Falling

How was your weekend? I hope it was great, and if it wasn’t I hope the next one is better.

This weekend I spent it with the guy I’m currently talking to. I decided to focus on him and only talk to him. We aren’t anything yet, just dating and talking to try to see where this goes. I don’t know if he’s talking to anyone else, but I have a strong feeling he’s not. I deleted all my dating apps last week. I only had them for about ten days.

I can only see him on weekends since he works during the week and he works a late shift, which kind of sucks but I get it. He asked if I wanted to got to a friends birthday party. I thought this was really soon to start meeting his friends and some of his family. But I decided to go, I really like him and I wanted to spend time with him.

The party was great, his friends were super nice and down to earth. One of his sisters that I met was also super nice. I loved every minute of it. I had a great time and the party was hella fun. I was super nervous to go at the beginning but I’m so glad I put myself out there instead of backing out like I always do.

Yesterday (Sunday), we went to Santa Monica. We walked the pier and then sat at the edge on a bench and talked while the sun came down. It was so relaxing and time seemed to stop. It felt like the world around us was moving at fast pace and we were just there in the moment. I know it sounds like the total opposite of each other but that’s how I felt about it.

Then we walked the shore for a bit and sat down and talked some more. We talked about our past and what we want for our future. He said he wants to take it slow with us because he doesn’t want to screw this up. I swear my  heart melted when he said this. He told me that he really likes me, I told him that too.

It’s nice to finally find some one who wants the same thing I want. To have all the things in common that we do, and the things that we don’t, and still get along. The vibe that we have is amazing, we can talk for hours, sure we are just getting to know each other but there’s nothing like good chemistry.

I’m scared now, scared of losing him. Scared of falling for him and then him leaving. Scared of starting something that I think I have been waiting for for so long and then it being carried away by the wind. Will this be the beginning to the ending I’ve always wanted? Is this actually something that can blossom into something beautiful?

He’s going on a weekend trip to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks with his best friend, he sounded super excited when he was telling me about it. I was surprised when he asked if I wanted to go with them. Of course my answer was yes.

I’m happy. I like the place that I am emotionally, physically, and mentally.in right now. I wish and hope it stays that way.

Jehovah Witnesses Are Harassing Me

I thought it was over. But of course why would it be? Cults will not leave anyone to rest in peace once they leave their “flock”.

I haven’t been to or seen anyone from church in about more than six months now. I have not gone door to door soliciting people to come and “join” the religion for longer than that. So, tell me why I get called by one of the higher ups in the church and get told if I have my “numbers”.

I then get another text from another one a few days later and he says that he wants the “progress report” for the past months from my family and mine. This is basically a paper a Jehovah Witness has to fill out each month on how many hours they spent knocking on doors, how many people they spoke to, and how many pamphlets they gave. I know it sounds crazy, what’s crazy is how they act like I haven’t been going for months and have the audacity and ask me for them out of the blue like I just took a little mini vacation and I’m on the way back.

After I was flooded with text messages and I didn’t respond, I was then harassed with phone calls. One after another, I had to block them them. I had enough, I don’t need them in my life anyways. Plus, there is no reason in me going back and forth with them telling them that I’m not going to go back because all they’ll try to do is “fix me”, as if I was broken, no I’m not, I just actually found out the Truth this time. When you don’t agree with their believes they classify you as “sick” or even “under Satan’s control”.

Days later I got a text from another person from church saying he wanted to hang out with me and some other “brothers” and asked when I was available. Instant block. Do they not get a hint?

I know I could just tell them, write a letter and officially leave them as an organization. (Yes organization, its not a religion, inside they even call it organization, I remember while being in there I would all the time). In doing so, I would lose my mother. Even though we live together I know she’d stop talking to me, she would only direct her word for anything that was absolutely necessary. That’s so fucked up and its the way that they have made her think it “pleases God” or its what he wants. I doubt God wants a mother to shun her own son.

Today I got a text from my ex’s mom. OUT OF ANYONE she had to text me. She said that I was making a mistake and that I was hurting everyone with my actions. What the actual fuck!? What type of mind manipulative guilt are you trying to play here? I’m not here for it. Am I doing anything illegal? Am I off physically hurting people with my actions? NO, they are hurting themselves because they have decided to think what they have been told to think with out actually researching it and finding out for themselves. I have nothing to do with it.

I’m so tired of them hitting me up all randomly when I’m finally living a good life. The cult has them really wound up into making them believe exactly what they want. My own mother doesn’t even bother me with this shit. She has accepted I’m not going back, why are they trying to ruin that?

They need to move on, just like I have. I already made my decision, and I’m fucking happy as hell with it.

Clubbing/2nd Date

This past weekend was freaking amazing. I haven’t had a great weekend like this in a long while and I feel like I deserved it.

One of my best friends asked me about a week ago if I wanted to go clubbing. I hadn’t been clubbing since my birthday about four months ago. I was kind of iffy about it because we were going to local clubs and I had never been. It turned out great in the long run though. I actually had a great time.

We went to about four clubs during the whole night. Which was also new to me, usually I only stick to one club, when they have good music. It was great to see my friend let loose and be a little wreckless. I’m usually the one that gets out of control but it was nice to see how much fun she was having, she really needed that night.

She has major decisions coming her way and I know its not easy for her. She has so many things riding for her right now. But I’m here for her and in the end I just want her to find happiness and be happy with what she is doing. After all I have been through shes been by my side so I plan to do the same for her because I love her like that.

That was Saturday. Now on Sunday, I went on a second date. It was really out of the blue and it was with the guy I went on a date with on Friday night in my last post. He’s the only guy I ended up talking to. And we ended up messaging each other all weekend, then he asked if I wanted to do something, of course I said yes.

The date was taken straight out of a romantic comedy, I swear we only needed that cheesy music playing in the background. We went to get some frozen yogurt. We were there for a little over an hour just chatting. He’s so easy to talk to, I’m like an open book. He’s very talkative as well so it helps. The conversation would never fall silent.

We later went hiking. As we walked we talked about dumb things that made us both laugh. The similarities between us are unbelievable. Every sentence would end with either of us saying “me too!”.

It felt really great. We talked and talked and it felt like it was just us two. Usually I’m so self conscious about my surroundings and the people who are around and I shut myself in, or I’m too self aware about the things I say that I don’t even get to be myself, but it was different. It felt as if we were the only people on the planet. I had to remind my self that there were other people around.

When he dropped me off I did’t want to leave. I stayed in his car for as long as I could and I noticed he really didn’t want me to leave either when I would say I was going to head out he would start a new conversation.

Now, this is just like me. Get all crazy about a new guy just on a few dates, think hes really cool and like him and then find something that I don’t like, then get all sad because in my head I had already planned out out whole lives together. Because honestly, it has happened before. (Way too many times).

So I texted a friend I always text on stuff like this because she is a fountain of wisdom. She told me to take it slow. She told me to be real with myself and enjoy the moment. I feel like its advice I could have given myself but it works coming from her as well. Sometimes you know what you need to hear and even when you tell yourself you don’t believe it until someone else tells you.

I can’t wait to see him again this weekend. It sucks that I have to wait that long. But I know that it will be worth it.

4 Dates, 4 Guys, In 4 Days

So, I don’t know how to start this.

I said I was going to delete the dating apps on my phone, and to my defense, I did, just not all of them. I left two of them. Maybe I should have stuck to just keeping one but I said to myself, it wouldn’t hurt to just leave these two. 

I got to talk to a lot of people. Some nice, some rude, and others who bluntly just wanted sex. It was pretty interesting to see the type of vibe that online dating has. It was hard to decipher who wanted to get to know you and who wanted just to get in bed with you.

I got four dates, with four guys, on four different days. And this is how they all went;

 

Tuesday

I started talking to this guy on Monday and he seemed pretty cool. I liked the way we clicked. Talked for a bit longer and he asked when we would be able to meet each other. This was Tuesday, so I told him that we should go see a movie. He agreed and we met up at my favorite theater.

I feel like the date went pretty well. I was myself, I didn’t feel as though I had to hide anything of myself or my imperfections just to get him to like me. I was feeling no nerves what so ever, which is really not like me.

I enjoyed the movie and we talked a bit after at Starbucks. Over all the date was pretty good. He is a really cool guy and hes really nice.

The thing is I’m just not into him in that way. Maybe as a friend sure but I just didn’t feel a connection with him, a romantic connection I mean, because I still did very much like him as a person. We are still talking but I think it just wont go anywhere.

 

Wednesday

This date was a little more on the wild side. I got messaged Wednesday morning. We got to talking and this guy seemed really professional. Very classy. I liked that. There is something about when you get treated with kindness and respect that really gets to me.

All day we were back in forth talking and getting to know each other. I was in my bed that night when he asked if I wanted to go on a mini date with him. I was very honest (like I’m trying to be more of) and I told him that we just started talking and that it was late (8PM) to go on a random last minute date with a total stranger.

He told me to be spontaneous. After having a fifteen minute meeting with my advisers (Me, Myself, and I), I decided that I’d take the chance the he was a killer and go on this late last minute night date with this total stranger.

It turned out to be very romantic. We went to this nice lit up lake a few towns over. There were people still out and we sat on a bench and talked about our past and what we wanted in the future. It was very movie like, it almost seemed fake. I really liked him at the end of the night.

The next day he texted me saying if I wanted to do something. I told him yeah it would be cool and we should meet up at a place. He suggested I come over and wait at his house while he got ready. When I got to his house he opened the door in nothing but his towel.

Now, to a easy sleazy person this would have been some crazy sex fantasy, but I’m not here for that. I walked in and I sat on the sofa. He looked at me like I was crazy. I told him I’d wait for him to get ready. To this he said ‘ok’ but I was invited to join in. Where was the guy I had just met the night before who was totally different?

This was the point where I was over him. I thought he was this cool romantic guy, we had talked about so many things, and now he wanted to have sex? Sorry dude, that’s not how I roll.

I think that’s the last time I’ll see him.

 

Thursday

I had been talking to this guy since Monday. He seemed really cool and he was super up front. When we started talked he told me he was a player. I told him that I wasn’t looking for sex. I wanted to date and get to know people. He told me he respected that. Then asked if he could get to know me.

After talking, I really liked him. So much that we went onto heavy flirting. Heavy dirty flirting. I haven’t flirted like this in a while and it was pretty nice. I was into him, in a sexual way. I even told him, you know what lets just get together and have some fun.

What he told me was surprising to me. He told me he wasn’t going to do that to me. He said that I look like a good guy and deserve better than one night stands. I was SHOOK. Instead we met up and had a good two hour convo.

He was super nice and talkative and I can tell he was really into me. I really like his personality and the way he carries himself. I like the way he looks at life and the way he thinks of others and himself. The only thing that I didn’t like was that he really likes to party and drink, that would be the only downside to him.

 

Friday

This date is by far the one I was most excited for. I actually wrote about this guy before. I met him last year when I got super drunk and made out with him at a club. After that we talked but never got the chance to hang out because he was super busy, and then I went all “religion is my life” on everyone and deleted so many people off social media and he was one of them.

But that all changed Wednesday. I saw him on the app and swiped. A little later I matched with him. I had no way of contacting him before, but now here he was. We started talking catching up and telling each other what we had been up to. I apologized again for attacking his face at the club with my mouth.

He told me right away that we should go on a date. I told him of course. I was excited to see him. To get to know him. We went to a movie date as well. There at the movie I asked him about our crazy club night.

This is where the story gets crazy. He said he had seen me before at a gym I used to go to a long time ago. I told him that I thought I had seem him before. He saw me that night and he never thought that I was gay, he said I was dancing like a maniac and living life (which I was) and that he was a little typsy too so he went to ask me if I was the guy from the gym and I guess I said yes, we started dancing, and that is how that story started.

Now, back to Friday. After the movie we went to Del Taco. I know very classy. There we talked, and it was so liberating. I told him about my mom, I told him about the religion I used to be in and all the reasons why I had to basically cut him out of my life last year.

In the end it was a really nice date, and out of all of them I liked him the most. I think there could actually be something there. I really can’t wait for our next date.

 

Now

Ok, so now I have all these decisions to make. Who passes to the next round? I feel like the bachelor. Who is getting a rose and who is not? I have been talking to other guys here and there but nothing really has flourished between us like the rest of these guys.

I have to weigh my options and see who I like the most. I’m dating right now. I haven’t ever dated this way before. Actually going out on dates and talking to people and getting to know them? Its fascinating to me.

Let’s see what happens.

What I Learned On WordPress After 300 Posts

I have been on WordPress for years now. This is not the first blog I have tried to start. But this is the one that has lasted the longest. I’m really great full that it has. Going back and reading everything I wrote back then brings back a lot of memories. Both good and back. That is the great thing about keeping a journal. You can relive all the moments that you had in the past.

Being on here for years I have learned many things. Some things have been helpful and others haven’t, really just depends on how you see things. Or what you want the out come to be. What was the purpose of you starting a blog? If your intent was to get followers of course you need the algorithm information and all that stuff to know what your readers want to be reading.

If you want to help people with some sort of information then you probably want to try to get as much feedback in your comments section as possible that way you know that you are helping those people out. If comments is what you want and you aren’t getting any that’s when you can switch things out and maybe find a way to be more appealing to your audience.

Depending on what you want you still have to be realistic with yourself. Just because you think what you write is the best, doesn’t mean others will think the same. But that doesn’t mean you should stop. Unless you want people to think what you write is great (to which a certain extend we all do), in that case you need to see what your audience really wants.

You have to enjoy what you do. When you don’t you kind of just do things because you have to do it. But when you actually enjoy it, you make sure that is great, or that its the closest to perfection that there is.

Which brings me to my next point. Make sure that you reread and proof read your content. You want to make sure it makes sense and everyone can actually undersatnd what you are talking about. It can seem like just common sense but still. I know I mess up on that a lot but in my defense I’m super excited to write and my fingers go Nacho Libre on the keyboard. Plus, some times its hard to find your own mistakes, which is something I should probably work on… (lol). But I’ll get there, maybe by my 400th post.

I’m no wiz at this whole internet blogging thing, and even though I have been blogging for years I still don’t consider myself a “blogger“. The purpose of my blog was just to write down my thoughts and life experiences. And until this day that is all I’ve done. And some people seem to be interested in it, (so thank you to those you read my blog, and thank you to those who comment, very much appreciated. *Insert virtual hug here*). I will keep it up, as much as I can.