I broke down today.
I was at work and it was a pretty good day. No rush work, the environment was extra friendly. I even had a little time to myself at my desk.
I went on my website and thought ‘hmm what was I doing in July 3 years ago?’. Of course it had to do something with my mother. It was during one of her firsts surgeries for her breast cancer. I got emotional. I felt what I felt in those moments back then, I relived those days, and the I came back and felt the pain that is today that we no longer talk.
It is nice to have this site and look back to what once was. Some memories are worth reading over again and reliving the feelings. But others hurt. Maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe I’m still wounded by everything that is happening and has happened.
But when is it ok to be over it? When is it ok to just say that your mother doesn’t accept you for you and move on with your life? Isn’t that sad? It sounds so sad to me.