was so tired from the whole week, like I had been sleeping four hours a day. I asked my lead if it was ok to go home after my eight hours. She said no, and them she asked our manager and apparently he also said no.

This pissed me off so much because she gets treated like a queen and no one says anything. Plus she had left early two weeks ago along with someone else on our department.

There is so much favoritism at this work place that I can’t stand it. So now, I’m done giving my all, I’m finished doing all the dirty work for them. I am the one that does the most in that department and I’m done being taken advantage. I’m finished being the nice guy.

This is all part of the new me. And its not my fault, this is what they made me do.

Working For The Man

I am tired as hell! I never thought working two jobs would make me feel this exhausted. And it’s my first week! But, on the plus side the days do go by faster, although that can also be looked as a bad thing seeing I’m wasting my young precious life slaving away to for Man.

So I wake up everyday at 5 in the morning. Get ready for my first job (which is full time) and get there at 6AM. I leave from there when I’m off at 2:30PM.

After that I have limited time to eat, change clothes, and drive to work and arrive at 4PM. At that job I’m there until 10 which is a total of 6 hours. For now, that’s my schedule but it could all change.

Anyway I get home at around 10:30 and get things ready for the next day. So I’m in bed by 11PM to restart the whole cycle again.

Hope this wasn’t too boring, like who wants to know what people do?

Basically I have time to do nothing. Even though this could be very stress full, I’m trying to stay polite and remind myself that’s it’s all for my mom. (And kind of for my self, don’t judge me!) Keeping a positive attitude helps a lot. Even when times are tough.

This weekend I am off from both jobs and I’m catching up with a friend who went to Alaska in the summer. Not because she wanted to see it but she went for a work. She’s back and I can’t wait to see her.

Later on that day it sure yet to what I will be doing but pretty sure I’ll be doing something.

What I really want to be doing is SLEEPING.

Reconnecting

So, this week as been a bit crazy. I have been getting up to date with friends and its so much fun. A whole lot of things have happened since the last time I saw them.

First thing is first though, Thursday, I went to the orientation for my second job. I really didn’t learn much just signed a bunch of paper work. Then after signing my life away we got a tour of the work place. It seems really chill, and I am excited to start working there. When a I got the chance of watching or shadowing someone to see what it really is that ill be doing, it seemed overwhelming. The typing I think I have down its the taking down the information when someone calls will be the difficult, but I’m a quick study.

Then yesterday I got together with an old coworker that I knew from one of my past jobs and another one of my friends. We went hiking and it was fun and we even saw a beautiful sunset right before started to rain. Then we just chit chatted at our cars for a while before going home. It was nice seeing them.

Right now I just came back from seeing another friend that I also kinda shunned out of my life a while ago. So basically this whole week I have  been reconnecting with old friends.

Other than that its been a chill week.

Sequoia

Even though my current situation is really stressful, that didn’t stop me from having the time of my life in Sequoia National Park.

We left home around three in the morning. It was a little early but I’m used to that time. I was so excited I don’t even know how I slept the night before. Once in the road it seemed so much more real. We stopped only once maybe an hour before we got there for food and gas. The city that we stopped in was called Porterville and it was the cutest little thing.

Sadly, a city close to Sequoia was experiencing a fire, it had been contained but the gloom of the smoke was slow to leave and lingered in the air even once we were up there.

It was my fourth time being there but that didn’t stop me from being flabbergasted by the marvelous beauty of the Sequoia trees. Also the green that surrounds the whole place is spectacular to see.

We had trouble finding parking, mainly because it was Labor Day weekend and it was pretty packed, but once we did we headed to Lodgepole to take a trail and see River Tokopah Falls. Since my mom couldn’t walk so much we took many breaks but she did get close enough to see the falls even though she didn’t make it to the top.

Of course, being there in person it’s so much prettier. It started to rain on and off at the beginning of the trail but we powered through. It seemed the rain was harder at the very top and that’s very logical since it was at a higher elevation.

After that we headed to the Sherman tree, earths largest tree…by volume. Was actually expecting it to be bigger but it was still pretty awesome.

If I wanted to hug it, it would probably take about 20 of me to wrap my hands around it.

Even though we were tired from walking almost ten miles we still had the will power to go to Moro rock. My mom stayed in the car since she said she had enough of nature for one day and felt satisfied but also exhausted. I love Moro rock but the climb was pure hell. 350 steps or so.

From there you can pretty much see all the Sierra Nevada mountains. We stayed there for only a couple of minutes. My brother got “allergies” but I know that he doesn’t like hikes but I’m proud that he even made it up there since last time he went he just walked up and came straight back down.

Over all it was a great experience. My next gaol would be to go camping there. Of course I also want to explore Kings canyon, Yosemite, and other parts of the Sierra Nevada mountains. What can I say I love trees and the wilderness! I was hopping to see bears but didn’t. The most ferocious animal we saw were deers. I can’t wait to go back.

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DACA

Even though I’m having fun and enjoying life (reuniting with friends and going to Sequoia) I can’t help but have this feeling at the bottom of my stomach. And no it’s not because of the low amount of sleep I’ve been getting. It’s the fear of losing everything.

I know many people worry about losing their jobs, their family, and maybe even their life. But what if you had to lose all of that by a decision made by another person? A person who didn’t even know what you were going through? Or all the good that you have done?

On September 5th The president of the United States will give a final decision on DACA. (Differed action for Childhood Arrivals). This was an executive order given by Obama when he was president. The purpose? In the simplest of terms, it gives protection to young adult immigrants from deportation since they were brought to America when they were young and had no say.

Some of these people have no recollection of even being any where else. They were brought her to this country as children even babies and had no choice. So why would they be at fault to be thrown out of the country? A country that they have made their own. This is their home. They don’t know anywhere else.

Just imagine for a second that it was you? Imagine you grew up in this marvelous country but yet have no legal status? It wasn’t your fault? At the age of one year and a half did you agree to come here? What papers did you sign? None, because you were brought her against your will by your parents. Well, basically you didn’t have a will because you didn’t even know there were borders.

Thanks to this program thousands of young dreamers have benefited from having legal status. They went to school, got jobs, and have been contributing to the economy. If they were cut from this privilege what would happen to the economy?

I have benefited from this great program for four years now. When I heard Trump was going to remove it when he was campaigning last year that was sorta of my down fall. How will I take care of my mom? How will I pay for her breast cancer treatments? How will I put food in the fridge for my younger brother who is still in high school and is a citizen of this country? Will we get separated just because we were born in different countries? How would you feel if they took your sister or brother away from you thousands of miles away just because they weren’t born in the same place as you? What about the bills? Rent? What if I get thrown out of this country to one where yes, I was born in, but know nothing of? And my mother and brother? Who will fend for them?

I hope and pray that President Trump does not end this program. That he leaves it as is or makes it better. There are people that have much more dependents than I do. They need their jobs. And it would just be a shame to through four years of progress down the drain.

More information:

Boston Globe

CBS News

USA Today

CNN