Job Interview

Good news everyone! I got a freaking job interview!

 

The other day I got an email from a job I honestly had for gotten I had applied to. I looked at the email and examined it in all the ways I could, last time I got an email like this good it turned out it was a scam. But after researching the employer and reading countless articles online I decided that yes, it was an actual interview.

 

The job seems to be easy but some reviews say that its not worth it. There are many fields which are available to work in. I applied to one which you go to a person who is insured with the company and help them with their phone. Seems simple enough. Its better than what I am doing now, so that’s good. The pay is actually very impressive, they also reimburse you for your mileage , so I’m down with that.

 

I had the first interview today actually. It was over the phone and it went pretty well (if I do say so myself). They ask you those normal not too hard questions at the beginning as they always do. Then the person said that I would be moving on to the second interview, which is with the hiring manager. It’s a video meeting so I’m eh about that.

 

I went online to see if I was actually being scammed because obviously this sounds way too good to be true.  But yes this is their process. (I feel like a crazy ex girlfriend spying on her ex’s every move lol). The next step (if the hiring manager likes me) would be a meeting with the rest of the “new hires”, which is basically an orientation type of thing.

 

I’m excited. It’s something new. Its a change and I need and want it right now. The hours are ok, not actually that great, but I’m totally fine with that, I have been working morning shifts for so long that I want to work a little later.

 

I hope I didn’t just jinx it, but if I did at least it gave me something to write about. Anyways, wish me luck and I will be on my way!


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Sunday Frustrated-Day

I. Am. Frustrated.

So sit down, shut up, and listen.

That was aggressive, I’m sorry, I’ve just ugh I don’t know, today has been a hot mess.

First, I was supposed to go help someone from church do some things, but because I really didn’t want to spend time with them and the people they invited I didn’t go. Also, my best friend invited me to a get together at the same time, but I honestly didn’t want to be around people, so canceled that real quick. Not necessarily be around people, just not socialize with them part, make sense?

Thought I’d go to Starbucks to edit, IT WAS PACKED, who knew everyone in Southern California has a weird fetish for Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon? I didn’t. I sat next to these nice woman. I asked if I could sit on the chair next to the table next to them, they said , “absolutely!” With a warm welcome like that why wouldn’t I sit down?

Then, out of shame, I didn’t even edit. I was scared they would look over and see me editing myself talking to a camera. So I just surfed the internet. A spot opened up across the store, did I move? Nope. I was so frighted that they nice ladies would think I was moving because of them. So I stayed there for thirty minutes until they left. Then, that’s when I took my chance and moved.

Once I moved, I started finally doing what I had gone there to do. Ok, good, then BAM, computer battery at 10% . Great . Just great. I know what you’re thinking, just plug it in. Well, Captain Obvious, that’s what I wanted to do. But the power outlet was right beside some dude and I was not about to tap him on the shoulder and ask if I could plug in my cord. So I left.

I went to go get an oil change because I wanted to at least do something productive today. I went to one where you don’t have to get off your car and it’s supper fast. It was a slow day for them (because everyone was probably sipping their Starbucks drinks at Starbucks) so everyone was on me and my oil change. I was out of there in less then 10 minutes. Great service, awkward goodbyes .

I come home and remember that tomorrow is Monday. I’m sorry if I just reminded you or informed you. But yes. Tomorrow is that day. Tomorrow I go to work. I dread it. If I wasn’t already frustrated enough, I’d get frustrated just by thinking that.

I literally just want to lay in bed and stare at the sealing. Is there anything much left to do?

Tattoo Removal

I bleeping love tattoos. I always wanted a tattoo when I was younger. I was always afraid to get one. Then when I went to college (yes I did go, it was a blink of an eye moment, but nonetheless I still went), I got my first tattoo. “Brave warrior” right on my left shoulder.

I got inspired by a Demi Lovato lyric. When I heard her song Warrior it spoke to me in the loudest way possible. I feel like I relate to that song so well because I have been through the thickest of mud and the hardest of concrete and I am still here. Sure, bruised, beat up, in pain, but HERE.

The day I got that tattoo, I nearly fainted. Or I did, can’t remember, but the rush was great. I loved it and I have loved it ever since. Then months later I got another tattoo near the crease of my arm/ elbow. In the same area I got another small tattoo in San Fran.

Those tattoos mean the world to me. They mean so much because I got them with friends that I cherish and I look back at those times and I smile because it was honestly one of the best moments in my life.

But sadly. When I went through my “I’m a virgin for God” phase I started the process of getting them removed, and till this day I still do. Even though I am getting them removed that doesn’t mean I regret them. Sounds like hypocrisy but give me a sec to explain.

Even though I go and come back from Church I still feel like getting them removed. Not the one on my shoulder though. That one is staying because it has a special meaning to me that no one can take away.

The process of getting them removed though. OMG. Ok just picture this, and this is as accurate as I can get ok? So lets just say you take a fork, yes a fork, and you go to your stove, the flames are blazing like they are welcoming you into hell, and you lay the fork there for a good ten minutes or so. Then you grab the fork, and start poking at your skin like there’s no freaking tomorrow. That’s how it feels to get a tattoo removed.

Oh, and get this, it gets better, every single time you go back it gets worse. That’s right, its like they left the dam fork an extra minute on the eternal flames of death.

Of course its not an actual fork that they use, its this little tiny cute laser that blasts into your skin. Lovely. It breaks down the ink in your skin so your body can take care of the rest and dispose of the ink when you use the Wiz Palace. It’s actually a beautiful process that lasts just about 3 years.

If you’re lucky enough maybe you had an inexperienced tattoo artist with cheap ink, so then your removal will be a walk in the park. If you went to a good tattoo artist who has amazing Mona Lisa work of arts and has that high end ink derived right from under the throne of Satan, then your walk in the park is going to be a 3 AM, getting mugged and beat up while also getting hit with a stick, then later peed on my a dog, type of walk. Wonderful.

If you want a tattoo just make sure you want that on you for the rest of your life. I know you already heard that a millions times, but I don’t give a dam bro, listen. You remember those dope shoes you bought that were over priced but you just had to have them because you wanted to be “the cool kid”. Or even if that wasn’t you, just picture those shoes or heels (for the ladies, whats up gurl) that you love, now its been years, they smell. They look worn out, they have this weird smell that is concerning, they’re drooping and now instead of “nice kicks man” you get “dang son can’t you afford new shoes?”

That’s a tattoo.


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Ruined The Friendship

I think I just ended a friendship.

I texted one of my friends that I was going to take a break from talking to him for a while. I told him things are weird and seem a little off. He said that nothing is wrong and everything is fine.

But isn’t that what everyone says to calm down a situation? Like if someone came up to you and just went like – I think I’m going crazy. You’re not going to look at them and be like – oh yeah dude for sure you have been acting wild. No, you’re gonna be sympathetic and be like -nah man it’s all in your head.

I mean I don’t know. I don’t know why I do these things. I feel so inexperienced all the sudden with everything, I’m surprised I don’t forget to breathe sometimes. Or even how to blink.

Let me go back though, so, I know it has to be me. I feel like he’s really been annoying lately. I’m not sure how or even why. But I’m just bugged out by every little thing he says. Maybe I’m under to much stress and everything that’s small just seems really big right now. (That actually could be it to be honest).

We’ve been friends for years on and off. He’s very stubborn, never wrong, and not the most humblest of people. But I look past that. Or I’ve been looking past that. But sometimes it gets on my nerves.

What did I want him to say? I wanted him to be like, -no, I’m still going to text you everyday. We don’t need a break. Or even, -is it something that I did it said? How can I fix it or help? You know what I mean? Something along those lines.

I also feel that we’ve been drifting away. Going separate ways in different directions. I get that. We all grow up and make our own decisions or what ever but god dam its hard. Thought we would always be friends.

No one tells you this stuff. No one tells you you’re going to disconnect with friends. No one warns you. Again, maybe it’s just me. I always like to blame myself and take the fall for stuff. Mainly because it’s mostly my fault at times, but still.

Will I talk to him soon? Maybe. Will he reach out first? I hope.


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Cat Stuck In A Tree

Can a medical professional, someone who has studied the human brain, or has at least some sort of wisdom about why I am socially awkward, tell me why?

Let me explain before everyone starts yelling at me that I’m crazy, (don’t worry you don’t need to), I already know.

I was laying in bed the other day, just breathing. Just laying there not even thinking of anything. Then, suddenly, like a real life movie, I started thinking. (I know dangerous). What was I thinking about? I’m glad you asked, thank you, you’re so kind, lets be friends?

So it was the day after my church had a park picnic. I didn’t go. Why? Because I freaked out and wimped the hell out. Is that normal? Like, I know the people there. I have been knowing them for years. They’re not mean, they’re not bad. They’re actually cool people. So why didn’t I go?

That’s a real question. I don’t have an answer to that one. But I’m trying to figure it out. This happens often. Do I mind it? I mean I’m not missing out on much to be honest, its not like I wanted to go in the first place, but still my friends were there, texting me, asking me where I was. Mean while I was at home watching Netflix and living the life of a King… alone.

I look back at last year and ask myself how I did all the things that I did. I’m like, dam, who is that dude? Who was that you know? I was so social, outgoing, fun! I was kissing random people in clubs, grinding, and dancing all over the dance floor like no one was watching. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety now.

I’ve talked about this before. I have these roller coaster highs and lows of my social-ness (is that a word? You get what I mean). I don’t understand why though.

The thing is that I am like a cat stuck in a tree. I’m up there. Stuck. Can’t get down. Then when someone tries to help me all I do is hiss at them. (OK, that actually made me laugh so hard, I literally pictured myself in a tree hissing at people, hahaha, I’m so lame).

man_in_tree

 

As I’m writing this I remember something that helped me break my social walls. Alcohol. Now that I remember correctly. Before any social gathering, I’d take at least one shot. To loosen up. Soon it became two. I didn’t tell anyone. No one noticed. But I see now that, that’s the actual reason why I was so outgoing.

I remember I was trying to be more “out there”. But it’s scary out there. For me at least. So what did I do? I got goose and got loose. It helped. It worked . But at what cost? What if I wouldn’t have stopped? What if I had kept going and it became a habit? As it almost did? Where would I be now?

It’s crazy how one thought can lead to another thought which will lead you to another one. This post is mainly me talking, speaking, and just letting my thoughts free. That’s why there’s no structure (I mean there never is but still). Main points: I know I have something maybe anxiety. Alcohol: helps. Is it the answer? No.


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