I have been on WordPress for years now. This is not the first blog I have tried to start. But this is the one that has lasted the longest. I’m really great full that it has. Going back and reading everything I wrote back then brings back a lot of memories. Both good and back. That is the great thing about keeping a journal. You can relive all the moments that you had in the past.
Being on here for years I have learned many things. Some things have been helpful and others haven’t, really just depends on how you see things. Or what you want the out come to be. What was the purpose of you starting a blog? If your intent was to get followers of course you need the algorithm information and all that stuff to know what your readers want to be reading.
If you want to help people with some sort of information then you probably want to try to get as much feedback in your comments section as possible that way you know that you are helping those people out. If comments is what you want and you aren’t getting any that’s when you can switch things out and maybe find a way to be more appealing to your audience.
Depending on what you want you still have to be realistic with yourself. Just because you think what you write is the best, doesn’t mean others will think the same. But that doesn’t mean you should stop. Unless you want people to think what you write is great (to which a certain extend we all do), in that case you need to see what your audience really wants.
You have to enjoy what you do. When you don’t you kind of just do things because you have to do it. But when you actually enjoy it, you make sure that is great, or that its the closest to perfection that there is.
Which brings me to my next point. Make sure that you reread and proof read your content. You want to make sure it makes sense and everyone can actually undersatnd what you are talking about. It can seem like just common sense but still. I know I mess up on that a lot but in my defense I’m super excited to write and my fingers go Nacho Libre on the keyboard. Plus, some times its hard to find your own mistakes, which is something I should probably work on… (lol). But I’ll get there, maybe by my 400th post.
I’m no wiz at this whole internet blogging thing, and even though I have been blogging for years I still don’t consider myself a “blogger“. The purpose of my blog was just to write down my thoughts and life experiences. And until this day that is all I’ve done. And some people seem to be interested in it, (so thank you to those you read my blog, and thank you to those who comment, very much appreciated. *Insert virtual hug here*). I will keep it up, as much as I can.
It is June already can you believe it? I swear just a couple of weeks ago we were complaining about how long January was. I feel as if we went from the start of the year right to the middle. What even happened in the middle? At least for me that’s how it feel. Life is passing by like a bullet.
June. June is a big month for me. Not only because it is in fact my birth month, but it is also the start of summer. Technically, it doesn’t start until the end of the summer, but here in Cali it officially starts at the beginning. Just yesterday the weather almost reached the 90’s. Not to mention that it’s the middle of the year as well. I don’t usually know how to feel about the middle of the year every year. Depends on how my year is going or if there is anything I am looking forward to the rest of the year.
What do I expect from June this year? Answers. I really want answers. If June will not give them to me I am in a position, or a state of mind, where, I’ll take them.
I have all these up coming events for the summer and I do not know what I will be doing. I can’t even start deciding because there are so many little factors that play in. So, that’s why I have to wait until June is done with and I have answers I need.
I have two road trips in the works for the month of August. I really want to go to both. One is for Utah and the other is for Idaho. I love road trips and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I need these road trips. I want them. I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to go. Or maybe I’ll just wing it and see what happens. Life is short. What if I do get a job? Then what?
Things with my best friend haven’t really been the on best of terms. And to be completely brutallyhonest, I really don’t care about him. If he would just decide to stop speaking to me and end the friendship I wouldn’t even flinch. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t need this high school drama. You want to be friends? You have an issue with me? Don’t text me, say it straight to my face.
So June, what do you have in store for me this year?
What’s the opposite of writers block? I think I have that. I want to type until my fingers bleed. Maybe not as much but sort of like that. I have all these thoughts in my head I want to spit out onto the blank canvas on my screen. But, I wont. It would be too messy and honestly no one is down to listen to all that nonsense. Plus no one would understand it either way.
I was thinking though I would at least let one thought out into the world. One can’t do that much damage can it?
My phone has been through hell and back more than twice and ever since then when ever it vibrates it makes this crazy vibration sound that people think its a sex toy. I’m not kidding. The freaking thing can be heard in my pocket clearer than then the ring tone. It’s been an issue for a while. Anyone who has yet to hear it I have to explain to them that my phone has been through some serious things and that’s its way of screaming for attention, before they get the wrong impression of me.
To fix this issue I have resorted in using the Do Not Disturb function on my phone. Let me tell you something. This was function was made by the Leave Me The F*** Alone Gods. At first I did it because I was tired of hearing the buzzing sound that my phone made. But then, I was liberated. I was freed. I noticed that I wasn’t always reaching for my phone 24/7. I even stopped feeling my pocket thinking that my phone had gone off when in reality hadn’t, (you know what I’m talking about right? When you think your phone vibrates when in fact it hasn’t, its just your brain playing mind tricks on you).
It’s been over a week since I started doing this and I have to say that my life has gotten way much better. There are functions on this setting that will allow someone to get through this firewall, if there actually is an emergency. So there really isn’t any reason that I have for turning it back on.
When I need to text someone, I will. If they text me, now I will text them back the next time I pick up my phone, not when my phone is having a full on vibration seizure. Its actually really therapeutic. I highly recommend it, if you’re not that addicted to getting notifications, or you are one of those peoples that needs to know when they get a text or else they will have an asthma attack if they don’t reply within 5 seconds, if that’s the case, I think you got an issue to be honest.
Self harm has never been easy for me to talk about. Even though I have talked about it on here before, it’s not and easy topic or an and everyday thing to speak about.
I’ve had a really long relationship with self harming. It’s different for everyone. It had been a little over a year since the last time this accrued. But it did. It has.
I don’t like talking about this. I don’t like even mentioning it. I hide it. Keep it covered. No one can know no one can find out.
My best friend yesterday finally broke through that wall. Everything seemed ok, everything was, or at least that’s how I usually play it as. Until he saw through it for the first time.
I told him. I don’t know why. I don’t even know how. But I did. Today when I woke up, I felt a wave of regret. Why did I tell him? He wouldn’t care. He doesn’t need to know, this isn’t his problem. Embarrassing, humiliating, and pathetic problem. Is he even going to want to still be friends?
So many thoughts went through my mind. But it was different. He listened. He was there. And he offered to help. Just thinking about it now makes me ball out with tears.
I like to say I’m strong. That I can do it all. And many people have told me that that’s what they see in me. Because that’s what I let them see. But there’s way more. I didn’t think I’d come back to this situation I’m in again. I thought this was all done with. It was all over. The whole “what doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger”, but it’s not like that. It’s more of a What doesn’t kill you, will come back again and again and try to kill you every time you beat it.
There’s a song that really gets to me every time I listen to it. Maybe it’s cheesy, maybe its too something something, but the message in it is what I relate to.
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it every, every, every time It’s only when I’m lonely Sometimes I just wanna cave And I don’t wanna fight I try and I try and I try and I try and I try Just hold me, I’m lonely
I’m sorry that I’m here again I promise I’ll get help It wasn’t my intention I’m sorry to myself
I am no professional blogger. I’m not even a professional writer. Sometimes I miss spell words or either do not use the correct ones. I hope everyone understands what I try to say though. Although writing and reading are my most favorite things to do that doesn’t mean I’m good at them.
Two weeks ago marked two years I’ve had this blog. Two years I’ve been writing and spilling all my feelings for everyone on the internet to see. Two years that I’ve had ups and downs and written about them. My good days and bad days. All my flings and romances and even current relationships. Everything. The best way to get to know the real me would be reading my blog.
This post also marks my 200th post. For me that’s a huge milestone. But also, just to think that I’ve written that many posts, or in general said so many things, so many words and letters. It’s like an accomplishment. I’ve tried having a blog before and it never worked out. But this time, for some reason, I’ve been here.
I was going to write a post about what I’ve learned from blogging or of blogging. But, if I’m honest here, I haven’t learned much. I don’t see this place as a place to get views or followers. Sure having people that will read what you right is great! But that’s not why I do what I do. I’ve learned more about myself on this blog and I have to give thanks to it for that.
For example, I’ve learned that I’m a person who likes to express their feelings. And it’s totally fine! If you don’t express yourself, this feelings get bottled up and will eventually burst out, and sometimes you can’t control or handle the way they do. And maybe you knew that, but I didn’t.
Another thing that’s been really close to my heart that I’ve learned from this blog is that there are people out there that feel the same way as I do. Sure, you knew that , but I didn’t. We live life really blinded thinking that our situation is the only one on the planet. That’s not true, maybe there are people else where going through something that is similar to you. I’ve learned that through my readers comments and I appreciate every single one. Thank you.
I honestly do wish I would have started this blog way long ago. It would have helped me in so many ways. But I’m very great full I have it now.