Jealousy

When I was young, and my mother told me I would be having a little brother, I was very excited. I had been an only child for six years and even though I had a very creative imagination I still felt having someone around would be fun. But it wasn’t till my brother was born when things started to changed.

I felt as if the attention had gone to him. Which technically speaking it had. He was a baby after all and they do require more time to be spent with them. That didn’t stop my little kid brain to think I was being replaced. I felt an immense sense of jealousy. Not only because my parents focused their time and attention to my brother but other people too, family members or friends, they all wanted to see the baby. Maybe they should have taken my feelings in consideration, or maybe I was out of line.

Last year, a similar thing happened to me. Me and my best friend had a great friendship. We talked about everything, we joked and laughed and we’re open just about anything. It was a friendship like no other. We were really close. What happened? My jealousy. I would get upset if he would go out with other friends. I would get mad when he wouldn’t be able to hang out. I would get frustrated every time he would be doing something instead of just doing random things with me.

That jealousy drove us slowly away. My mistrust and jealousy and his annoyance towards me drove a wedge between us. It wasn’t till the end of last year when we finally made up.

Now that I have been in a relationship for a couple of months I see it again. I have an issues with jealousy. Or do I? My girlfriend has a male friend that she swears she sees him as her “little brother”. The way I feel towards him has became more than jealousy. Almost hate. I’ve never felt such a huge feeling of dislike for a person like this before.

They have many things in common. More then her and I. He always wants to be around her, saying how much of a good friend she is. He tries his best to make her laugh, and usually succeeds. So am I jealous? Yes. Do I have the right to be? Most people would say yes and then the other half would say no. I think I do. How would you feel if your significant other was laughing and having a great time without you with someone else the same sex as you?

“I trust my significant other”, “and they come home to me.” Yes I’ve heard it all before. Sure you can trust as much as you want but no one is perfect. Of course they go home to you because they live there and they have to , but after they’ve done what? And been where? I can see a hint of trust issues here as well.

I’m really scared of getting hurt again. This time it’s different. This time I actually want this. In all my past relationships even though I liked them and enjoyed them I always knew they would end and it didn’t bother me. Now, I don’t want it to end, I want it to last.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.