One Month

I am super cheesy, so beware, if you are lactose intolerant, you might want to turn away.

Today marks exactly one month that my boyfriend and I have been officially Boyfriends. We have been dating for about two months and have known each other for 3 months, if you want to get technical.

So what did I do? Well despite people or society saying its too soon to be celebrating time together or in the risk of being too sappy, I got him some gifts. I don’t care if it is too soon or not, this is what I feel and I want to show it while I feel it, not when everyone thinks its a good time in MY relationship to do so.

I went to my local flower shop to buy some roses. I went to the dollar store to get some heart shaped balloons, the first dollar store I went to didn’t have any heart shaped balloons, which are the ones I wanted. I headed to a different one and they told me that they were almost out of helium, but by a stroke of luck, they had enough to give me just the amount of balloons I needed. Then I went to the store to buy some heart shaped and cheesy stickers along with some of his favorite candy.

When I came home I placed as much stickers as I could on the wrapping that surrounded the roses. (It was mainly hearts). Then I put a bow on the candy, also more stickers, and then I decorated the letter that I wrote him inside of a sweet little greeting card. (Picture below).

Today I surprised him before he left for work. I was so nervous for some reason. Shakey with hands sweaty. Who was I? I hadn’t seen that me before. I was so happy to see him, to see the look on his face, it was truly priceless. He loved everything.

I know that our relationship is new and in some way it is super fragile, but this beginning stage is so nice. Don’t get me wrong there are times we have our serious talks, its not all roses and candy. We know what we want, we understand each other, and we are very communicative.

I can see a future with him. I can see us growing together. This can’t be wrong, this feeling I have, this fantasy that I have created in my head. I like him so much, I know he likes me too. This can be so great.

I hope that our one month anniversary soon turns into years.

 

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I’m Dating A Rock

Will someone tell me if love is supposed to be this hard? Is it supposed to be this complicated?

I can not get a break. I mean, I’ve tried love so many ways and so many times with so many people and it seems like it just isn’t going for me. Maybe, just maybe, I over think too much. Or maybe it might just be who I am as a person. I’m going to be stuck being one of those people that will for ever be alone. And when people look to me they’ll say, “why are you alone? You are such a great person, anyone would have been lucky to have yuh.”

That’s the thing, I don’t know why I would end up alone, or even answer that question, but it seems that after every relationship I am. Do I ask for too much? Am I needy? Clingy? I’m sure there has to be a person out there like me, someone who feels the same way as me.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a while now and I’m having trouble, hmm let’s say, trying to figure out if she has a heart.

I know it’s doesn’t sound nice of me. I know it’s probably cruel to say it, but I’m dating a freaking rock. If I tell her I like her, she says thanks. If I tell her she’s beautiful, she denies it. If I compliment her in any way she won’t take it. Those aren’t things you say or do when your dating.

I still feel like I’m just one of her friends and not her boyfriend. She never says anything cheesy or romantic. That’s what I crave, that’s what I need! I want to be smothered in love. I want to feel warm inside all the time. I want to think of her and feel happy, not sad because she’s hiding her feelings from me.

She told me she doesn’t know how to express her feelings. I don’t know what to do with this information. Am I supposed to show her? Isn’t it just something you do? A simple, “hey I don’t know how to say this but I feel good being around you ” would be nice. Or even a miss you here and there wouldn’t feel to bad either. I just want expressions that make me know that you like me being around you. Just something, anything!

If I can’t get any human emotion out of her then I think it will be best to just leave things as they are now.

She Deserves The World 

             The day has finally arrived. Tomorrow is my mothers surgery. How does she feel? How do I feel? It’s pretty much a conjunction of feelings all wrapped up into a ball, something along the lines of a rubber band ball. Remember those? 

             My mom is scared of going down. She’s afraid the doctors will put her under for too long and she might not come back. I try comforting her by telling her that the doctors know what they’re doing, but I’m not going to lie,  I’m hell of nervous as well. 

             We are getting a lot of support though. It’s nice to see what people who actually care about you will do for you. Our neighbors and our landlords are being very supportive. Some of my moms friends will also go with us tomorrow. Gabriel will be there. He insisted he wanted to go. I told him it was fine. 

I have been group chatting with Eli and Jenny on Snapchat. They have been sharing funny pics here na dthere in the efforts to make me happy or cheer me up. At least that’s what I feel, or take away from it. It’s nice if them. But they haven’t asked me about my mom which kind of bothers me. I gave them the date, they should at least say something supportive, even if it’s cheesy I’ll talked it at this point. But maybe they will tomorrow, who knows? 

             Right now I feel on both sides. I feel like everything will go fine. Then again, I feel that something will go wrong. Stupid doubt. I don’t really know how I’ll feel tomorrow. Nervous out of my mind, but I’m trying to keep the up most positive attitude. It’s draining to say the least. 

             It sucks that this is happing. I know, we might not deserve the world, but we most certainly do not deserve this. Especially my mother. She does actually deserve the world. Everyone we have told said that if they can’t go that they will keep us in their prayers. I appreciate that. I too will pray my heart out.