Coming Out To My Coworkers

I was actually writing a different post but I have been so busy planning my whole birthday week, I don’t mean to flex on y’all like that but it is my b day week so I feel as if its justified. (I’m going to the movies, shopping, sixflags, the beach, the club, and eating sushi).

Just this week alone I have came out to two people. One of them was an old coworker that I don’t see that often any more since she no longer works with me. But we kept in contact all these years and still hang out often. I wanted to talk to her and see how she was doing and also tell her everything that was going on in my life. She wanted to do the same.

We took a walk in the park and after we gossiped about everything that we needed to catch up on I told her I needed to tell her something. It was hard, because as humans we fear the unknown and we fear the rejection we will receive if we are not accepted. But it went well. She said she is proud of me. She also told me that its good that I am now living for myself and not for other people. She even cried and hugged me and it felt so liberating. Why did I put it off for so long?

The other person is one of my current coworkers. She is a really sweet person. I have gotten to know her and bond with her over the course of just a few months. I really actually didn’t even need to come out to her. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt.

I told her I left my old religion since she knew I was in it from when I met her. Then a couple days passed and I told her I was going to celebrate my B day with some friends at the beach. While I told her the reasons why I left my old religion ‘I couldn’t be the person I wanted to be,’ she kind of got the clue. If she didn’t then she must have after I told her I was going to a my favorite gay night club also on my birthday. Her response was “OMG how fun, I have 3 gay friends.” Don’t know how to feel about that but I know she was only trying to be accepting in her own way. I hope she can come to the club with all my friends. I have friends that are taking other friends, it feels nice I’m not gonna lie.

Today, one of the very first people to welcome me to the job were I’m at said she wanted to take me out for sushi. I said hell yeah! I told her that its perfect since I did want to tell her something. She told me no biggie what ever it was she would be there for me. I love that.

Everything seems to be going well. SEEMS. But we will see. I am so grateful that I have all these supportive people in my life. But this is the real world we do live in. And I know some people will be furious by what I do, and I have to learn to accept that, and also not care about it. Even though some of those people will be people I really cared about.

But in the mean time, 25 here I come!

24

Yesterday was my twenty-fourth birthday. I don’t usually celebrate it at all because of my religion and if or when I do or did it was never on my actual birthday. This time it was different because I did it in the exact day and it was a blast.

Me and a couple of friends headed to the beach. Malibu to be exact. I love the beach. There’s something about hearing the waves crash on the shore and then get carried back to the ocean is just so relaxing.

Being with friends and just being surrounded with positive vibes felt great. I don’t feel twenty-four yet. I barley even felt the age that I was before. This birthday was the best birthday I’ve ever had.

After the beach we finished our day off at IHOP or IHOB, what ever it’s called now. They have pretty great burgers and fries honestly. My day was great. I really loved it.

This feeling is bliss has to remain in me for a couple of more days.

There Was Alcohol And Shit Hit The Fam

Last week I went to a birthday party. One of my friends said it was going to be small but it wasn’t. Nothing but small. I saw people from high school, people I didn’t know, and people from my old job. Some people sure I was happy to see and reconnect with but forgets I didn’t even turn on their direction.

That’s not the point though. The point is that’s there was alcohol and shit hit the fan. I was hanging out with a couple of my favorite friends, or the usual group I hang out with. Yes, we were drinking and there were shots and mixed drinks and all that fun stuff to pass the time. For me as long as you having fun and not causing trouble sure drink up.

But then, there always has to be a but then doesn’t there? Well, one of my friends and I went it the bathroom. Lest call her Mona. Mona and I were in the bathroom when we got a text from Jenna (yeah we’ll call my other friend Jenna). She was informing us that our other friends (married couple) were arguing and fighting and that we should come back. So we hurried up and went back and sure enough they were.

The wife was crying while pushing away from her husband and we were just there trying to walk to our seats through the thick awkwardness. We had never seen them like that. They had always been that couple that wouldn’t stop showing how in love they were. And now? They were that couple that gets drunk and fights at parties.

We decided it was time to leave. So we left and we left hungry. We pulled up to a McDonald’s and ordered food. I was with the husband and the girls had gone in another car. When the husband went to the other car he left behind a bottle of vodka he had stolen from the party. Not only that, he started to piss behind my other friends car. His wife surely felt really embarrassed.

We got our food and sat outside our cares in the parking lot once again. This time he started through it all his trash on the floor and around the parking lot. I had to clean it all up just so they wouldn’t call the cops on us. He thought it was the most hilarious thing on the planet. That’s when I called it a night.

Anyways now knowing this mini back story, let me inform you that I’ll be going tot the beach for my birthday this Friday. The same friends were going. I told them I don’t want alcohol at the beach because things might get out of hand. They were all fine with it. Then he said he’d take his stash. No I don’t want weed there either. So then he was kind of upset but he still said that it was ok.

The next day he texted everyone in the group text that he wanted mimosas. I clearly told him no alcohol. Why was he asking again? Was this a joke to him? I had a gut feeling that if I didn’t tell him something he would smuggle in some drinks and pull them out later and there would be nothing I could do at that point.

So I texted him that if he couldn’t handle not having alcohol at the beach then maybe he shouldn’t go. Superarlo he took that in the worst way possible and left our group chat and also removed me from all social media.

So when something doesn’t go your way you just block them out of your life? That’s real mature dude.

That’s enough drama for now. But there will be more.

Pity Party 

             My birthday is just a couple of weeks away and I could not be any less excited. Don’t get me wrong, another year has gone by and I’m still here, yay for me. Well, my birthday lands two days after my moms surgery, or my moms surgery lands two days before my birthday. Don’t really know how I would frase that. 

             Either way that whole sentence in its fullness sound ridiculous. Yes, I could say that if everything goes well with the surgery, I could celebrate while on my birthday. But I’ll be taking care of my mom then, so no time to drop it as if it was hot. Plus I don’t like to party. Dance? Only in private or in the shower. Sing? In the car, or in the shower. Drink? Only mixed and sweat please. . .and in the shower.  

             I know as the days go by my mood is changing for the better. I’m just waiting for this roller coaster to go up, way up, then come crashing down again. But, we’ll see. Time will tell. 

             One of my long time acquaintances said we should get together since we have the same birth month. I agreed seeing as I haven’t seen her for about seven months and I need some socialization before I retreat back into my shell. She’s really nice and even though I’ve been pushing everyone away she’s always been bugging and bugging me to talk to her. I appreciate that very much. So maybe I’ll see her Thursday. If one of us doesn’t flake. 

             My other friends. Eli and Jenny said we should do something for my birthday. I haven’t seen Jenny in six months now, doesn’t even know what the fuck is going on in my life. Eli, I saw her maybe a month ago, and told her what’s going on. I had expected her to understand. But she seems to have forgotten because she never really asks me how my mom has been doing. I told them that I didn’t want to waste their time. Of course, like any friend, they mechanically said that wasn’t the case. Eventually I stopped responding to the group text. 

Maybe I’ll though my own party, I’ll cry and laugh about my problems.

             Though, I don’t need a fucken cake or balloons. I don’t need presants or gifts. I need support. I need comfort. I need reassurance. I understand they want to have fun but, yo, I got problems, and finding how to celebrate my birthday isn’t one. I was going to tell them, but then they would have thought that I wasn’t that appreciative of them, since they were so “thoughtful”, but I didn’t. They probably think that anyway. One day they will know the difference. I miss them. I miss the old me too. Life goes on. 

             Talked to my brother about him being more responsible. He said he would try. We’re all in this together. Told him I didn’t want to end up like one of those distant families that are all torn apart. 

             One of my friends (or the one friend I have) from church says he wants to go to the surgery for support. That’s what I’m talking about! But yet I feel like he still hides stuff from me. I mean we’re not dating but still friends tell each other everything right? Maybe I can’t be pleased? Who knows. 

             Tomorrow I’m going out of town for work related training. It’s about three towns over. Sounds like I live in deserted place, but I swear it’s SoCal. 

Anyway that’s enough of me mumbling about what’s going on. I’ll mumble some more later.