Changes

I have decided to make some changes to my lifestyle.

Call Me Britney Spears because I did it again, I gained weight. I know I shouldn’t be so concerned about gaining weight here and there, with all the self love that’s allegedly going around now a days. And I wish I could be one of those people that just doesn’t give a fuck about how their body looks like, but sadly I am not.

I like to feel good about my body, I want to be and feel healthy. I don’t want abs and biceps and all that either. I just want to look like I take care of myself. Maybe its a body image issue? I don’t know, it gives me confidence, makes me feel good. Maybe I have a mental issue, who knows? The jury is still out.

To fix this I have decided to quit sugary drinks. Soda, coffee, and juices. I need to only focus on drinking water. Sugar is my main problem. That’s why I’m cutting it out of my life. I’ve done it before and not only have I dropped in pounds, my skin and mood got so much better too, along with my energy levels.

Another change I would like to make is reading. I don’t do it. I used to do a lot of it. But now all I do is binge watch shows. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney, and YouTube have all taken up my time. They have literally taken control of my life. In this time and age everyone is watching something, I miss reading. I miss using my own imagination to paint the scenes and make them how I want them to be in my head. Like, what happened to reading? When was the last time you read a book? I went to the store today after the gym and I grabbed a book. I plan to read it before bed every night, I heard that even helps with falling asleep too, so there’s another benefit.

Those are just two things that I want to change as soon as I can. There are many other things I am also working on as a person and for my self care but they are on going and I probably already mentioned them before on here so I wont bore you with the same details over and over again.

For now, it’s time to change.

Internship Interview

I had my first internship interview today.

I have to be completely honest by saying that I almost didn’t even go. I was really nervous and a little upset that it was so far away. Not to mention I was sick, so the whole drive over I was just in a bad mood with myself.

I even debated on weather I should just tell my teacher that I wouldn’t be able to make it because I was too sick. But instead I talked myself into just biting the bullet and just winging the interview just for the experience, then maybe after telling my teacher to send me somewhere closer.

To my surprise though, I really liked the place and the interviewer. She was very nice and seemed to really like me and my experience. I also liked the position. The place is a non-profit, I will be working under her supervision in the marketing and service department for the business doing clerical and administrative things.

I don’t know yet if I have the internship job, she still has to go over the applicants resumes and then she will inform our teacher, but I do hope that I get it. At first I really didn’t even want to go, but in the end now I want that internship.

It was a feeling or a sense of belonging. As though that is where I should be, that is where the universe wants me to be. In other words it just felt right.

Fingers are crossed so hopefully I get it.

Back To The Grind

I’m back home. *cries*

I spent almost two weeks at my boyfriends house for Christmas and New Years. I have to say it was a great vacation, and just like mostly everyone, now its back to the real life.

Coming back home I thought things would feel different. Usually when I am gone for so long things seem to feel off or not just right when I come back, sometimes old things just feel new. But its as if I was only gone for a day. I’m not really sure if that’s just how time flies by now or if I really didn’t miss being home.

Tomorrow I go back to school and on Wednesday I have my first internship interview. I was emailed on my winter break by my teacher notifying me to be ready. The interview is at a nonprofit organization in the next town over. I would have preferred it to be closer since I wont be getting paid for it but I have to remember that I need to do this for the experience.

I have been sick with a fever and some body aches since last Thursday, which has not been fun, and I’m really hopping it all goes away by the time I have my interview. Today I just woke up with a sore throat.

I have to unpack all my things, take a warm shower, buy medicine, and then go shop for some ‘business attire’ since I have to dress Gucci now. (Hello more debt).

Unpacking is so sad. Like, you come back home from having a good time and realize the party is over. The good times are all finished and it all just seems like a dream. Like you woke up and you have to try your best not to forget the small details and all the good moments that happened. Ugh its all so sad. But we can’t dwell on it.

That’s just life isn’t it? Well, back to the grind.

Relationship Plans

If you haven’t seen it yet you will, “new year new me” or even the “new decade new me” that’s going around on social media right now.

To be honest I’ve always hated that. Yes, if you’re going to better yourself go ahead but don’t blame the year that you didn’t achieve your goals, blame your bad decision making skills and don’t feel bad about it, we’re all human and we all make mistakes. It’s part of life and it’s part of growing. Just be sure to learn from them and don’t repeat them.

With that being said, me and my boyfriend talked about where we want our relationship to go this year. Our goals and our plans.

One of our similar goals is moving in together by at least the end of the year. I know that’s a big step and I have only dated him for a short time but when you know you know right? And it’s a plan for the end of the year not next Tuesday.

One of his goals is to pay off some things he needs to pay off. Not a big deal, and I truly wish him the best in bettering himself and fixing what he needs to fix.

One of my goals is coming out to my family. I know, it’s a big one. But I can’t just move in with him without telling my mom. I mean I can, but what am I going to say? I’m moving in with a friend? No, I just don’t want to do that.

We also talked about marriage. It’s a huge step to be talking about in a new relationship like ours but if you don’t talk about it where is your relationship going? Are you dating just for fun? Or where do you want It to go?

I wouldn’t mind getting married to him, that’s actually what I want. I really love this guy and he’s been good to me so far, he makes me really happy and he says I do as well. So if marriage is on the table then I guess we’ll be eating.

We talked about other things, where we would live, how we would live, working, and a lot of other stuff. It was honestly really cute and it gave me a sense of security, this guy really loves me, and it seems like he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, isn’t that sweet?

Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic (which I am) but this is going really great, and I really hope it stays that way.

My First Rave

I celebrated ringing in the New Year at a rave. I had a good time with my boyfriend and his friend. But let’s all face it, it’s not my scene.

I didn’t know the music, and honestly I didn’t really understand it. Boom boom this boom boom that, drop here drop there. People smoking in your face, not to mention there is no personal space what so ever. I felt like five people were touching me at the same time all the time. Plus it was so hard to walk through the crowds.

The drinks were super expensive which is probably why people were doing drugs. Oh the drugs! Security was total shit, they didn’t even pat me down, and my boyfriends friend had a bag and they didn’t even care to check it. He didn’t have anything but still, I think I made my point.

I know I may just be paranoid but do you judge me? I mean have you seen the world and how it is? Yes I tried to have fun but it’s just not for me.

I told my boyfriend and he was very understanding, that’s what I love about him. I can talk to him and he understands. Or at least tries to. He said he’s over raves too, the good thing is that he has time to experience them in the past.

Maybe if I knew the artists playing or liked the songs then I would go, but it’s safe to say raves are not for me, and I’m totally ok with that.