Day by Day

How is everyone doing with the quarantine?

You would think that just being home and being bored would make me want to post on here more often but that is not the case. I have been having a little bit of a writers block, or maybe nothing is going on in my life at the moment.

Since my last post I have started doing school from home as the rest of the country has. It has been really interesting how everything is happening. Its kind of a work in progress.

I have stopped applying to all jobs. Last week I was flooded with emails of places where I had applied to saying that the job that they had posted was being canceled do to what’s going on in the world. So with that I kind of stopped all together, for now I just have to really budget and hope that my credit cards don’t suffer as much in the end. I know I’m not the only one being affected by all this but I didn’t even have a job to begin with.

I feel really unhealthy too, they’ve shut down my gym. I have been eating really bad too so that doesn’t add any good to it. I kind of lost a little bit of hope in everything if I’m being honest. But I take it day by day, and I’m hanging in there, just like everyone else.

All the Crazy

You’re probably tired of hearing about the Corona Virus, I know me too. But I don’t take it very lightly. I understand that the internet has made it into a huge joke when there are thousands of people dying but again, in their defense, they don’t want to go insane with all the crazy that has been going on the past couple of months.

Anyways, do to all this mess my school has been canceled and with it so has my internship. I really don’t know what they will do with out me ( ha ha ). But I hope they stay safe and follow all the CDC guidelines. At first it was canceled until the end of march, but they then extended it to the end of April.

I don’t know how everything is going to work out now that I wont be interning for at least two months, or who knows it may be more? Will I even graduate? These times are crazy to be honest. But, on the bright side, I don’t have to drive 40 mins two times a week and waste gas that I don’t even have.

So now I have been at home just chilling playing the Switch an extremely unusual amount for a person in their mid twenties (I mean depends who you ask). Being at home I also have my mother in my ear telling me that these are the signs that the Bible has warns us about and the end is near and is inevitable. She keeps watching her religious videos about the end of times and she keeps the volume on high so I can hear, and to be honest, I do hear. It brings back unwanted flash backs of speeches and articles I used to read when I was in the religion myself. I told her that I didn’t believe in all that any more which I think may have hurt her feelings, but its the truth.

But is that even true? Part of me still wonders, what if they were always right? I mean can you blame me? Look around you and tell me you don’t see it? Because if you don’t then I want to be what ever you are on. Nevertheless, if they are right then in the end I still want to live the life that I am currently living, so, I guess I will burn in hell or where ever they want me to, no?

This is going to sound weird to say but, I went to an interview just yesterday. I know, in the mists of a total lock down who knew I would be able to get an interview? I was surprised too. When they started closing everything down I stopped applying at places. But somehow these people are still hiring. I think it went really well. The person who interviewed me seemed to like me, plus I knew the system they used in their warehouse. I haven’t heard anything back from them yet but I am hoping it works out. I need a job, but I’m pretty sure a thousand others do too.

In the mean time I suppose I’ll go back to playing on the Switch or watching Netflix, but is there anything worth watching anymore? I could get started on all the school work I now have to do thanks to the shutdown, but is that really the thing I need right now? No I don’t think so.

Coming Out to my Brother

I came out to my brother.

Let me first say that I never thought it would be difficult coming out to him because he is one of the most “chillest” people I know. But there was always that little fear in me that seemed to be bigger than it actually is.

We were on our way back from the DMV, he passed his written driving test which I figured would be a good time to tell him that I am a flaming homosexual. The car ride was about 40 mins long so it was perfect time for a long chat.

I started off asking him what his thoughts were on our old religion. He was never into it as much as I was, he never got baptized in it, he also stopped going way before me, because he had to work. He told me that he liked some stories from the bible and all that  but that it just wasn’t for him, I told him I felt the same way.

Then I asked him what his thoughts were regarding ‘gay people’. He said he didn’t mind them, they’re just people. He seemed cool about it, I had asked him this question about ten years ago but he said he didn’t remember but he had said just about the same thing. Then I asked him what he thought if I were to be gay, to that he said he didn’t mind he didn’t really care, its my life he said.

I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t even shaky. It was more of exciting. Like when you tell a friend about a new movie. I mean I shouldn’t feel nervous there is nothing wrong with being gay, it should be exciting to tell someone that actually.

After I told him that I was I asked him if he ever knew, he said he didn’t. He did notice that I had a ‘man’ as my screen saver on my phone. I took the opportunity to show him who he is when he asked if I had a boyfriend. He even said, “is he cute???”

My heart melted, I felt good for him to be excited for me to have a boyfriend. Then we talked about how my mom would take it. Both of us know she’s not going to like it. She’s going to shun me, and according to her religions rules, if you are associating yourself with a person who is ‘sinning’ you also have to be shunned. So, since I have my brothers support my mother would have to abide by her religions rules and not speak to the both of us.

Technically speaking, she is going to be losing both of her only children for that religion. Its really sad, and we talked about it for a while. We talked about her maybe not even wanting to live with us. If that’s the path she wants to take we will help her do what ever she needs to do, but were not going to kick her out of our lives like her religion tells them to do to us.

Either way, it has been done, I don’t feel any different. I am just glad he knows.

When will I tell my mom? I have no clue, for that I have to prepare myself mentally and emotionally. It wont be easy. Specially seeing her cry everyday or not having her speak to me and just ignore me while living in the same home. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

Broke to Immensely in Debt

The unemployment system sucks ass.

First off, the pay sucks, second if you have any concerns or questions about your case or what ever it is you are trying to solve don’t even bother calling because all you will get is an answering machine, there is literally no option to speak to a real breathing person. Not to mention their only window to call is 8 am to 12 pm.

This is has been my life for the past couple of weeks. My unemployment is all gone, used up. So I have gone from being broke to immensely in debt. My credit cards are slowly going to start maxing out, and then I’ll start freaking out.

I have been applying to jobs for weeks now, I’m starting to think that my resume is not one of the best, even though my teacher helped me on it.

What I’m looking for is a part time job. I have school, I have my internship, and then I want to spend time with my boyfriend. Yet, I can’t get a job. I lost count of all the places I have applied to, its ridiculous.

I have thought of going to a work agency, but I have stopped myself because of my availability. They would have to find some where really special for me.

I already talked it with my boyfriend, letting him know that if and when I get a job we might have to see each other less. He was cool about it, more cooler that I wish he would have been but maybe he needs a break from my crazy needy ass.

I could try to add an extension to my unemployment, but I am so over them. I have had so many issues with them in the beginning of the whole process and I really don’t want to go through all that again, I’d rather get a job. Even if I have to loose sleep.

My internship is over in a couple of months, I have worked two jobs before and they have lasted just as long, so I figure I can do it again, which is why I’m looking for a night job or something.

At this point I’m willing to sell my kidney.