Job Interview

Good news everyone! I got a freaking job interview!

 

The other day I got an email from a job I honestly had for gotten I had applied to. I looked at the email and examined it in all the ways I could, last time I got an email like this good it turned out it was a scam. But after researching the employer and reading countless articles online I decided that yes, it was an actual interview.

 

The job seems to be easy but some reviews say that its not worth it. There are many fields which are available to work in. I applied to one which you go to a person who is insured with the company and help them with their phone. Seems simple enough. Its better than what I am doing now, so that’s good. The pay is actually very impressive, they also reimburse you for your mileage , so I’m down with that.

 

I had the first interview today actually. It was over the phone and it went pretty well (if I do say so myself). They ask you those normal not too hard questions at the beginning as they always do. Then the person said that I would be moving on to the second interview, which is with the hiring manager. It’s a video meeting so I’m eh about that.

 

I went online to see if I was actually being scammed because obviously this sounds way too good to be true.  But yes this is their process. (I feel like a crazy ex girlfriend spying on her ex’s every move lol). The next step (if the hiring manager likes me) would be a meeting with the rest of the “new hires”, which is basically an orientation type of thing.

 

I’m excited. It’s something new. Its a change and I need and want it right now. The hours are ok, not actually that great, but I’m totally fine with that, I have been working morning shifts for so long that I want to work a little later.

 

I hope I didn’t just jinx it, but if I did at least it gave me something to write about. Anyways, wish me luck and I will be on my way!


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Sunday Frustrated-Day

I. Am. Frustrated.

So sit down, shut up, and listen.

That was aggressive, I’m sorry, I’ve just ugh I don’t know, today has been a hot mess.

First, I was supposed to go help someone from church do some things, but because I really didn’t want to spend time with them and the people they invited I didn’t go. Also, my best friend invited me to a get together at the same time, but I honestly didn’t want to be around people, so canceled that real quick. Not necessarily be around people, just not socialize with them part, make sense?

Thought I’d go to Starbucks to edit, IT WAS PACKED, who knew everyone in Southern California has a weird fetish for Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon? I didn’t. I sat next to these nice woman. I asked if I could sit on the chair next to the table next to them, they said , “absolutely!” With a warm welcome like that why wouldn’t I sit down?

Then, out of shame, I didn’t even edit. I was scared they would look over and see me editing myself talking to a camera. So I just surfed the internet. A spot opened up across the store, did I move? Nope. I was so frighted that they nice ladies would think I was moving because of them. So I stayed there for thirty minutes until they left. Then, that’s when I took my chance and moved.

Once I moved, I started finally doing what I had gone there to do. Ok, good, then BAM, computer battery at 10% . Great . Just great. I know what you’re thinking, just plug it in. Well, Captain Obvious, that’s what I wanted to do. But the power outlet was right beside some dude and I was not about to tap him on the shoulder and ask if I could plug in my cord. So I left.

I went to go get an oil change because I wanted to at least do something productive today. I went to one where you don’t have to get off your car and it’s supper fast. It was a slow day for them (because everyone was probably sipping their Starbucks drinks at Starbucks) so everyone was on me and my oil change. I was out of there in less then 10 minutes. Great service, awkward goodbyes .

I come home and remember that tomorrow is Monday. I’m sorry if I just reminded you or informed you. But yes. Tomorrow is that day. Tomorrow I go to work. I dread it. If I wasn’t already frustrated enough, I’d get frustrated just by thinking that.

I literally just want to lay in bed and stare at the sealing. Is there anything much left to do?

Tattoo Removal

I bleeping love tattoos. I always wanted a tattoo when I was younger. I was always afraid to get one. Then when I went to college (yes I did go, it was a blink of an eye moment, but nonetheless I still went), I got my first tattoo. “Brave warrior” right on my left shoulder.

I got inspired by a Demi Lovato lyric. When I heard her song Warrior it spoke to me in the loudest way possible. I feel like I relate to that song so well because I have been through the thickest of mud and the hardest of concrete and I am still here. Sure, bruised, beat up, in pain, but HERE.

The day I got that tattoo, I nearly fainted. Or I did, can’t remember, but the rush was great. I loved it and I have loved it ever since. Then months later I got another tattoo near the crease of my arm/ elbow. In the same area I got another small tattoo in San Fran.

Those tattoos mean the world to me. They mean so much because I got them with friends that I cherish and I look back at those times and I smile because it was honestly one of the best moments in my life.

But sadly. When I went through my “I’m a virgin for God” phase I started the process of getting them removed, and till this day I still do. Even though I am getting them removed that doesn’t mean I regret them. Sounds like hypocrisy but give me a sec to explain.

Even though I go and come back from Church I still feel like getting them removed. Not the one on my shoulder though. That one is staying because it has a special meaning to me that no one can take away.

The process of getting them removed though. OMG. Ok just picture this, and this is as accurate as I can get ok? So lets just say you take a fork, yes a fork, and you go to your stove, the flames are blazing like they are welcoming you into hell, and you lay the fork there for a good ten minutes or so. Then you grab the fork, and start poking at your skin like there’s no freaking tomorrow. That’s how it feels to get a tattoo removed.

Oh, and get this, it gets better, every single time you go back it gets worse. That’s right, its like they left the dam fork an extra minute on the eternal flames of death.

Of course its not an actual fork that they use, its this little tiny cute laser that blasts into your skin. Lovely. It breaks down the ink in your skin so your body can take care of the rest and dispose of the ink when you use the Wiz Palace. It’s actually a beautiful process that lasts just about 3 years.

If you’re lucky enough maybe you had an inexperienced tattoo artist with cheap ink, so then your removal will be a walk in the park. If you went to a good tattoo artist who has amazing Mona Lisa work of arts and has that high end ink derived right from under the throne of Satan, then your walk in the park is going to be a 3 AM, getting mugged and beat up while also getting hit with a stick, then later peed on my a dog, type of walk. Wonderful.

If you want a tattoo just make sure you want that on you for the rest of your life. I know you already heard that a millions times, but I don’t give a dam bro, listen. You remember those dope shoes you bought that were over priced but you just had to have them because you wanted to be “the cool kid”. Or even if that wasn’t you, just picture those shoes or heels (for the ladies, whats up gurl) that you love, now its been years, they smell. They look worn out, they have this weird smell that is concerning, they’re drooping and now instead of “nice kicks man” you get “dang son can’t you afford new shoes?”

That’s a tattoo.


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Ruined The Friendship

I think I just ended a friendship.

I texted one of my friends that I was going to take a break from talking to him for a while. I told him things are weird and seem a little off. He said that nothing is wrong and everything is fine.

But isn’t that what everyone says to calm down a situation? Like if someone came up to you and just went like – I think I’m going crazy. You’re not going to look at them and be like – oh yeah dude for sure you have been acting wild. No, you’re gonna be sympathetic and be like -nah man it’s all in your head.

I mean I don’t know. I don’t know why I do these things. I feel so inexperienced all the sudden with everything, I’m surprised I don’t forget to breathe sometimes. Or even how to blink.

Let me go back though, so, I know it has to be me. I feel like he’s really been annoying lately. I’m not sure how or even why. But I’m just bugged out by every little thing he says. Maybe I’m under to much stress and everything that’s small just seems really big right now. (That actually could be it to be honest).

We’ve been friends for years on and off. He’s very stubborn, never wrong, and not the most humblest of people. But I look past that. Or I’ve been looking past that. But sometimes it gets on my nerves.

What did I want him to say? I wanted him to be like, -no, I’m still going to text you everyday. We don’t need a break. Or even, -is it something that I did it said? How can I fix it or help? You know what I mean? Something along those lines.

I also feel that we’ve been drifting away. Going separate ways in different directions. I get that. We all grow up and make our own decisions or what ever but god dam its hard. Thought we would always be friends.

No one tells you this stuff. No one tells you you’re going to disconnect with friends. No one warns you. Again, maybe it’s just me. I always like to blame myself and take the fall for stuff. Mainly because it’s mostly my fault at times, but still.

Will I talk to him soon? Maybe. Will he reach out first? I hope.


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Cat Stuck In A Tree

Can a medical professional, someone who has studied the human brain, or has at least some sort of wisdom about why I am socially awkward, tell me why?

Let me explain before everyone starts yelling at me that I’m crazy, (don’t worry you don’t need to), I already know.

I was laying in bed the other day, just breathing. Just laying there not even thinking of anything. Then, suddenly, like a real life movie, I started thinking. (I know dangerous). What was I thinking about? I’m glad you asked, thank you, you’re so kind, lets be friends?

So it was the day after my church had a park picnic. I didn’t go. Why? Because I freaked out and wimped the hell out. Is that normal? Like, I know the people there. I have been knowing them for years. They’re not mean, they’re not bad. They’re actually cool people. So why didn’t I go?

That’s a real question. I don’t have an answer to that one. But I’m trying to figure it out. This happens often. Do I mind it? I mean I’m not missing out on much to be honest, its not like I wanted to go in the first place, but still my friends were there, texting me, asking me where I was. Mean while I was at home watching Netflix and living the life of a King… alone.

I look back at last year and ask myself how I did all the things that I did. I’m like, dam, who is that dude? Who was that you know? I was so social, outgoing, fun! I was kissing random people in clubs, grinding, and dancing all over the dance floor like no one was watching. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety now.

I’ve talked about this before. I have these roller coaster highs and lows of my social-ness (is that a word? You get what I mean). I don’t understand why though.

The thing is that I am like a cat stuck in a tree. I’m up there. Stuck. Can’t get down. Then when someone tries to help me all I do is hiss at them. (OK, that actually made me laugh so hard, I literally pictured myself in a tree hissing at people, hahaha, I’m so lame).

man_in_tree

 

As I’m writing this I remember something that helped me break my social walls. Alcohol. Now that I remember correctly. Before any social gathering, I’d take at least one shot. To loosen up. Soon it became two. I didn’t tell anyone. No one noticed. But I see now that, that’s the actual reason why I was so outgoing.

I remember I was trying to be more “out there”. But it’s scary out there. For me at least. So what did I do? I got goose and got loose. It helped. It worked . But at what cost? What if I wouldn’t have stopped? What if I had kept going and it became a habit? As it almost did? Where would I be now?

It’s crazy how one thought can lead to another thought which will lead you to another one. This post is mainly me talking, speaking, and just letting my thoughts free. That’s why there’s no structure (I mean there never is but still). Main points: I know I have something maybe anxiety. Alcohol: helps. Is it the answer? No.


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What If

Have you ever just been chilling at home, and then suddenly your mind wonders off to a far away distant dimension that’s parallel to the life that you’re living now but only with small differences?

Wow, ok let me simplify that just a bit.

So, you ever wonder how different your life would have been if you did just one thing different? If that one decision you had, the no you said turned into a yes, or the job you didn’t take you took? Where would you be now? What if you had stayed with your first girlfriend/boyfriend? What if you hadn’t moved to that new city you feared so much? Or what if you did take the chance and had moved away from home?

I’m constantly thinking about that stuff. I don’t know if it’s healthy or not, but I’m always living in the what if of life.

What if I just quit my job? What if I just run away? Start a new life? Leave everyone behind? Change my phone number, move somewhere else? Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but you get the picture.

There are a lot of what ifs that I have floating in my head that could have potentially have changed my life drastically in the past. Maybe even now they still could. But that’s the thing with what ifs, that’s all they are. Thoughts, dreams, a picture that slowly fade away with time until you forget about them.

But, what if you never do?


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It’s The Weekend Boi

I’m at my local Starbucks again because I live here now. I did not go to work today so its a good day. *Insert super cheerful hyped up music here*. I am semi worried about how my check is going to be when I see it next week, but I’ll worry about that later. You know, I’d rather be broke and happy, then have money and be stressed.

 

Today I have a very eventful day. One of my friends dog’s had puppies and I can’t wait to meet them. I was there for her dogs first days, I even have a picture of me with her. And now she’s all grown up and having puppies. Life moves so fast. *Gets emotional over dogs*.

 

 

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This is me with the beautiful little Bailey from two years ago

 

 

I’m also eating breakfast with her (the owner of the do not the dog lol). My diet has come and gone in these recent days. Meaning, that one day I stayed with it and the next I haven’t. But don’t worry! Its not like one day I’ll eat only veggies and the the next day down some fries and three tons of soda. No. I have been doing well and I have made my limits. I have also starting walking which is really relaxing. I like to walk alone, earphones in, music on max, and just forget about everything. Its nice, try it.

 

Also on today’s agenda. Looking for jobs. Ok that’s enough of that. 

 

At the end of the day, my church is doing this thing for the Death of Jesus (Easter type thing). So I’ll be attending that. One of my friends is having a dinner a little after and he invited me. I don’t know if I’ll go to be honest. I know they’ll have good food and I wont be able to contain myself. I might just go late that way I can go but still keep my diet integrity. Plus I love spending time with him and his family, just don’t know who else they invited. (Because I’m awkward meeting new people).

 

Tomorrow there is a church picnic as well. I’ll try my best to attend that but probably just arrive at the same time one of my other friends does because I need moral support just to be in public and around people. You guys ever get that? When you’re alone you’re weak but when you’re with your friends you really don’t give a dam? Maybe its just me, who knows. But that’s basically all I have to do. And then for Monday (which I hope never comes around) I’ll have to return to my work. Maybe JUST maybe, if I wish hard enough the building will be consumed by flames before I even have to return, but I know that’s a little stretch in reality. (My fingers are crossed though).


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Job Hunt Day 2

Day 2 of job hunting (don’t worry, I’m not going to make this a daily thing I don’t want to bore you to death).

 

I didn’t go to work today, I felt that it was a good decision for my mental health. I made plans already for tomorrow. I’m going to go see some puppies and have breakfast with one of my friends. But today, I came to Starbucks (my safe place) to edit. I have been here for maybe more than six hours. Not sure if they’ll kick me out but I hope they don’t.

 

I went on Craigslist to search for some local jobs. That place is freaking scary. Some how I feel like almost all those postings are all fake and are people trying to get your info. They don’t seem legit to me. Does anyone ever get a job from there? Is that site even a thing anymore? I remember growing up and always hearing about Craigslist and how people always found a job on there. Does that even happen anymore? If there’s a new site where the jobs are at, tell me! PLEASE.

 

Still waiting for my Doordash and Postmate kits to come in the mail so I can start collecting that extra money. I don’t know what else I can do in the mean time. I don’t have many bills which is good, but at the same time I need money to survive. Just going to have to keep looking.

 

For now I’m going to go eat with a friend. He goes into work a little later and since I’m not working he said he can pass by and we can eat something and chat. Should be nice. We’re trying to plan a mini two day vacation, because I really need one. So might do that.


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Job Hunt Day 1

To get a good job in today’s job market this is what you’ll need; a good resume, 25 years of experience, 73 degrees, a letter signed by the queen of England, and three strands of hair picked right from a witches mole.

If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. Yesterday I was looking at some postings and it seems that employers expect you to know what you will be doing on the job before you even have it. What’s up with that? I get it, it’s your company and you want the best, but no one is perfect.

Yesterday was day one of searching for a job. I’m looking at nearly anything. Jobs that are way above me, jobs that are right up my ally, and jobs that are very questionable.

I even joked to some friends that I’d be down to sell pictures of my feet, if it came down to that. I know a lot of people like that fetish type of stuff. I went a little further in saying I’d sell my used socks as well. I literally can’t find the line because I always cross it. Of course I’m not going to do that for reals… for now.

One of my friends suggested that I be a stripper. And although I’ve thought about it maybe once or nine times before. I don’t really have the body for it. Don’t get me wrong , I could get the body if I wanted to. But the face would still be the same. Ugly. But that can be covered by a mask. Masked stripper? Maybe that could be a thing? Spiral me to super stardom? Who knows. In the mean time I have to get in shape. So technically I still need a job.

Another friend suggested Doordash. Not my first option. But it’s an option nonetheless, and at least this way I won’t have to be buying socks every week. I signed up and got approved. Also signed up for Postmates. I’m desperate to leave my current job. Can’t you tell?

The thing that I don’t wnat to do is let my emotions get in the way of my thinking and quit without having a Plan B. So this is basically me “being smart”. But no doubt I will be on the search for a job that suits my needs. In the meantime I’ll be trying to keep my sanity and my composure at work. Even though I might lose one of those pretty soon.


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I’ll Do Anything For Money

I feel like I’ve complained enough on here about how much I hate my job. So what’s next?

I was on my way to work today and told my self that’s it, I NEED to look for another job. I know, for any other sane person with a good leveled head, they might have already thought of that idea. Well, guess what? I did too. I tried in the beginning of the year but had no luck.

Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Or maybe I did and the job market was pretty slow and low. I don’t know, what I do know is that I’m still freaking working at the same place.

Is it that hard to find a job? It might be. I have a friend who used to work at Kmart, they shut down back in December, and he has been looking for a job ever since. Sure he’s picky as heck but still, it’s almost five months, he should have found soemthing.

I don’t think I have a lot of skills or experience. I’m being brutally honest with myself here. But, I do feel I am useful for something, you know what I mean? I’ll do anything for money. Literally, that’s how much I want to leave my job.

No, but jokes aside, I really need to get my crap together and actually work on my resume and my interview answers, to make it seem that I am normal and worthy of working in a social environment with other humans.

I’d really like to be someone’s assistant. I know for some that’s a little humiliating. But for me I’d be down. Well, as long as my boss is not a total A. But beggars can’t be choosers right?

What I was thinking though. I might take the summer off. Quit my job in early summer and look for a job but also enjoy the summer. Maybe my YouTube channel will take off and I’ll be famous? I’m such a millennial, ugh I hate it.

It’s time to take action. It’s time to move. And it’s time to go places.


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