Not Human

I am very well at expressing my emotions. If I am happy you will definitely know that I am. If I am sad, with no doubt that will show on my face and the way I carry myself. Even possibly it will show in the way I walk.

Now, my question is, how do some people walk around this world faking all of their expressions and emotions? Hiding their emotions like its a dirty stain on their shirt that they don’t want anyone to see. Sweeping it under the wrong where no one can see them but everyone can step on them?

But then, late at night. That’s when they let it out. When they are alone. When the pressure is to much and their shoulders are tired of caring a facade all day. Is that healthy? Is that ok? I mean yes, my emotional state of mine brings me problems once in a while but I’d rather let it all out then hold it all in, if that makes any sense.

One of my friends texted in in the middle of the night with some words of concern, or at least I thought. But then soon in the day when I asked him about it, he told me “never mind”. Oh, ok, sure. I’m sorry I bothered you with my friendship. It must have been a typo what you wrote, did you forget to put your filter on at night? That something actually real came out of your mouth?

Are some people like that? Do they not like to talk to the people they most trust? Honestly yes, I do feel that way some times. But not to the fullest extent. I don’t want to reveal what I feel. But then there are times when you wont be able to shut me up. I’m an emotional wreck, but it’s ok we’ve learned to love that about me right? (LOL).

I’ve noticed though that there are some people I know that I wonder if they are even humans. They show no sign of emotion, sympathy, or anything close to acting like a regular person would. They walk around acting like the rest of us, they live their lives just as a regular person would, and they even have “connections” with people in their inner circles. If you didn’t take time to pay attention they might even seem like regular people. But they’re not. They can’t be.

The one thing that’s missing is, emotion. There is none. They act like they are supposed to if I tell them something sad. They try their best to show compassion, but lets be real, I know its all fake. I know they hide something behind that cheesey smile.

Or maybe its just me? Most likely.


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Trust 2.0

In the years I have being an adult I have found that you can’t trust anyone. You can’t trust your companions, your friends, and sometimes you can’t even trust yourself.

Why is that? Why do some of us trust so easily? Oh thank you for opening the door for me, now let me tell you about my first heart break.

I don’t tend to just throw around my trust. But when I do get to meet someone that seems to understand me and see who I am, then I feel like I can trust them with secrets. I go all in. I don’t hold back. If I see in you that I can trust you, then you better be prepared.

But then again, if you break that trust. It’s down hill. I will not be able to trust as easily as I had before. What changed? Why would you betray me? How could you hurt us like that.

Trust is a huge thing. Some people have it some people don’t. Some people care for it, others just smile and nod them go off and stab you in the back.

The question is, which one are you?