Relationship Plans

If you haven’t seen it yet you will, “new year new me” or even the “new decade new me” that’s going around on social media right now.

To be honest I’ve always hated that. Yes, if you’re going to better yourself go ahead but don’t blame the year that you didn’t achieve your goals, blame your bad decision making skills and don’t feel bad about it, we’re all human and we all make mistakes. It’s part of life and it’s part of growing. Just be sure to learn from them and don’t repeat them.

With that being said, me and my boyfriend talked about where we want our relationship to go this year. Our goals and our plans.

One of our similar goals is moving in together by at least the end of the year. I know that’s a big step and I have only dated him for a short time but when you know you know right? And it’s a plan for the end of the year not next Tuesday.

One of his goals is to pay off some things he needs to pay off. Not a big deal, and I truly wish him the best in bettering himself and fixing what he needs to fix.

One of my goals is coming out to my family. I know, it’s a big one. But I can’t just move in with him without telling my mom. I mean I can, but what am I going to say? I’m moving in with a friend? No, I just don’t want to do that.

We also talked about marriage. It’s a huge step to be talking about in a new relationship like ours but if you don’t talk about it where is your relationship going? Are you dating just for fun? Or where do you want It to go?

I wouldn’t mind getting married to him, that’s actually what I want. I really love this guy and he’s been good to me so far, he makes me really happy and he says I do as well. So if marriage is on the table then I guess we’ll be eating.

We talked about other things, where we would live, how we would live, working, and a lot of other stuff. It was honestly really cute and it gave me a sense of security, this guy really loves me, and it seems like he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, isn’t that sweet?

Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic (which I am) but this is going really great, and I really hope it stays that way.

Writing A Book

I’m going to be writing a book.

I just want to put that out there. (Universe are you listening?). I’m doing it for myself and maybe it will help others out too. Who knows?

My all time dream is to become a writer. The thing is, I never actually knew what to write about. There are so many different forms of writing out there, so many different types of genres. Not to mention that there are millions of people that also want to be writers and authors. They want their voice to be heard.

I don’t even know where to start. How does one write a book? I need to research. I need to find out how I want to tell my story. Why I want to tell my story. Then, tell my story.

There are so many ways one can do so. There are so many outlets. Here on this blog I’ve been the most honest I’ve ever been to anyone. In my book I want to do the same.

Although I’m excited about this, I’m not going to rush it. I know a simple book can be written in about three months. But I want my book to be authentic. I want it to be accurate. Truthful. I need to get a good editor, but that’s until the end. I’m getting ahead of myself. It might take months maybe a year or so, but that’s ok.

This is a new start for me. A new journey. I’m excited but scared. I like change. It’s nerve racking but I love a good thrill.

Terms And Conditions

Ahhhhhhhh.

 

Ok ok ok. Since I have been posting all week might as well continue the streak right? So, today I’ve spent my whole freaking day researching. Yes, researching. Let me tell you why. So I’ve been watching so many YouTube tutorials on how to begin a channel and what you need to know and all that juicy stuff. The one thing that people don’t tell you is that you need to do a lot of before kind of things.

 

No one tells you that you need to have a good software editing system. No one tells you what type of camera to use. No one tells you what type of laptop to use. Everyone is more like, “this is what I use, this is what I have used in the past, you can use what ever you want.” And if you want to know what the most popular camera or editing software there is you really can’t because they all use something different.

 

Done with that rant. Any way, I spent my whole day at Starbucks just reading up on YouTube regulations and copyright laws and all that wonderful things. I think that this is the first time I actually sit down and read “Terms and Conditions” before accepting. The amount of time I spent today on this is insane but I’m for sure so into this.

 

After I noticed that my laptop that I currently own is slower then I am I decided to go get myself in debt and buy a new one. I researched this as well and asked so many questions, I think the guy helping me at best buy was annoyed but he did help a lot. (Shout out to him). I am very happy with the one I purchased. It looks really nice but I hope that it actually works like I want it too.

 

Oh, another thing I did was I downloaded Instagram and Twitter. I am no social media whore, but if I want my channel to get views and people to see me I need these platforms to grow and expand. (So go follow me! ;} I’ll let you know when I’m finished setting all that up so you can).

 

Right now I’m at Starbucks again. Don’t worry, its a different one. I set up my laptop which took a while, I’m downloading DaVinci Resolve. It is the best video editor I was able to find that is actually free. I watched some tutorials in the mean time, and I have to say it looks really high end and professional.

 

Now, for the good stuff. My first video is done. It looks like complete trash, I’m not even going to lie. But hey, its my first video and I really don’t know what I’m doing. You would think that I would delete it and just make something better. But here’s the thing. I really had so much fun filming and editing it. Since its also the very first thing I produce (dang check me out) I want everyone to see where I came from, you know when I make it big, (hahhahaha I’m just kidding). But I think you get what I mean.

That’s all for now. Don’t worry I wont bother you tomorrow with another post. I know I can get a little annoying. I’ll wait till Monday.

YouTube

YouTube.

Should I do it or not? Also, sorry that I’ve been blogging so much I’m really being extra this week. I’ve been thinking about starting a channel on YouTube. Is it a good idea? Not sure. Do I want to do it? Yes. Will I do it? Not really sure either.

Ok, so I’ve always wanted to do a YouTube channel. I don’t know why, I think it’s fun, hilarious, and just silly. I talk to myself constantly, why not just put that out there? I’ve been blogging for a little over two years, is it time to transition into Vlogging? (For the people who are uncultured, that means recording myself while talking about literally nothing that is beneficial to absolutely no one).

I love writing, don’t get me wrong, but somethings you just have random thoughts that you just blurt out and don’t even have a chance to write down. My thoughts happen to fast, faster then my fingers can type. And sometimes I say really weird and random things that make me laugh.

Let’s talk logistics here. I know it’s a lot of work. The filming, the editing, and all the stuff I have yet to learn and comprehend. For now, I’ll film in my iPhone, it’s pretty decent. But let’s be real, I’m not going to go out and buy an expensive camera and then all the sudden this thing doesn’t work out, no, gotta start small. For editing software I have this coworker who can hook me up with some really good stuff if I ask him. He’s kind of a nerd for that stuff.

My content? Well I’m glad you asked. One of my friends that I told actually did ask though. I’m not a beauty guru or any DIY smarty pants, so definitely not going to do that. I just want to vlog, all I want to do really is talk. Talk about what’s going on, my life, anything in general. That’s fun right? You’d watch? Probably not. I don’t really know of this is a good idea or if it’s just me living right now in the moment and someone just needs to stop me before it all falls apart but I’m actually very excited for this, like I’m living for this right now. And we’ll see how that goes.

I Don’t Want To Be Boring

I’m sitting at work currently day dreaming of a better place. I know in my last post I was talking about living on the beach. The thing is that I feel like I need change in my life. I have been doing the same routine for a while and I’m feeling bored.

Its most likely just me. But still, do you wake up every morning ready to go do the same boring shit every day? That’s what I feel I do. I know I shouldn’t be complaining and technically I’m not, I’m just venting, a lot of other people would love to be doing what I do or at least be in the position that I am now.

But, is it wrong to want change? Is It wrong to want to be doing something different? I want to learn new things and go to unfamiliar places. Is it wrong to want to aspire to be more than what I am now?

Most people would most likely say that I should go back to school and get a degree and work hard to get an excellent job and live life like everyone else on this planet. But, dude like did you even read what I just wrote. I don’t want to be boring!

Not that my life is that boring, it’s really not but the day to day, work, and everything in between is just so bland. I need adventure, I need excitement, I need change.

Scared For 2018

So right now snapchat, instagram, and Facebook are all being flooded with post about how 2017 treated people. Some are saying that it was great and some are saying how it’s the worst year yet.

For me I’m swiping through word press and see all the 2017 posts as well. People saying goodbye to this year and hello to the next.

All the while I’m in my bed just listing to music. Doing nothing special. Not drinking, not having fun. Just boring old me in my bed. Sadly I work tomorrow but over time is over time.

I messaged a friend and told him that I really did appreciate his friendship this year. Through our ups and downs. Our adventures and out boring phases . It was all fun and great and he really did make this year better.

I’m scared for 2018 honestly. Everyone says that the next year will be better but it seems to only get worse. What’s going on? I have so many questions and no one seems to want to answer them. Am I the only one who’s scared?

You And Me

I thought of you today

Did you think of me?

The way your hair smells

The way you hold me

Laughter over music

Food over day dreams

Love so pure

Hands so soft

You and me

I miss your face

I miss you every day

Are you on your way?

Here to stay?

Take me there

Together well roam

Far away

We’ll build our home

You and me

I wake up

Foggy but still

Thinking of you

You’re not here

Empty bed

Lonely thoughts

Here I go

On my own

You and me

There is no more

Only in my brain

Have you stayed

Walked out the door

You were fake

It wasn’t fate

Just my imagination

What a conclusion

You and me

Green Green Green

I LOVE nature! Like a lot. Well, I wouldn't go chain myself to a tree like a nature freak but I do admire its beauty. I like being surrounded by trees. Green green green. To hear the wind dance through the branches of the trees and smell the freshness of the air as it caresses my face is one of the best feelings ever. Relaxing. A feeling you don't get everyday. And trust me I need a vacation.

Seeing as Labor Day weekend is just around the corner I told my mom I wanted to travel. Last year we went to Sequoia National Park also on Labor Day weekend. It was my third time going and I never get bored. Going back seems so familiar but everything feels so different. It's definitely a new experience every time. Now I want to go back.

At first I wanted to go to Yosemite since I have not been there yet. But seeing as how my mom just is recuperating still I think Sequoia will be easier for her. She's moving around more and even drives now. And also we plan to see waterfalls this time and the trails to them are really easy and actually not that far.

I can't wait to go back, I wish I could stay the night, and maybe one day even camp. I love trees. I love the forest. Nature is awesome!

Even Though I Don’t Have A Life, I Like To Pretend I Do

Just when I thought I was having writers block aka my life was hella boring and nothing was going on that was of such importance for me to be blogging about it, in walks Life and says, "lol just kidding."

Well technically there hasn't been literally nothing going on because in that case I would be dead. I guess you could say I've just been really lazy. Well mostly tired. I worked almost 60 hours for three weeks straight and it got to me a little. I even think I gained back some weight and I have to say I'm not too happy about that, correction, I'm not happy at all about that.

The thing is that our neighbors dog is the devil. No joke. He. Is . Satan. I never thought he would reincarnate in animal again but I mean he's done that before and now he's out to get me. Why? Well I usually get up every morning before work and jog in our back yard since it's big enough. And of course I'm not going to go out in the street. Not in this neighborhood. So, he's just been barking at me like I'm some kind of burglar or something. Like, dude I'm just trying to get my physical on. You know?

He didn't comprehend that. It's weird he was never doing that before but all of the sudden I'm his number one target. It's been three days and I even told my mom I was going to buy an elliptical or a fan bike, just something so I could get my cardio in without bothering the spawn of Satan. And I don't want to file a noise complaint because I don't want trouble, I avoid conflict at all cost, so no thanks bye.

Anyway, now on to the juicy news that actually made me right this post. Promotion. Yaaas gurl you heard it right. For me. Well it's a big maybe, but still. My lead asked me if I wanted to move departments and work as a Sales Bom Tasker. The tittle includes, printing labels for boxes, reboxing, and I think that's pretty much it. Oh, plus a dollar raise. It's really simple. Here's the catch. I would have to work eight to ten hours a day. Not bad, but the start time is six in the morning. Meaning I would be out of work late. And even though I don't have a life, I like to pretend I do so I talked to the supervisor and told him I'd do it if they would let me start at four AM. He said he didn't see a problem but he would still have to run it by the General Manager.

In all honesty. I really do want it. I was looking for a part time job in the afternoon anyways. With a dollar raise and a little more hours it's like a gift from God basically. How can I not take it? What if he says that I have to start at six? That's going to suck because I really want to start at four. Still, just getting the job is a plus. It's moving up.

I talked to my lead about it. She said she threw my name out there because she knew I wanted to move up and it's perfect for me. And ahem it's the only name that was brought up so yeah soak that in. I told her I was actually waiting for her position, but she said what if I didn't get it? I mean this Tasker job is being handed right to me, it wasn't going to be that easy for the inventory lead. Plus she told me that her job is not one to desire. It's stressful and you have to deal with bitchy Anna. And it has more responsibilities and I would be paid the same. So now my head is all over the place.

I told my mom about it as well and she agreed it was a good idea. Wouldn't have to look for a second job. But dam, working ten hours a day. I mean it's possible. The thing is who would pick up my brother from school? Well, is it greedy if I say that I'm the one paying the bills and I'm the one who has to look out for the finances in this house hold? I think not. He's seventeen years old he should get it together learn how to drive and get a license. And a job while he's at it. But who knows.

Will I take the promotion? Will I start at four or six? Will my neighbors dog ever shut the fuck up? Guess we'll find out soon.

Go Fund Me

          In the looks of money shortage I have decided to start a Go Fund Me account. It wasn’t an easy decision. I am one of those people that doesn’t like to ask for help. Not because I am full of pride and what not, but because I don’t want to be dead weight on someone. I don’t want to seem like I am burden on someone. But things are complicated right now.

          My moms surgery turned out to be successful and things are looking great for her. Yes we’re still having trouble with the insurance again, and this time for the oncologist. Granted we were having trouble with them since the beginning. For instance, they are charging us the first appointments we went to back in March and April which some up to the hundreds. Things are hard as it is and with bills being pilled up on top just makes everything even more stressing.

          Yesterday my dog past away which just added more grief to the already huge mountain we have. I created this Go Fund Me account a while back a couple of weeks before we knew that my mom had breast cancer. I never published it or shared it because I was scared to. What would people say? How would I look? Like a failure? Like someone who couldn’t keep it together? These thoughts pushed me back and I thought I could do it on my own, but it seems like I can’t.

          I have been at my lowest for a while and I just need a little help getting back up. You don’t need to donate if you don’t want to, some words of encouragement will go a long way as well. Either way thank you.

 

 
 

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