A Letter To My Past Lovers

I was thinking about moving on with my life. In order to do so I have to say goodbye to what once was and be great full that I went through it and take with me what I have learned. I know that sounds super cheesy, but it is what it is. Basically its just Ariana Grande’s song Thank You, Next, in written in a letter.

 

Dear past Lovers,

I wanted to take some time to talk to you. To let you know, that I am who I am in part, because of you. A lot of people can say that who they date or love does not influence the person that they are. They say that they are still true to themselves. I believe that, to a certain extent. We are all influenced, some more than others. I learned a lot from all of you, and I want you to know.

My first lover, my very first lover. I never thought I would have anyone else after you. I remember I wanted you so bad. Why? Because I was influenced by others that I had to? Maybe. But in the end, I really did love you. When it was over I cried so much. I saw the end coming for the longest time but yet still hoped we would make it through, but we didn’t. We’re not even friends anymore, we lost touch, but I’m thinking that it was for the best. I learned so much thanks to you. I learned that someone can love me. It’s possible. Thanks to you. I learned that distance is a cruel enemy and it can’t be trusted.

To my other lovers, I never really cared for you. I need to say that. If I did maybe I would have stayed. Or maybe I have commitment issues, but that’s for another day. I did like all of you. I really did. I tried my best to be happy. But thanks to you time after time I have learned that, happiness does not come from having someone by your side. It does not come from being someone else’s. It comes from your own being, and then after , only after, you share that with the person you love.

Lovers, you have also taught me how far I am willing to go for what I feel love is. I always wanted to be loved, but I never really loved myself. You have taught me to love myself before someone else. How can some one be loved if they do not love themselves?

My last almost lover, you are the one that has taught me the most, but at the same time the one who has left me the most confused. Before you, I thought I knew who I was. Before you I thought I had it all figured out, I never thought I would go in the direction you took me. It left me messed up, dazed, confused. I would do it all over again. Without a doubt. I almost loved you. Almost. I was falling hard. But before I hit the ground I caught myself, picked myself up, and I walked away. I couldn’t take it. You taught me a lot. You showed me how controlling I can be, how needy I am. And before, that would have terrified me, but now, I accept that.

To all of you, thank you for being in my life. I really enjoyed the time we spent with each other. To be completely honest, if I had the chance to do everything all over again, I would. But I wouldn’t change that many things. Maybe some, but I would still want you in my life, at least for that very brief of a second that you were.

 

With much love,

Peter.

Saturday

This past Saturday was nostalgic. No, I didn’t do anything exciting, and no I didn’t go anywhere luxurious. But I had a good time, alone.

I was planning on sleeping early. And waking up and going to the gym early in the morning. But I started listening to The Chainsmokers. They’re Music is really great. I like their style and specially they’re new music. My favorite song from them is Don’t let me down and Closer comes in a close second.

When I started listening to them I lost my sleep. YouTube was there to keep me company. Once it came time to actually sleep I heard the neighbors music, they had a party going on that I didn’t notice since I had been wearing earphones the whole night.

When midnight struck I felt hungry so I wen to Jack in the box. Got a burrito which I really enjoyed. Stayed in the parking lot for a while before heading back home.

Music on blast I was happy. I was having a good time and I felt content. It was almost magical. Threw some in some Cardi B in there to finish the night as I went to sleep around 4AM.

Not a bar hopping, money spending night, but music and fast food are the way to my soul.