The Mental Are Flaky

I did it. I saved the friendship, once again. I hate saying it like that because it makes me sound as if I think I’m all that, and I’m not, I’m just stating the facts. Ok, now that definitely made me sound full of myself.

I texted my best friend yesterday morning. I asked him if things were just going to stay like this. Giving each other the silent treatment and only speaking indirectly to each other. I wanted to know because honesty, at the point of my life that I am at right now, I don’t have time or energy to be playing this high school frenemies BS. If we’re just not gonna get passed this then let me know so I can move on with my life, you know what I mean? If we are, then, we are. That’s that.


I went to church last night. I know I’ve been moody and under the weather lately, and more and more people have picked up on it more than ever. They say that they are worried and part of me wants to believe them. At the end of the day they know me and I want to believe that they care.

An Elder of the congregation pulled me aside last night and asked if he and another Elder could have a talk with me. I already knew what was coming. I’ve been through these talks so many times. I already knew word for word what they were going to say.

I fluctuate heavily with my spirituality. I can go one day from being best friends with God and the next to being the cup bearer of Satan. That’s just the way it is sometimes. I can’t help it. And I told them that, not in that exact way. But they got the picture. They told me it wasn’t normal. I told them to check my track record, surely they’d see it. Either way, they told me what I already knew.

Although, let me just rant on here for a sec ok? Ok. Well, he did say that Sunday when I didn’t go, I was assigned “sound”. (Yes, if your baptized you have what they call “privileges”. You are assigned these tasks that you have to do around the church. They change periodically). Since I didn’t go, and allegedly, the main guy didn’t go either, the whole thing started 3 minutes late. Ok sue me. Big deal.

The thing that bothers me is this; telling someone that they were to blame for something not happening when they were not ok mentally. Sure yesterday I was crawling out of the black hole I’d fallen into, but what if I still was in it?

I’m sorry SIIIIIIR, let me put my mental freaking issues aside so you all can carry on with your service, because there’s no one left on this earth who can possibly click ONE FREAKING GOD DAMM BUTTON to turn ON a freaking mic, forgive me for being sooooo problematic and irresponsible.

Glad that’s out there.

Oh, don’t even get me started. (My mind just did the fasted U- turn right now you don’t even know). This dude (the Elder) texted me Sunday saying they’re worried and blah blah ect ect right? I told him sure I’m fine. Then he said he’s glad or whatever, then he asked me if I was going to go to yesterday. I thought, oh wow that’s cool he does want me to be there that’s nice. So I get there yesterday (I know it sounds grammatically incorrect but stick with me here), and I walk in and another Elder tells me I will be reading out of a book (it’s for a book study we do every week, some new guy reads weekly), it was my turn apparently.

So then I thought. OHHHHHH you son of a witch. He was covering his butt. I’m assuming he thought I wasn’t going so he would have to look for a replacement since he knew it was my turn to read. God knows the mental are flaky. But I digress.

Things are changing now. But it’s different this time. I can’t explain it. But eh.