I Am A Fox

The Fox.

I have a weird obsession with this animal. Any and everyone who is close to me knows how much I love the Fox. Most of them believe that I like this animal simply because it is orange. And to some extent, that does have something to do with it. But it is not the main reason. Let me tell you in depth why I am so drawn to the Fox.

Like I said it did have something to do with the color orange. (It is my favorite color by the way). How did that become so? It started when I was little. I clearly remember back in school when I was just a tiny little nerd. Maybe in kindergarten or even in the first grade. Your favorite color was like your identity. What defined you was; your name, your favorite color, and some random hobby. Different from today (your job, your car, your house. Kid times were the best times).

I remember, boys liked blue, girls liked pink, and there was always that one weirdo that liked black, (no offense to my emo friends). But mainly the blue and pink group were the biggest groups. Even as a little kid I didn’t want to be placed in a group. (Choosing to be part of some thing is different then being placed in it).  I wanted to be different. I wanted to stand out. Why did I have to be just like everyone else? Then I met Orange.

The color Orange is a color that pierces through your eyes without asking for permission.  It’s strong and bright, it screams courage. It’s always alert, but never afraid.

I liked that. Always alert, but never afraid. The more shades of orange I found the more I began to like it. There was a shade of orange for all my feelings, mix it with red or yellow and you get an even better different forms of orange. I was not like the boys who liked blue, nor was I like the girls who liked pink. I liked Orange. (Maybe I was the weirdo?).

During elementary school one of my cousins used to baby sit me. She was one of those cool teenage girls that had straight A’s but yet hung out with all the cool kids at school, and made them look good. I know, the early 2000’s were something else. She gave me this huge book about animals. A through Z. It had the picture of the animals at the top, and right below it, it had all these fun facts and information about that animal.

The book was amazing. The pictures were great. I remember that I would flip through that book so much that it started to wear out. I came across the tiger. Orange stripes. Cool enough. Orange nonetheless. I learned a lot about tigers at an early age. In the fourth grade that was the only thing I would talk about. Tigers. I even did a report on them in my first year of middle school.

There was something off about the tiger. I liked it yes, but some times I just didn’t connect to it.  Then in middle school I went above and beyond what Nature classified animals as and I tried to relate to them on a human level. (I know, humans, always looking for more than what there already is).

The tiger is said to be one of the most powerful wild cats in the jungle. They didn’t give it the tittle King of the Jungle for any small reason. I already knew that this animal had great strength. The tiger itself represents strength, power, and bravery.

Have you heard of the saying, “never wake up a sleeping tiger”? Well, there is a reason. I think you can imagine.

I lost interest of this creature once I started to notice its monstrous ways. The eyes of a tiger alone can make its prey run up a tree. Did I really want to relate to an animal like that? I know many MANLY BROS would be like, “hell yeah bro, tiger all the way bro, bravery this bro, strong that bro, courage blah blah bro bro bro.” But like, why?

We have all been tigers in our lives here and there. That doesn’t mean we had to stay there. There are many Chinese and Japanese stories about how the human needs the spirit of the tiger at times in life just to survive. I love reading those stories. But that’s why the tiger was not the animal for me.

Then I found the Fox.

Of course I had known some of the fox characteristics before from the book that I was given. But nothing in great detail. Then my great venture began. I hit gold! There were many species of foxes out there. Just like tigers, not all of then came in orange. The red fox (even though its orange as hell in my opinion) is my favorite. The arctic fox comes in a close second, because it reminds me of innocence.

What is it about the Fox that drew my attention? The fox in the wild can not rely on its strength or even its ferociousness, because it doesn’t have any. To many, a fox can seem week, even pathetic, helpless animal. It’s prey doesn’t consist of large animals. It mainly hunts birds, rabbits, and eats any small fish, crabs, some fruits and some vegetables.

This animal, even though it seems harmless is great at avoiding getting hunted. The fox has to manage its way around predators like the wolf, bobcats, and other animals depending where the fox is located geographically. As if it isn’t enough it also has to be on the look out for human hunters.

It has to outwit these predators to stay alive. That’s what I like about the fox. So why did I find and interest in an animal that seems like it is at the bottom of the animal kingdom pyramid? In the native american culture the fox is one of the highest respected animals. It is known for being smart and devious. (It has to be, I mean its going up against these savage killers with powerful strength). It’s also know for knowing the right path to take when everyone else is lost and can’t find direction.

In my life, I’ve had many types of predators. Wolfs, bobcats, hunters, so to speak. I have not won any battle by the strength of my fists like a tiger would have. My battles, fights, and obstacles have been outwitted by the mere capacity of my brain.

In this world of Tigers, Wolfs, Bobcats, and Hunters.

I am a FOX.

Bongo

          My soul is crushed. I feel broken. As if a part of me was no more. Memories consume me. Pictures bring me to tears. I knew this day would come eventually but not this soon.

          When I got home from work this evening my mom was waiting for me sitting patiently. It seemed weird to me but she acted normal. I thought she was just hot and wanted to be closer to the AC. I sat next to her and listened to how her day had gone. How some friends come to visit her and gave her advice. One of her friends had cancer. I was glad she could help my mom with her experience and how she handled everything.

          After I told my mom how my day went she told me she had news that were rather sad. She didn’t know how I was going to react. I didn’t either. I was scared nonetheless. Then she said it. My dog past away. It was like my world had sunken. Like water levels had drastically risen and were were submerged and fighting for our last breaths. I didn’t understand. I ran outside. I had to see for myself.  It must have been a lie, it had to be a lie, but it wasn’t.

          He laid there motionless. My best friend. The only one who was and had always been there for me. The one who was always eager to lend a ear. The one who was always happy to see me. The one I knew I could trust in. Ten years of my life we had spent together. Through the good and the bad.


          And now that was all gone. He was gone. No more. I was crushed. Heartbroken. I stood there trying not to cry. trying to act mature. But with everything else going on and now this? It was nearing impossible. How do you lose a friend and not cry? How do you go through one of the hardest months in your life and not cry?

          Maybe a pets death wouldn’t make some one cry like I did. But I was like a strong glass at a wedding toast that took a beating with a silver spoon. And as it continued the glass cracked ever so slightly. Each hit was less then before but the glass cracked more and more because it was becoming fragile with every hit. Until the spoon won. It was my tip of the iceberg, the last hit.

          I will miss you. You were the best friend I ever had. You came into my life when I was young and needed someone to lean on. You became my friend and then soon family, to not only me but my brother and mother. I grew up with you. I’m going to miss seeing you. I’m going to miss playing with you. I’m going to miss the way you jumped up and down when you heard the bag of dog food. I’m going to miss when I would go away for a couple of hours and returned to your warm and happy trot. I’m going to miss coming home and you being the first thing I saw.


          I’m sorry we didn’t get to have more time with each other. I’m sorry I didn’t treat you better. Sorry I didn’t spoil you more. Sorry I didn’t give you more of my love. I’m sorry I didn’t give you the best life. I’m sorry life was this short for you. I will always remember you.


In the loving memory of Bongo. You will be missed, rest in peace in doggy heaven.