Prayers For Bobby

We need to talk about this movie. If you haven’t seen it, it is a must watch.

Every time I see this movie I cry. I am so connected with the main character its honestly so scary.

I know that this whole ‘I’m gay and my mom would never understand’ thing is a reoccurring theme on my blog, but that’s my life. Your’e not in my shoes so you don’t get an opinion. Advice is welcomed though, positive thoughts, and good vibes as well. 

This movie really hits home for me. (I wont spoil it for you just in case you haven’t seen it, plus the trailer does a really good job of summing it all up, but you still need to see it). But its basically about a young boy who knows that he is gay and also knows that his mother will not understand or accept him because she believes that being gay is a sin.

Why? Because she is super religious. She is the rock of the family, if we are talking religious wise. She wants all her children to be with her in heaven along with her and her husband.

When Bobby (the main character) admits to his brother that he is gay, after trying to take his life by taking a bottle of pills, the very next day his brother tells his mother that his brother is ‘a homosexual’. She boldly answers, “He’s not.

It’s almost as if I see my mom in this woman. She would give her life for God. As the movie progresses she tries to cure Bobby of his Gayness. Mean while Bobby is doing his best to try to grasp on to his mothers love but also trying to learn to accept that he just can’t change.

Soon his cousin from out of town is introduced to the story and her acceptance of Bobby really makes him more comfortable in his skin. He soon moves in with her after fighting with his mom on last time.

They’re fight is one of the most emotional moments of the movie for me. If you watch it you will know why. If you are a mother you will cry, and maybe, well I hope, you will think that that woman is insane. If you agree with her, then dam you.

At this point, its just tears after tears for me. No dry eyes. I wont stop crying until the very end. Until the last credit is played.

To know what happens next you’ll have to see it for your self, I can’t really explain it without bursting into tears again.

Why did I watch this movie? I don’t really know. Maybe it was just the state I was in? Maybe I wanted to cry? Who knows. I love this movie with all my heart. Even though it hurts me every time. I relate to it so much, on so many levels. I see my life being played out on screen.

I think it also reminds me what I will have to go through with my mother when she finally knows that I am gay. I know how it will be. The only difference is that she actually tried to change him. Not that part, but she kept communication with her son. Even if it was only to try to change him.

My mother is taught that they should break any form of communication with people like me. And I know she would because she’s said it before. This movie hurts, but it helps. It will forever be in my heart and it will for ever help me move on with my life.

I’m really great full that I didn’t end up like Bobby. But I still have a whole mountain to climb and I really hope that I still don’t go down his path when my climb gets rocky and unsteady.

 

Bobby’s death was the direct result of his parents ignorance and fear of the word Gay.

Before you echo Amen, in your home and place of worship, think, think and remember, a child is listening.

 

Friday The 13th Tattoos

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As you can see in the picture, I got tattoos. For many, this is not a big deal, and yes I have had gotten some already, but these mean so much more to me.

I have always liked tattoos. Now in the era that we live in it is not uncommon to see people sporting tattoos on their body. The majority of millennial’s have tattoos now.

The first tattoo that I got on my body was on an area that no one see’s, under my shirt on my side shoulder. The next two I got on my arm. Since I was in a cult and this cult did not allow you to have these (tattoos) I always hid them. I even went to the extreme to try to remove them and I spent a lot of money doing so. But, I didn’t completely get rid of them. Which is a good part because I very much still love them. And I will definitely try to recover what I can from them.

Today, one of my friends reminded me that on every Friday the 13th tattoo shops have a special for tattoos. I was debating on weather I wanted to get any or not.

I told myself, no, this is my life (don’t you forget) and my body. You have always liked tattoos.

Getting these tattoos for me represents me finally taking decisions not being scared of what others will say, specially since they are placed in a very see-able place. It means that I have finally taken charge of my life and I am finally am doing what makes me happy and not what makes other people happy. I am finally living for myself and it makes me so happy.

I got a total of three. If I had more money I probably would have gotten way more. I saw some that I liked but I opted for the ones in the picture above. The third one is on my calf and is a Mario star (from Mario Nintendo).

I absolutely love them. They may be simple but the fact that they are spontaneous is what gives me a sense of enjoyment and is thrilling for me. I love where I put them and I think they are hella cute. I posted them online and the feedback I am getting is absolutely wonderful.

I am happy with these choices. I am happy right now, I really am.

: )

Summer

In case you didn’t know or you’ve been binge watching a show on Netflix, like I have, you haven’t yet looked outside your window or at a calendar and seen that Summer is approaching. Last year my summer was very, epic, (some would say). I had the whole college frat boy experience, without actually going to college, or being a frat boy. There was party week after week. There was “get togethers” , alcohol, and so many other things that I can’t remember because my memory is foggy.

I don’t know about you but for me summer always starts Memorial day weekend. Which is basically a month before “actual” summer starts. Look, I didn’t make the rules, and I don’t really follow them either, but uh, never mind, lost my train of thought.

Anyway, what I am getting at is that I am not ready for summer. All the graduations are coming up. They basically kick off the start of summer. I’m not the most popular of people but I do know people that know people, which gets me an invite to these parties. Parties I do not want to attend. I know that makes me sound like a douche bag but think what you want.

Don’t ask me why I don’t want to go. Stop. I wont tell you. Ok, I’ll tell you. Most of the parties I went last year were “church parties”. And no they weren’t boring. I know the thought of a church party sounds like we sat in a circle and read Bible stories while we asked God to forgive us for having fun. If you think that’s that’s the case, you have a real bad interpretation of religion. Or at least my religion.

They were fun. Nothing crazy, but at the same time it was super chill. I enjoyed them. I went to graduation parties, baby showers, and some parties that really didn’t have a reason but just to have fun and dance. It was a lit time fam. (Eww). But I was different back then. I honestly don’t know who I was. I don’t know who I am now so there’s that too. Where was I going with this?  I don’t know.

All I’m trying to say I think is that I am not ready for summer. (Think I said that twice now). The going out, the parties, the whole being social aspect of it. It just bugs me. I know maybe I’ll change my mind later and come back writing about being the center of attention, but for now that’s where my state of mind is at the moment.

My best friend is acting weird. The Elders in my church want me to be someone they think I want to be, I need to look for a new job, my mom is concerned that I’m not mentally stable, and my friends outside of church still believe I’m that rebel that did all those crazy outrageous things last year. Who is going to tell all these people that they are wrong? Not I. When I do tell them that I am not that, they will ask what I am and I don’t know.

That’s mainly the real reason behind my not wanting to go to these parties. If I go, I’m exposed to being asked about my “spiritual goals” or awkward questions about my ex, or worse, seeing her there and having to speak to her. If I hang out with my non-religious friends they’ll start to think that Party Peter is back, and I don’t want to give them the wrong impression.

So summer, if you’re listening, please postpone your flight. I’m not ready.

 

This Is My Journal Blog

We have hit a mile stone! As of today, yes, today. Write it down on your calendar because it is important to me. I have my own domain! *insert cheers here*.

 

The other day I was wondering through the internet (as one millennial would do) and as I approached my blog, I was not logged into word press. I wanted to see what the reader sees when they click on my blog. Well, what I found was horrendous. I almost had a heart attack. There were so many ads.

 

Was I promoting what ever it was you were seeing? No. Was I making money off of that? No. That’s why I was shook. I literally fell out of my chair. If there are going to be ads on my page then you bet your little smooth bottom I’m going to be profiting off of those, so when you see them in the future click on them and help me make a living ok? OK. Just kidding, wordpress please don’t sue me.

 

I have been on this site for a little over 2 years now. This is actually my third year on this site. Don’t you think its time we make some changes? Sure the “don’t fix whats not broke” thing might come in here but change is good. Well some change, like this change. Ok, I’m not making any sense but you get the picture, right?

 

Any ways, welcome once again to my official Blog.

 

*Cuts ribbon*

*Champagne bottle pop noise thingy*


Youtube

Hello My Name Is…

Hello, my name is Pedro.

Most of my friends call me Peter. In English that’s what my name translates to. When ever I meet someone new they instantly say, “hey! Vote for Pedro right?.” As if I was the one in the movie. (Napoleon Dynamite). That soon gets annoying. I’ve been nicknamed other things as well, like Peter Parker and Peter Pan. Peter Pan is the one that’s stuck around. I don’t mind it. I like Peter more than Pedro, don’t ask why.

I grew up in a small town just like everyone else basically. It was in between two big very known towns but it was quite a drive. I loved that town. It was perfect. At least that’s what was left in my brain from what I remember. Sadly though, I moved away when I was ten. My father got a job offer in the city I live in now. So we all had to move.

I grew up being a Jehovah Witness. That’s all I knew. That’s what my mom taught me. My father never had any interest in it so he never went to the gatherings. I had friends I had left behind and I didn’t make any when I moved here. I was rather a loner for the longest time.

We settled in with family until we finally found a home for us. School was extremely hard. I couldn’t make friends easily. I would mind my own business and try speak to anyone. Thank fully there was this one kid who took me under his wing. He was cool. We eventually started hanging out more and more until we became friends.

That only lasted two years. Back in the late 2000’s when the economy was terrible my father lost his job and we were short on money. That lasted a while until my father was deported back to his country of birth. He was a hard working man that really cared for his family and tried his best to support us economically, but unfortunately life isn’t always how we want it.

When all that happened, we moved back in with one of my aunts. My mother started working and I left public school and became homeschool to take care of my younger brother and my cousins. Then we moved from place to place until we finally found a nice little shack we call home since then.

I started working when I was 19 years old. It was at a fast food place everyone knows. I had a great time there meeting new people and making long lasting relationships with the people that worked there. I honestly did learn a lot working there. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.

While working there I became way more social then I had once been. Parties, eating out, going out, and just about everything in between. It was a time I thought I knew who I was, but I didn’t.

I bought my car just months before I quit there. Found a new job in less then a month, thank god. Then I dedicated my time and everything else to my religion. I shunned the friends I made that did not believe what I did. Months later I welcomed them back in my life and turned my back on religion.

After that it’s been a love and hate relationship between me and God. It wasn’t until the end of last year which really made me reconsider what I wanted in life. To live a double life? Or finally stay loyal to one side. I chose religion. Do I regret it? No.

But I got ahead of myself. In the beginning of 2017 my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. The years that followed were hectic. Complicated to say the least. But we got through it. Mastectomy, tissue transfer, and ultrasounds, but we made it.

Of course, there are so much more things that happened during those times. But those are other stories for other times.

Just wanted to let everyone know a little more about who I am.