I’ve talked many times about anxiety on this blog. Its a safe place for me to express my emotions without feeling ashamed of them. Many people don’t like to talk about their anxiety with other people because they feel that they are minimized. They feel that the people they tell don’t really care for how they feel or take it as if that person is just asking for attention. I’ve felt this way many times.
At the beginning of last year I was at my emotional worst. I had feelings here and there and I was all over the place. Some how, it feels as if I’m falling back into that cycle.
I think the years of handling stress has worn me down. I used to not be phased by challenges that came about. Dad left? Chill about it. Getting kicked out by landlords? Ok cool. Best friend distancing himself from me? I guess. My moms cancer. Yikes. Every little thing life has thrown my way has been chipping slowly at my wall of strength. So it takes a lot more of me to get back up when I get knocked down.
Get this though, through all this I’ve always had anxiety. I’ve survived. But I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I was able to handle it, and sometimes I couldn’t, I would take it out on myself.
I’m not exactly sure if what I have is anxiety. Maybe it’s just depression? Or maybe both? Who knows. I just know I’m not supposed to feel like I do. At least I’m trying not to.