I came out to my brother.
Let me first say that I never thought it would be difficult coming out to him because he is one of the most “chillest” people I know. But there was always that little fear in me that seemed to be bigger than it actually is.
We were on our way back from the DMV, he passed his written driving test which I figured would be a good time to tell him that I am a flaming homosexual. The car ride was about 40 mins long so it was perfect time for a long chat.
I started off asking him what his thoughts were on our old religion. He was never into it as much as I was, he never got baptized in it, he also stopped going way before me, because he had to work. He told me that he liked some stories from the bible and all that but that it just wasn’t for him, I told him I felt the same way.
Then I asked him what his thoughts were regarding ‘gay people’. He said he didn’t mind them, they’re just people. He seemed cool about it, I had asked him this question about ten years ago but he said he didn’t remember but he had said just about the same thing. Then I asked him what he thought if I were to be gay, to that he said he didn’t mind he didn’t really care, its my life he said.
I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t even shaky. It was more of exciting. Like when you tell a friend about a new movie. I mean I shouldn’t feel nervous there is nothing wrong with being gay, it should be exciting to tell someone that actually.
After I told him that I was I asked him if he ever knew, he said he didn’t. He did notice that I had a ‘man’ as my screen saver on my phone. I took the opportunity to show him who he is when he asked if I had a boyfriend. He even said, “is he cute???”
My heart melted, I felt good for him to be excited for me to have a boyfriend. Then we talked about how my mom would take it. Both of us know she’s not going to like it. She’s going to shun me, and according to her religions rules, if you are associating yourself with a person who is ‘sinning’ you also have to be shunned. So, since I have my brothers support my mother would have to abide by her religions rules and not speak to the both of us.
Technically speaking, she is going to be losing both of her only children for that religion. Its really sad, and we talked about it for a while. We talked about her maybe not even wanting to live with us. If that’s the path she wants to take we will help her do what ever she needs to do, but were not going to kick her out of our lives like her religion tells them to do to us.
Either way, it has been done, I don’t feel any different. I am just glad he knows.
When will I tell my mom? I have no clue, for that I have to prepare myself mentally and emotionally. It wont be easy. Specially seeing her cry everyday or not having her speak to me and just ignore me while living in the same home. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.