Playing With Fire

It’s been a couple of wild weeks. I haven’t had anytime to sit down and notice where I am. I’ve been running and running down a path that I didn’t notice all the signs I was passing.

I am happy. Happy sounds too good to be true. I am content. No, I am ok. Yeah that feels more right. If I were to be content I’d have all of my debts paid. If I were to be happy then I’d be sippin something sweet at a beach with more than 10 digits in my bank account.

But nonetheless, I am here and I am ok.

For now.

See what I did there.

I’ve been texting my ex on and off. I’m trying to get my feelings together before I make any brash decisions. I like her. I like her a lot. I don’t like the religion she is a part of, and that I once was. But I like her. She makes me feel something, something inside of me. In my stomach, then my heart.

I know I like her and want to be with her because there is no validation that I need from anyone any more. From who? Church friends? Nope, they don’t talk to me. Other church goers? Nope, I haven’t seen them in months. My mom? She actually doesn’t want to get involved in this. And my non religious friends? Well, some wouldn’t care. Some would. But it’s my decision. I always end up doing what I want anyways.

Today she texted me saying that she had to say something that she’s been holding back.

After I was done reading what she had wrote I was on the verge of tears. God. What have I done? What did I do? Did I make such an impact on this one person to want me this bad she is willing to to leave everything behind just for me?

What do I do?

I have to be careful.

I’m now playing with Fire.

One thought on “Playing With Fire

  1. You do what you feel is the right thing to do. If it is being with her, then be with her – just make sure that’s what you want. Is she willing or does she want to leave her religion to be with you? I would imagine that if she stayed in that religion but also dated you, it would be very complicated on her end. I wonder if you two have a better shot together, outside of the confines of the religion, you know?

    Can you really and truly be happy with her? It also brings into question your sexuality. Are you bisexual? In being with her, will you also desire or wish to be with a man? Can she fulfill everything within you that you seek? Whatever the answers are, make sure they are right for you and not just for her. They always say – when you know, you just know.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.