Freedom

Freedom can only be described by the people who have felt it. It comes in many ways. You can be freed from a person, people, or even a thing. Some people are so privileged to never have the need to want freedom. They just have it.

I knew freedom once I left my ex religion.

My girlfriend is going to know freedom once she moves out of her family’s house.

Even though her father was just recently baptized as a Jehovah witness, he doesn’t bring much charm in representing the religion.

He’s very manly. He’s one of the most macho of men you will find. I mean the dude has a mustache, need I say more? He has a strict rule that she can’t be out after 8pm. “His house his rules” type of shit. Which I respect, sure it’s your house, don’t agree with your rules, but there’s not much I can do if it’s your house. He also found out that we’re back together. If he didn’t like me before when I was in the religion, he for sure doesn’t like me now that I’ve left.

When she told her father that she was moving out and she found a nice studio apartment she could afford, he flipped his lid, he had a cow, he was mad.

He said, “you just want to move out so you can be with him!”

Um, no duh you dumb rat. Obviously if she lives there and she can’t do the things she wants to she’s going to leave. Why don’t parents understand this? Yes love your kids, yes by all means protect them. But once they are of age, once they are allowed to make their own decisions, and as long as it’s nothing against the law or damaging anyone, why not let them do what they desire to do? It’s their life.

To add on, or make this story more juicy than it already is, he told her that even though she’s going to have her own place, she was still not going to be allowed to see me.

That’s odd. He thinks he has control over her even when she isn’t living there with him? What type of logic is behind this? Somebody explain.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about this and she said that he probably meant that because she’s still in the religion and I am not, that there was no way our relationship would work. Many people would be against it. I know, we’ve talked about it. We have a mutual respect her and I. Don’t ask me to go and I won’t ask you to leave. It’s been working great for the past month. I don’t have trouble with it and she doesn’t either. I know problems can arise later on, but there is no perfect relationship. I’m not looking for one either. Plus, I’m always one to resolve issues when others want them resolved.

Her mother called my mom today telling her that her husband is not going to help her daughter financially in any way if she ever asks for it.

It’s nice to see the Christian love of this family isn’t it?

Of course my mom being the badass savage mother that she is (love her) told her that she didn’t have to listen to everything her crazy ass husband said. (Not in those words specifically but you know). She told my mother that either way she was going to help her daughter with anything she could regardless of what her husband said. My mom agreed and said she would to. Her being my girlfriend of course I am as well.

I’m excited for her to move. I’m excited to spend more time with her. I’m excited for us to be able to go out, with out her always having to check her phone getting anxious about getting home in time. I’m excited to be around her more often. I’m excited to go on cute dates with her. I’m excited to make her fall in love with me. I’m excited to fall in love with her.

Maybe This Could Work

It’s been a wild couple of days. From losing my job to getting back together with my ex, all the way to getting called by an old married “friend”, only to have a fling.

I know. Hang in there. There’s more.

I hope now that I have more time on my hands I can manage a way to write more, like I used to. Of course back then I had a lot to write about. Now as days go by, things happen, I sit here and think to myself, should I even write about this? To me some of the things are irrelevant. Or maybe I just don’t want to talk about them. Who knows?

Nonetheless, last Thursday was my last day at work. Everyone who was leaving that day was excited out of their mind. Well, more like just out of their mind, to be more accurate. We all just wanted to leave. Get our money and get out.

Which is what happened. We went in, signed some papers, release forms and some legal documents, and then we hit the door like the building was catching on fire.

Most of the coworkers leaving that day decided to go out to eat. I’m not a big fan of them, or Big social gatherings in general, so I dipped. Instead I went with another close coworker to a Casino. She won a couple 20’s. Then she bought me lunch.

I really need to work on my spending, but I’ll put a pin in that thought for now.

Then came the weekend. The Jehovah witness had their convention. If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a gathering of many many JW congregations in an auditorium where they sit through almost 7 hours of bible topic talks with a lunch break in the middle. I know it sounds insane, but it’s really not that bad.

I had promised my mom and girlfriend I’d go a couple weeks ago. I told them also that just because I was attending did not mean I was reinstating myself back into the religion.

I wanted to see old friends. I wanted to be there for my mom and my girlfriend as well. I did it for them. I’ll admit it. The days went by really fast. I even saw some people that I was friends with since my childhood.

It was mostly about love. Actually, entirely about love. How to show your love for others and ect ect. They’re trying their best to understand why I’m not going. That’s their way of “showing love”. I respect that.

Saturday I went to dinner with my girlfriends family and other family/friends. It was awkward. He just got baptized that day. (Which means, when you have basic knowledge of the Bible principles and rules you can get baptized into the religion if you’re going to now live your life based on said rules and principles). I hadn’t seen him for months ever since I left the religion. He pulled me to the side and asked if I was ok. I told him I was doing great. It was awkward, and really a waste of my time. He said to take care and be strong. Hypocrite. 20 minutes later as I sat next to his daughter, my girlfriend, he texts her to get up and sit somewhere that is not next to me. But she doesn’t. And the night goes on.

I have an issue with this. Sorry to get all religious here but this is where my brain clashes with the religion. They say all choices they make come from god or whatever, and that every action that the Elders of the congregation do is approved by the Holy Spirit. So in other words, (just to get this correct,) the Holy Spirit approved this man to be baptized? God allowed this man to become part of His congregation, His “holy organization”? My understanding is that when you get baptized, you are leaving behind your old ways. You’re not perfect no, but you live your life the best possible way or closest you can according to the Bible principals. But here is this man, who is violent in nature, hits and verbally abuses women, his own family, and has an ego so big, I find it hard to comprehend, gets approved to be a son of God?

I spoke to my mom about this. She didn’t think it was right either. But she said we can’t question gods plan. It’s happening for a reason.

Heres my other dilemma. (Because I have many). Why does it always have to be God’s plan when we can’t understand something ? If it’s going great “praise the lord!! It’s all the lord!!” But when things in this religion aren’t going right, something feels off, “it’s gods plan. We can’t see it now, but he’s doing everything for a reason. Don’t question it!” What type of bullshit is that?

I’ll stop here because I don’t want to get into it that much again.

These past couple of weeks. Maybe about more than a month now. All the time I’ve been spending with my girlfriend. All the texts, the phone conversations, eating out, having her body so close to mine. Sometimes I don’t want to let go. I don’t want her father to ruin it for us. I don’t want the religion to either.

They have this dumb rule. When there is a female and a male present, there should be a third party so there is no sin committed. I hate that rule. I need privacy. I want to spend some time alone with her . Doesn’t mean we’re going to go out and have sex everywhere and anywhere. There’s a little no huge thing called consent that plays a big role in this.

The religion was a huge part of my life. I’m not an activist. I’m not going to go around saying, “don’t do it, don’t be in there.” That’s not my job. If that’s what you want to do that’s cool. Just make sure it’s what you actually want to do. And you’re doing it because you want to, not because you’re being told to.

I told my girlfriend that the other day. She said she had a lot of respect for me. She said she’d also respect my decision in not going back.

Maybe this could work.

Maybe.

My Best Friend Is A Psychopath

Yes, you read that correctly, My best friend is a psychopath.

Don’t worry, I will explain it all, and when I am finished you will have no other option but to agree with me. I was wondering why I have always had issues with him. Yes we get along most of the time, but then there are those moments I really don’t understand why he does things. There are times I wonder what he thinks or feels and I can’t really get a clear imagine. I, 100% don’t know. I don’t know who he is. When you think of your best friend don’t you automatically know what they like and dislike? What they want to do or the places they want to go? I’ve known him for maybe a little over five years and it seems that I still don’t know him at all. I know of him, but I don’t know him

Here are the reasons I think my best friend is a psychopath;

 

  • Pathological Liar

He always says he doesn’t lie. And to a certain extent he is correct. But what I have noticed during all the years that I have known him is that he doesn’t say the truth either. He is very vague. If you want to get an answer out of him you will have to be very specific in the way you ask your question because he will give you the run around and not give you the truth. Just a couple of weeks ago we went out to eat and his mom called him. I noticed that in this phone call his mom asked him where he was at, to that he said “out”. I know it could just be the youth-of-today type of thing. But trust me, this happens a lot and not just with his parents.

 

  • Superficial Charm

He’s that type of person that will make you feel part of a conversation. At church everyone loves him. They think he is great. There is no wrong he can do and everyone loves to be around him. He just has that thing makes you want to be around him. But it’s only on the surface. I have seen a glimpse of what he really is. One time I asked him something about him being so liked or social, and to that he said, “yeah I talk to everyone, but I don’t care about them.”

 

  • Great Sense Of Self Worth

The confidence that radiates off of him is something to see. I have never seen him nervous. I have never seen him shaken or scared of something he had to do. Nope. He is so sure of him self. He knows what he needs to do and does it. Its all planned in his head and he knows he will accomplish it. He is never wrong and always knows the correct answer and will always be the first to correct you if you are wrong because he knows that you are, and he knows that he is right.

 

  • Lack Of Remorse & Shallow Emotions

He has a weird obsession with liking turtles. I asked him about it once. He told me that when he was younger, maybe 7 or 8 years old, he had turtles. One day, he grabbed a bat and crushed them all into little pieces. I don’t know why he told me that, but I brushed it off as a super hyper active young kid. Now that I sit here and think of the way he treats his brothers I get shivers down my spine. I hate going to his house because his siblings are always fighting, but what bothers me is when he gets in on it. When the youngest boy is not doing what he is supposed to, my friend will pull his hair until he does. If my friend is fighting with the other older brother, even if he is losing he will not show symptoms of pain. Boys will be boys? One time they were fighting after I had dropped them off, and he grabbed the chain from the front gate and started choking his brother. Sure I felt a little uncomfortable but if that’s what they do, then it’s none of my business. The brother of his had a bruise for the next couple of days.

I have asked him countless times to be more expressive with me. If you read my blog daily you know there have been posts about him lacking any emotion. I swear I don’t know what he is feeling at all. He just is. All he does is exist, if that makes any sense. Ask me what makes him happy, I dare you. I wouldn’t know what to say. He only does the things I like to do, and when I ask him what he wants to do, he always says, “whatever you want.”

 

  • Parasitic Ways

I just mentioned a little about this at the end of the previous paragraph. There has been no time where anything that we have done together has been his idea. Every time we hang out it’s because of me. Where ever we go, I though about it. He just tags along. Does he like it? Does he enjoy doing the activities that we do? Who knows. He doesn’t say. We never talk about his life. It’s always what I am doing, thinking, or feeling. If I don’t say what I am up to, the conversation is bland. He never talks about his days, what he’s up to or what he has done.

I have also noticed, and this is creepy, but at the same time I want to say that its because we talk a lot, but he uses a lot of phrases I use in my vocabulary. I usually like to switch up what I say. Maybe I hear a nice word or a phrase on a show and will randomly say it, he does the same. He copies me. If I stop saying something he will too. I even tested this out this month. When you are asked something that you don’t know that answer to your response is typically “I don’t know”, correct? Well, that is him as well. Instead of that, I started saying “I’m not sure.” He never said these set of words in his life. Two weeks after I had started saying them he said them when I asked him a question he didn’t know the answer to.

 

  • Manipulative

He gets what he wants. It’s like he knows how your brain already works because he knows what to say to get where he wants to go. He’s very smart. He knows what you want. He knows what you will do to get it, and he knows how he can use that to his advantage.

 

 

This is where I will stop. Trust me, there are way more things I can write about. There are so many other traits that he falls into. But these are the main ones. I don’t really know why I am friends with him. This post has really opened my eyes. I’m not saying that I will cut him out of my life, no. I just have to be more careful. It’s hard to be friends with someone like this. Really hard.

Great Things

My mother is one of the strongest women I know. I don’t say that because she is my mother but because I’ve seen what’s she’s been through and it amazes me how good of a person she still is. Some people would walk around like with a sour taste in their tongues wishing bad about people just like they have received themselves.

I’ve learned a lot from her, sometimes or should I say most of the time, she would tell me things and I would ignore her because I was always the one that was correct right? Wrong. The one thing I wish I had always done was actually pay attention to the instructions she had to say.

It a always been for my own good. She’s not greedy, she’s not mean, and she’s only shown love towards me. But like any other young adult the parents are the ones that are wrong and after us which is not true.

Parents have experience maybe twice as much as you have or even more, maybe it was a different era, different times, and obstacles but the concept was the same. So maybe you should listen to them no?

Of course I know there are some parents that have an exception. But still, finding the wrong in them before you give them a chance just doesn’t make any sense. We all need chances and some of us need more than others but sometimes those chances bring upon great things.

Daisy, Inky, And The Beach

This weekend was worth living. I swear I had a great time every second of it.

One of my dear close friends had sent me a picture of a flyer that there would be a pet adoption on Saturday. I had let it be known that I was really to get a dog. So she sent me the picture of the flyer.

I went with one of my friends brother, my brother, and my mom tagged along as well. Got there really early and it was already packed and open.

I saw many dogs that I wanted. I went with the mentally that I was going home with a dog. But, I also wanted to be sure the one that I would adopt would be happy with me, and I with it.

I saw two that were really hyper and loved them. Playful and full of personality. I talked to the organizer of that particular shelter and asked more about the dog to see if we would be well together. Since he was a little puppy she said it would be more suitable for a more active person who is usually home.

We also saw a full breed beagle puppy that I really wanted. The puppy was taken by a little girl and her family. I had gotten there a little to late.

We made our way to the beginning again and saw some dos that I did see before but this time they caught my eye. They were beagle and dachshund mix. They looked really cute and quiet. They had just been spayed two days prior.

I asked if I could walk inside and pet them. The volunteer said that the black one really didn’t like it when they pet her sister, she was over protective. But she let me inside anyway. I kneeled a good distance away and let one of the sniff my hand. Then I touched her ear and pretty soon she was walking towards me standing on my lap. And her sister? Not even bothered. The volunteer was surprised. It was a match made in heaven.

They came from a family who didn’t want them because they dug holes. They were surrendered to the shelter that same week. After signing some papers they were welcomed into my family. And they loved their new home.

On Sunday, the friend that opened the door for me to adopt wanted to go to he beach. I love the beach. I think I got sun burned though. It was a cloudy morning but once it cleared up it was beautiful.

I wish I could live by the beach once. This same friend who I went to the beach with, I also told her about this blog. So if your reading this text me!

Overall this weekend was a blast. Can’t wait to Ave now adventures with my new dogs, Daisy and Inky, maybe take them to the beach.