How Long Will This Last?

Yesterday I thought I would leave this world and this time I’m not joking.

I had a fever of 103(c) degrees, I had lower back pain, and by then end of the day my fingers started feeling numb and I could’t feel what I was touching.

It was unbearable! We almost ended up going to the ER but he stopped by the store on his way to work and got me some pills that worked marvelously. They did take a while to hit but my body soon went to normal again. Today I woke up without a fever and feeling like myself again. What happened? I don’t know but I feel like it was voodoo.

Anyways, yesterday during my almost death bed, I got a call from and Elder from my ex-church. I didn’t answer because the call came in as unknown. When I heard the voicmail I know who it was before they introduced themselves. They told me to call back because they wanted to talk. Of course I wont be calling back.

I know why they are calling now. They want to tell me that I will no longer be a Jehovah Witness. Or, they will ask if I want to repent and say that everything that I have done is a mistake, I regret it, and I will go back and work hard to be the model good christian that they want me to be. But, that’s not going to happen either.

What’s funny is that another person from that church contacted me as well today through text. He used to be a close friend. I didn’t text him back either. What I find funny is that the person who called me yesterday probably told the person who texted me today that I didn’t call back. They’re all connected.

It’s annoying that they are just trying to contact me. I have already started a new life somewhere else, with new people, and I don’t want to hear from them. On the other side it makes me kind of sad because a whole bunch of old feelings and memories come back in a blink of an eye.

Will there be more of them trying to get a hold of me? How long will this last?

Birthday Blues

Yesterday was my 26th Birthday. Naturally I woke up crying, as the emotionally out of control person that I am, and honestly it felt good.

I didn’t think the day would be any good if I am honest. And even though nothing really surprising happened it went well for a COVID Birthday. Is that a thing? I guess it will be this year.

I arrived at work very melodramatic, it didn’t help that the sky was an awful gray. Usually I like days like that but not when I’m feeling sentimental. My boss had decorated my office space by making a mess with blue party strings all over the place. I have to admit this won my heart over in one second. I really was not expecting anything what so ever from them. I mean they like me but I didn’t think they would go out of their way to do that, which was nice. They got me cake and also bought me lunch for the day, oh and a gift card as well.

Since I didn’t actually do anything on the actual day (party wise) I decided to reminisce and look back at past years and what I have done. Technically out of the 26 years I have been alive I have only celebrated 2 years, not counting yesterday. It’s kind of sad but on the other hand, I have a lot of celebration to make up for.

My friends were more than sweet wishing me great things that I wish would happen not only to me but to the rest of the world. My boyfriend got me some roses and a corgi stuffed animal since he knows I am obsessed with them, along with a lot of chocolates.

It was a cute day, and it did make me feel a little better. Actually it made me feel great, I wonder if that’s good or if I need to work on my ego. I wouldn’t say ego though, It’s more of the attention of love and acceptance. I don’t know that’s for another post.

Anyways I had a good time doing nothing and just being alive and looking back at good memories. It sucks that my friends and I couldn’t all get together and do something but there is always next year.

Now, I can’t wait until this weekend when I go to the beach. It may not be the same as past years, but I’ll be there with my boyfriend and I know it will be fun.

All the Crazy

You’re probably tired of hearing about the Corona Virus, I know me too. But I don’t take it very lightly. I understand that the internet has made it into a huge joke when there are thousands of people dying but again, in their defense, they don’t want to go insane with all the crazy that has been going on the past couple of months.

Anyways, do to all this mess my school has been canceled and with it so has my internship. I really don’t know what they will do with out me ( ha ha ). But I hope they stay safe and follow all the CDC guidelines. At first it was canceled until the end of march, but they then extended it to the end of April.

I don’t know how everything is going to work out now that I wont be interning for at least two months, or who knows it may be more? Will I even graduate? These times are crazy to be honest. But, on the bright side, I don’t have to drive 40 mins two times a week and waste gas that I don’t even have.

So now I have been at home just chilling playing the Switch an extremely unusual amount for a person in their mid twenties (I mean depends who you ask). Being at home I also have my mother in my ear telling me that these are the signs that the Bible has warns us about and the end is near and is inevitable. She keeps watching her religious videos about the end of times and she keeps the volume on high so I can hear, and to be honest, I do hear. It brings back unwanted flash backs of speeches and articles I used to read when I was in the religion myself. I told her that I didn’t believe in all that any more which I think may have hurt her feelings, but its the truth.

But is that even true? Part of me still wonders, what if they were always right? I mean can you blame me? Look around you and tell me you don’t see it? Because if you don’t then I want to be what ever you are on. Nevertheless, if they are right then in the end I still want to live the life that I am currently living, so, I guess I will burn in hell or where ever they want me to, no?

This is going to sound weird to say but, I went to an interview just yesterday. I know, in the mists of a total lock down who knew I would be able to get an interview? I was surprised too. When they started closing everything down I stopped applying at places. But somehow these people are still hiring. I think it went really well. The person who interviewed me seemed to like me, plus I knew the system they used in their warehouse. I haven’t heard anything back from them yet but I am hoping it works out. I need a job, but I’m pretty sure a thousand others do too.

In the mean time I suppose I’ll go back to playing on the Switch or watching Netflix, but is there anything worth watching anymore? I could get started on all the school work I now have to do thanks to the shutdown, but is that really the thing I need right now? No I don’t think so.