My First Rave

I celebrated ringing in the New Year at a rave. I had a good time with my boyfriend and his friend. But let’s all face it, it’s not my scene.

I didn’t know the music, and honestly I didn’t really understand it. Boom boom this boom boom that, drop here drop there. People smoking in your face, not to mention there is no personal space what so ever. I felt like five people were touching me at the same time all the time. Plus it was so hard to walk through the crowds.

The drinks were super expensive which is probably why people were doing drugs. Oh the drugs! Security was total shit, they didn’t even pat me down, and my boyfriends friend had a bag and they didn’t even care to check it. He didn’t have anything but still, I think I made my point.

I know I may just be paranoid but do you judge me? I mean have you seen the world and how it is? Yes I tried to have fun but it’s just not for me.

I told my boyfriend and he was very understanding, that’s what I love about him. I can talk to him and he understands. Or at least tries to. He said he’s over raves too, the good thing is that he has time to experience them in the past.

Maybe if I knew the artists playing or liked the songs then I would go, but it’s safe to say raves are not for me, and I’m totally ok with that.

Looking Back At A Decade Of ‘Me’

This may just be the last post of this year, and this decade. I hope everyone had a good Christmas with their loved ones and will have a great New Years.

Looking back at this decade and seeing where I began to where I am now, its just insane. To me 2010 was just a couple of years ago. I was only 15 and I was getting baptized in a cult-religion I just left this year. From then on it would be a roller coaster of things to come, some good, and some very oh so bad. But I made it.

2011 came by fast and it was actually a good year for me. Even though I was struggling with my sexuality I still found happy moments during all the chaos. I also dated a girl for the first time ever. Who I really did love very much but ended up breaking up with later in 2012.

In 2013 I graduated high school and I had no plans of going to college. I was not in very good circumstances to have such a privilege. I stayed home taking care of my brother and 4 cousins while my mother worked. It wasn’t the best way to make money but it helped my moms family and ours at the same time.

Then in 2014 I started working at a fast food place that everyone knows the jingle to. Although its not the most, or at all, the desired job to have, I still loved working there and because I did I got to meet the most amazing people that even today I still call friends.

2015 and 2016 are both a big blur. I can’t honestly say why though, there inst much that happened those years. I did buy a car which is really big but that’s about it. I think it is because I was trying to live a happy life with my friends and also trying to please everyone from church at the same time, I probably lost myself for a bit those two years.

In 2017 my mother told us she had cancer and her long process began for survival, which she is still dealing with now. It was a real hard year. I lost touch with many of my friends because I was trying to follow the “Holy Way”.

2018 was also a good and bad year. I think it was more of a good year for me. Other than my mothers second surgery nothing bad really happened. I really got out of my shell that year and started going to clubs, I started drinking as if I needed it to survive, and I met a lot of new people. But during all this I was still the little good church boy and it got exhausting. It was hard partying all night Saturday and coming home at 4 in the morning and then getting up at 8 for Sunday Service.

I had to choose which path to take and I chose the wrong one at the beginning of 2019. I was full on going to be the very depiction of what a good Christian should be, hell, I was even dating a girl who was the very depiction of what a Great Christian Woman should be. But I wasn’t Happy. So I had to leave what I thought was “The Truth”. I later found where I was actually supposed to be and I met a wonderful guy who makes me really happy.

With that guy I am entering 2020, a new decade, a fresh brand new start.

What will this year (and decade) bring?

2020 here we all come!

Happy New!

Homophobic Vegas

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Do people still say that? Or do things just happen everywhere now?

Anyways let me get straight to the point here, I went to Las Vegas. What did I experience? a lot of homophobia. Maybe I didn’t notice before how people actually are but in Vegas? Out of all the places in the world that would be the last place I would expect it.

I went with my boyfriend and his friend out to eat at this sky thing that’s… in the sky. I’m pretty sure you know it if you have ever been to Vegas before. I want to make it very clear that every single moment spent with my boyfriend was like a fairy tale and I have no complaint. We were having a good time. Soon later the couple that sat next to us really gave us ‘the stare’.

Soon they waved the waitress over and whispered something in her ear, and then they moved to the table that was the farthest away from us, not even five minutes after they had been seated. I know I should give them the benefit of the doubt and think that they just didn’t like the location that they were seated at. But the way they looked at us was alarming.

That didn’t stop me from holding my boyfriends hand in public, even though I did notice he was sort of tense. We talked about it once we had come home the next day. Even walking on the streets people didn’t seem that too open about it either. But that’s all I’ll say about that.

In all, I had a great time. I actually had the time of my life. I can’t remember the last time I was that happy. Which brings me to my next sappy point, I think I’m really falling for this guy.

Last night I was laying in bed and I was thinking about him and I started laughing, I started giggling like a little boy in preschool. I looked like a dork. I don’t know why. I was grinning I was feeling all warm inside. And all I wanted to do was be with him. I didn’t get to see him yesterday but granted I did get to spend four whole days with him. I don’t get to see him again until the weekend and it can’t come soon enough.

Clubbing/2nd Date

This past weekend was freaking amazing. I haven’t had a great weekend like this in a long while and I feel like I deserved it.

One of my best friends asked me about a week ago if I wanted to go clubbing. I hadn’t been clubbing since my birthday about four months ago. I was kind of iffy about it because we were going to local clubs and I had never been. It turned out great in the long run though. I actually had a great time.

We went to about four clubs during the whole night. Which was also new to me, usually I only stick to one club, when they have good music. It was great to see my friend let loose and be a little wreckless. I’m usually the one that gets out of control but it was nice to see how much fun she was having, she really needed that night.

She has major decisions coming her way and I know its not easy for her. She has so many things riding for her right now. But I’m here for her and in the end I just want her to find happiness and be happy with what she is doing. After all I have been through shes been by my side so I plan to do the same for her because I love her like that.

That was Saturday. Now on Sunday, I went on a second date. It was really out of the blue and it was with the guy I went on a date with on Friday night in my last post. He’s the only guy I ended up talking to. And we ended up messaging each other all weekend, then he asked if I wanted to do something, of course I said yes.

The date was taken straight out of a romantic comedy, I swear we only needed that cheesy music playing in the background. We went to get some frozen yogurt. We were there for a little over an hour just chatting. He’s so easy to talk to, I’m like an open book. He’s very talkative as well so it helps. The conversation would never fall silent.

We later went hiking. As we walked we talked about dumb things that made us both laugh. The similarities between us are unbelievable. Every sentence would end with either of us saying “me too!”.

It felt really great. We talked and talked and it felt like it was just us two. Usually I’m so self conscious about my surroundings and the people who are around and I shut myself in, or I’m too self aware about the things I say that I don’t even get to be myself, but it was different. It felt as if we were the only people on the planet. I had to remind my self that there were other people around.

When he dropped me off I did’t want to leave. I stayed in his car for as long as I could and I noticed he really didn’t want me to leave either when I would say I was going to head out he would start a new conversation.

Now, this is just like me. Get all crazy about a new guy just on a few dates, think hes really cool and like him and then find something that I don’t like, then get all sad because in my head I had already planned out out whole lives together. Because honestly, it has happened before. (Way too many times).

So I texted a friend I always text on stuff like this because she is a fountain of wisdom. She told me to take it slow. She told me to be real with myself and enjoy the moment. I feel like its advice I could have given myself but it works coming from her as well. Sometimes you know what you need to hear and even when you tell yourself you don’t believe it until someone else tells you.

I can’t wait to see him again this weekend. It sucks that I have to wait that long. But I know that it will be worth it.

Huge/Short Vacation

Trees. I love them. I’ve never asked myself why though. When I drive and I look across the plains and see nothing but dry grass, it really brings me down. But trees, greenery, life. Maybe that’s what it is. It just all looks alive.

I took a very last minute huge/short vacation. I really did have the time of my life. It was a short five days but nonetheless it was so worth it.

It started with one of my moms friends. My moms friend has another friend who lives in Wyoming. That friend is a nanny (hope you stay with me here LoL). The family she nannies for was going on a work trip to Lake Tahoe. Allegedly the family is a doctor and they were having something there for them or whatever.

So that nanny told my moms friend that she should go visit her and she would hook her up with a hotel. And she did. All that my moms friend needed is find some one to drive her there which my mom kindly offered my services.

So we drove to Lake Tahoe on Wednesday and stayed for 2 days. Then the third we went to Sequoia national park. The huge trees as they say, since it was close, plus we really wanted to go too.

After that my moms friend wanted to go to the city where we grew up in. I took her there and we went around town. Small town. When we left, when I was little, the population was about only 5,000 people. And now it’s at 13,000. So it’s growing.

I still have family that lives there. My mom wanted to see them. I didn’t. Not because I hate them or anything. I really love them and they are great people. But, they Jehovah’s Witnesses. I wasn’t ready to be interrogated by them about why I wasn’t going anymore.

Right away they ask if I’m a servant (someone who helps the Pastora out), or a pioneer (someone who devotes 50 to 70 hours of door to door knocking). They are always looking for ways on how you can grow “spiritually”.

So instead after seeing the town we just left. But the whole trip in itself was great. I hiked a combined total of about 25 miles these past days. I’m a little worn out but it was so worth it.

This was a river up a hike that took us about 3 hours to climb. We were all dying half way up, but the view at the top was priceless. We hiked 2,000 feet.

Surprisingly, there was still snow up there. The elevation at this point was 7,000 feet. When I got there I threw myself on the snow. We were almost at the very top.

Here I’m on the tram going down. I think after hiking up for that long the best feeling in the world is knowing you won’t have to hike down. We just made it in time, we took the second to last tram down of the day.

Lake Tahoe. The thing is huge! The water, cold. But I still managed to go in and it felt great on my body. It was the day after the hike and we all just kind of chilled for a good second. Later that night, we all jumped in the Jacuzzi.

Next stop. The sequoias. If you haven’t seen these trees in person, you’re really missing out. This one right here in the picture believe it or not is a little more wide than two cars put together. Pretty sure it’s the thickest tree in the world, if it’s not then it’s a good competitor for first place.

This river was at Sequoia. Only half a mile which is basically nothing compared to what we hiked before but it was a nice walk and some hikers even say they saw a bear. I didn’t get to see it, even though I really wanted to. Bummer.

Last stop. This is a view from my home town where I grew up in. There is a huge mountain that you can climb and at an edge there is a cliff that holds rocks. Many climbers go there. It’s a nice sight to see.

I hope you enjoyed these pictures!