I did it. I finally did it. I came out to my best friend and I thought it was going to be the hardest thing ever but it actually wasn’t. It’s was a little too easy I thought.
That’s not the thing that’s is bugging me though. It’s the aftermath. I thought this would bring as closer. But then again there was a possibility that it would drive us apart. And I feel that is what is happening.
I know it must be hard for him to understand or comprehend, and I should be understanding, it’s not everyday your best friend tells you he’s gay. But still I feel that there is a distance between us.
I over think things a lot. This might be one of the ultimate situations I have been overthinking lately. But who are we kidding? How can we possibly say that things were going to stay the same?
I know he choses what words to say. I know he’s careful in the way he speaks. We planned on hanging out the day after I told him and that day we didn’t end up doing anything because he had to go do “stuff”.
I thought to myself, does he not want to hang out? I also was thinking how needy I am. I need approval I need validation. Maybe he’s just tired of all that? Maybe he’s been drained and is to the point were he’s had enough but can’t find it in himself to cut me off.
I’m afraid that if I give us space eventually one of us will walk away. Will that happen regardless?
I sent him a Buzzfeed snapchat. On it was a list of things you like to do on your phone. It was all for fun. There was a question in there that he answer that bugged me. “Do you like texting rather then talking in person?” To which he said yes.
I swear I over thought that so much. Like, was he saying that he doesn’t want to hang out? Or in general with other people? But still how can someone like to text more that speak in person? And I the only one in this world who still sees the value in personal interaction.
I don’t know what to think anymore. No, that’s wrong because we all know I have so many more thoughts. But I’ll stop here for now.