Nicole

Six years ago I started working at a fast food restaurant where I met my one of best friends. In a couple of weeks, this friend will be leaving California and moving to another state, I decided to dedicate this post to her,

Nicole this one’s for you.

 

I don’t think I have this type of relationship with any of my other friends as I do with her. We know each other one a personal level. We talk about life, love, and sex (graphically). Very personal things.

But it wasn’t always like this. We have had our rough patches here and there. I think that all the great friends in the past have to go through shit in order for them to have a strong bond. If you really look at it it’s really cool how we’ve been through so much and we have managed to stay friends.

I know I’ve pissed her off, I know she has to me, but I’m an emotional bitch so I’ve been hurt more (but that’s more my fault then hers).

When I met her I thought she was great. I liked her, she seemed nice and outgoing, social, and she seemed to not care what people thought of her. All the qualities I wanted in myself.

Sadly I let rumors get the best of me and I slowly ditched myself from her. There was a point that I even blocked her from all social media and we lost touch. But we ended up getting back to being friends after a while.

She reached out like she always has and there’s nothing I can say to match the appreciation I feel towards that effort. She was there when many people weren’t. She would listen to me and tell me straight how it is, even when I didn’t agree with her or she knew I wouldn’t like what she had to say.

She was the first person I came out to. Granted I came out to her as bi and then for the next years played hide and seek in the closet, she was still there for every moment.

She’s a bad ass. If you want someone to tell you how it is, she will. There is no sugar coating it. A lot of people don’t like that, but I do. It means I can be real with her as well , and though it took me many years, I learned it from her.

Now six years have past, so many things have happened in such a short amount of times in both of our lives. None of them have been just minor situations. She’s almost like the sister I never had but always wanted.

Nicole, I know you’re leaving and it feels like the world is ending for you. It almost feels as if I’m losing a little part of myself. But I hope you can take a little part of me with you and never forget me. I know changes are coming for both of us and we might not be as close in the physical sense as we may want to be, but I won’t let our friendship get disconnected. We have so many ways of staying connected. You are the only person I know who I was brave enough and had so much trust in to let you know about this Blog. I let you into the most vulnerable parts of my brain and heart by doing so, and you have never judged me for it.

I wish you nothing but the best, I wish you all the luck I can possibly wish for you. I know you’re brave and strong and even though new territories are scary and intimidating remember that you are more. I want to visit when I can, I want to stay connected, I want to meet your kids when you have them, I want you in my life for the rest of it.

Nicole, in you, I have found a friend for life.

Good luck,

Love,

Pedro ❤️

Looking Back At A Decade Of ‘Me’

This may just be the last post of this year, and this decade. I hope everyone had a good Christmas with their loved ones and will have a great New Years.

Looking back at this decade and seeing where I began to where I am now, its just insane. To me 2010 was just a couple of years ago. I was only 15 and I was getting baptized in a cult-religion I just left this year. From then on it would be a roller coaster of things to come, some good, and some very oh so bad. But I made it.

2011 came by fast and it was actually a good year for me. Even though I was struggling with my sexuality I still found happy moments during all the chaos. I also dated a girl for the first time ever. Who I really did love very much but ended up breaking up with later in 2012.

In 2013 I graduated high school and I had no plans of going to college. I was not in very good circumstances to have such a privilege. I stayed home taking care of my brother and 4 cousins while my mother worked. It wasn’t the best way to make money but it helped my moms family and ours at the same time.

Then in 2014 I started working at a fast food place that everyone knows the jingle to. Although its not the most, or at all, the desired job to have, I still loved working there and because I did I got to meet the most amazing people that even today I still call friends.

2015 and 2016 are both a big blur. I can’t honestly say why though, there inst much that happened those years. I did buy a car which is really big but that’s about it. I think it is because I was trying to live a happy life with my friends and also trying to please everyone from church at the same time, I probably lost myself for a bit those two years.

In 2017 my mother told us she had cancer and her long process began for survival, which she is still dealing with now. It was a real hard year. I lost touch with many of my friends because I was trying to follow the “Holy Way”.

2018 was also a good and bad year. I think it was more of a good year for me. Other than my mothers second surgery nothing bad really happened. I really got out of my shell that year and started going to clubs, I started drinking as if I needed it to survive, and I met a lot of new people. But during all this I was still the little good church boy and it got exhausting. It was hard partying all night Saturday and coming home at 4 in the morning and then getting up at 8 for Sunday Service.

I had to choose which path to take and I chose the wrong one at the beginning of 2019. I was full on going to be the very depiction of what a good Christian should be, hell, I was even dating a girl who was the very depiction of what a Great Christian Woman should be. But I wasn’t Happy. So I had to leave what I thought was “The Truth”. I later found where I was actually supposed to be and I met a wonderful guy who makes me really happy.

With that guy I am entering 2020, a new decade, a fresh brand new start.

What will this year (and decade) bring?

2020 here we all come!

Happy New!

10 Pounds L[f]at[t]er

It’s crazy how you can gain weight so fast. Like what’s up with that? Who made this dumb rule, I don’t like it and it needs to be changed as soon as possible.

I worked so hard to get to the weight I wanted to be at, which is really generous for myself, to come back to being the same as when I started.

In just two weeks I manage to gain 10 pounds. Last week was thanksgiving. You mean to tell me that I should refrain from eating all that delicious food? Nope, not I. I probably ate more than I should have, yes, I won’t lie there.

Plus the rest of the days my boyfriend and I ate out aggressively. Snacks at home like we’re 12 also.

This week was no different. I was a little bit under the weather so I didn’t go to the gym. To add on to the it rained so I stayed in bed watching Disney +.

And if you’re in bed, sick, watching Disney movies, of course you’re going to need snacks and hot chocolate.

Now I’m back at the gym, and I made the mistake of getting in the scale and seeing that I’m back to where I started a month ago, if not worse.

I need to stop compulsive eating. I think that’s my issue. But food is just too good to quit.

How do people become health nuts? Or vegans? What demonic presence do they sell their soul to in order to be that thin? Because I swear there can’t be any other way. This whole losing weight is demonic, I swear.

Hello My Name Is…

Hello, my name is Pedro.

Most of my friends call me Peter. In English that’s what my name translates to. When ever I meet someone new they instantly say, “hey! Vote for Pedro right?.” As if I was the one in the movie. (Napoleon Dynamite). That soon gets annoying. I’ve been nicknamed other things as well, like Peter Parker and Peter Pan. Peter Pan is the one that’s stuck around. I don’t mind it. I like Peter more than Pedro, don’t ask why.

I grew up in a small town just like everyone else basically. It was in between two big very known towns but it was quite a drive. I loved that town. It was perfect. At least that’s what was left in my brain from what I remember. Sadly though, I moved away when I was ten. My father got a job offer in the city I live in now. So we all had to move.

I grew up being a Jehovah Witness. That’s all I knew. That’s what my mom taught me. My father never had any interest in it so he never went to the gatherings. I had friends I had left behind and I didn’t make any when I moved here. I was rather a loner for the longest time.

We settled in with family until we finally found a home for us. School was extremely hard. I couldn’t make friends easily. I would mind my own business and try speak to anyone. Thank fully there was this one kid who took me under his wing. He was cool. We eventually started hanging out more and more until we became friends.

That only lasted two years. Back in the late 2000’s when the economy was terrible my father lost his job and we were short on money. That lasted a while until my father was deported back to his country of birth. He was a hard working man that really cared for his family and tried his best to support us economically, but unfortunately life isn’t always how we want it.

When all that happened, we moved back in with one of my aunts. My mother started working and I left public school and became homeschool to take care of my younger brother and my cousins. Then we moved from place to place until we finally found a nice little shack we call home since then.

I started working when I was 19 years old. It was at a fast food place everyone knows. I had a great time there meeting new people and making long lasting relationships with the people that worked there. I honestly did learn a lot working there. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.

While working there I became way more social then I had once been. Parties, eating out, going out, and just about everything in between. It was a time I thought I knew who I was, but I didn’t.

I bought my car just months before I quit there. Found a new job in less then a month, thank god. Then I dedicated my time and everything else to my religion. I shunned the friends I made that did not believe what I did. Months later I welcomed them back in my life and turned my back on religion.

After that it’s been a love and hate relationship between me and God. It wasn’t until the end of last year which really made me reconsider what I wanted in life. To live a double life? Or finally stay loyal to one side. I chose religion. Do I regret it? No.

But I got ahead of myself. In the beginning of 2017 my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. The years that followed were hectic. Complicated to say the least. But we got through it. Mastectomy, tissue transfer, and ultrasounds, but we made it.

Of course, there are so much more things that happened during those times. But those are other stories for other times.

Just wanted to let everyone know a little more about who I am.

What I Have Become

I have been letting myself go recently. The past few weeks have been really hectic. I have been up and down and getting ready for my mother’s surgery and then bringing her home after having her at the hospital for a week of recovery.

Having little time and also being tired from going here and there really doesn’t give you the energy to make a healthy homemade meal. So, I’ve been eating out, and when I say eat out I mean eating out. Plus, it does not help when people want to help you out by also feeding you with fast food.

While I was at the hospital for a week with my mom, friends would bring me lunch and it was always something from a fast food place. I didn’t mind at first but now I’m feeling it. My hands, legs, and feet all feel the same to me. But my stomach and man boobs are screaming at me to stop.

Once I was sucked into the world of fast food I couldn’t stop. I didn’t stop. As a matter a fact, just today, I went to the store. While there, I bought three cans in Pringle’s. Why? I didn’t even have a craving for them I just got them because I felt the need to. I bought M&M’s. I had Starbucks. And to top it all off I went to McDonald’s and bought a McChicken sandwich.

I ate all of it myself. I sit here and realizing what I have become. Even now, I just finished two hotdogs. I wasn’t hungry. I was extremely still full. Why did I eat? All of the things I consume is out of satisfaction. Not because I need to eat it and not because I want to, it’s just to satisfy something that I am missing. What am I missing?

I’m not sure.

But what I am sure of is I need to get back to my routine. I need to get back to exercising. I need to get back to eating healthier. I need to find a better way to control my anxiety instead of just eating it.

Saturday

This past Saturday was nostalgic. No, I didn’t do anything exciting, and no I didn’t go anywhere luxurious. But I had a good time, alone.

I was planning on sleeping early. And waking up and going to the gym early in the morning. But I started listening to The Chainsmokers. They’re Music is really great. I like their style and specially they’re new music. My favorite song from them is Don’t let me down and Closer comes in a close second.

When I started listening to them I lost my sleep. YouTube was there to keep me company. Once it came time to actually sleep I heard the neighbors music, they had a party going on that I didn’t notice since I had been wearing earphones the whole night.

When midnight struck I felt hungry so I wen to Jack in the box. Got a burrito which I really enjoyed. Stayed in the parking lot for a while before heading back home.

Music on blast I was happy. I was having a good time and I felt content. It was almost magical. Threw some in some Cardi B in there to finish the night as I went to sleep around 4AM.

Not a bar hopping, money spending night, but music and fast food are the way to my soul.

Awards, Drama, And Friendship

Today was a weird day. Woke up at 2:30 in the morning for a run like I have been doing. Since I go in at four AM I have to wake up early to run (because #fitfam LoL ew). Soon that will stop though, once i start going in at six again. Anyway, work was super easy. It was Friday and I just wanted to be done. But then they told us we had to work tomorrow, which should have bothered me seeing as it's the weekend and I have a life and by life I mean pending shows to watch on Netflix but it actually didn't. 

There was a town hall meeting and they told us that the contract was renewed. So us (the distributors) will still be working for the client of the product we are distributing. Not sure if that makes sense, well in short, I have a job for at least another year. But I hope I'm working somewhere new maybe writing.

At that "meeting" I received two awards. One for attendance and another is for Outstanding Inventory Partner. It felt good to be recognized. Sometimes you do your work and feel so disconnected and forget there are actually people observing how hard you work. Hard work pays off.

No raise though which sucks. 

After work I had an interview at a fast food restaurant but like the true me that I am, I didn't go. Anxiety got the best of me once again. It's cool though instead of putting myself down I just have to work on it. Practice. I know one day I will be outgoing and have a lot to say but until then I can be me in my little shell all I want. 

Oh, I almost forgot, so speaking of work. Our inventory manager quit right out of the blue and good thing she did I hated hat bitch. Apparently she texted my lead yesterday saying she wasn't going to come in today because the "new employer" wanted her to start working today. So she left my lead in charge. That's crazy though who quits like that? Like, on hey, just letting you know I'm not going to go to work today, I have a new job. I just find that so hysterical. So now we don't have a supervisor or a manager. I really want my lead to take her spot. That way I can move up to lead. Then I'll get a pay raise. Hallelujah.

Any takers?

Also, one of my friends is heading to Mexico for the weekend. And get this, since we have a streak on Snapchat (it's like a fire flame thing that counts how many continuous days you snap chat a person) he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave me his login. So I can snap chat myself as him and not lose the streak! To you it may sound like cheating but to me that's friendship. That like made our friendship points go through the roof. True friend. Don't know many people that would do that honestly. I just think it's super cool. Like, would your friend just lend you their logins to their social media accounts?

Now to bed because I have to work mañana. 

Life Is Hectic

I have been in a good mood lately. And if you know me you might even say great mood. Things have been all over the place but they haven't been that terrible. I have to start looking at the bigger picture you know. I'm always seeing the down side in things and that just brings me down. I should really start focusing on the positive and give thanks for what I have and what I have accomplished. Possibly even brag a little of what I have done, I mean I deserve to right?

Now, onto my moms results, I got a call from the doctor and she informed me that the test was never made and she ordered it as an emergency. Which usually takes about ten or so days. Hopefully sooner and we can get this ball rolling. But I'm thankful the problem is being resolved. It's progress.

Three months ago I had 300 dollars stolen from my credit card and it's been a hassle trying to fix the issue with the bank of the credit card. And after moths of faxing paperwork and trying to get my money back today was the day of success. They fixed the issue and I should get those 300 bucks back by next Wednesday. Maybe that's why I'm in a good mood?

Today I went to my sixth treatment for my tattoo removal. It hurt like a bitch! I mean it always does but I forget. They had a knew laser. Something about heat. The one I was using before was also a laser but it was different. My tattoo is being stubborn. It doesn't even seem to be fading. Props to the tattoo artist. Respect. So children if you get tattoos remember it's going to be a pain in the ass removing them once you regret it.


I know it looks terrible but that's how it's supposed to look like, all swelled up and nasty.

In other news, yesterday I went to apply to a customer service operator job. One of my coworkers used to work there and she said she could refer me to the manager. That was cool of her. Although they aren't hiring at the moment they said they would call me first as to when they would start.

But get this, I got called from Bakers (fast food chain) for an interview. Torn, because I don't know if I should go or not. I don't know until when I'll be called for the answering service job. What if it's months? Weeks? I need a job now. I'm going to go and see how it goes.

I also told my brother to start studying for the DMV written test, mainly so he could drive to school but also so he can get motivated to get a job and help around the house. It seemed to work as he's studying right now and I didn't have to force him. School starts for him two weeks from today so I know he's not going to have a license by then but hopefully soon.

That's all that went down this week. Life is hectic, why should I stay in a rut? I'm going to start seeing the best of things, just watch.

Target, If You’re Reading This Please HIRE ME

I was thinking about considering getting a second job. Well, better said, I have already been considering getting another job. Well, better better said, I already applied to various jobs. Yesterday I went home and applied to a few just like I had on Monday.

I don't have a preference, I just want to work. I would like a part time because I already work 40 hours a week therefore if I would get another job then it would have to be maybe around 20 hours or so. Sounds like I'm being interview right now.

Anyway, the reason being I got bills and they ain't getting paid. Since my mom can't work and my brother is so unmotivated to help, I, like most of the time, have to do it all. Plus I want to save money just for emergencies, because you never know.

So I applied to Target, Walgreens, some fast food restaurants, and Dollar tree. If I had to choose which one I really wanted I would choose Target. I love Target. If I need anything or everything that's where I go. Don't really know why. Maybe it's the people? The environment? How clean and nice everything looks? That it has a Starbucks? I think it might be the last one.

So Target, if you're reading this, HIRE ME. Please. But it's cool if you don't. I will be heart broken but still shop at your stores. But I will keep applying with persistence don't think I won't!

Since my mom can't drive her car, she lent it to a friend so it wouldn't just be sitting there. And since she's driving it, the friend, did the oil change with a well known friend of ours. He also told her to change the motor air filter which she did and that the car needed new spark plugs. She told me and I said ok let's buy them. Even though she's driving the car I didn't make her pay them all herself. I know she's going through a hard time too right now so why make it harder?

The smog is do before October so hopefully we get it all done by then. My mom wants her to pay for it since she's driving it but it's still our car. Do you see how nice I am? The car is in great condition so it will most likely pass.

Tomorrow I take my mom see the oncologist finically. He'll tell us everything about the cancer and tell us how much chemo my mom will need. I'm hopping for good news.

Other than that nothing else has happened. My life is kind of boring except when bad things happen. If my life was a movie it would win an Oscar for best Drama.

Stressed Out

          Today was truely a hectic day. I wasn’t expecting everything to go the way that it did. In the morning things were looking up. I settled into my bosses chair and took to do the work she usually does. It was nice being in control. People started saying how I was going to take her spot. Which maybe one day I will. 

          Later in the day I saw for my own eyes why she was always stressed. She has to put up with other departments bugging her for inventory issues. I swear, I couldn’t get started on my own work without being interrupted by other people with negative locations. At first I felt good that I was needed. But then I saw that it was a little overwhelming. I don’t know how she does it. Our inventory manager said I did a good job today which made me feel a little better. Then again I don’t know if she was serious or just being nice. 

          Monday she won’t be around so that will be another day to show people my skills. And hopefully she’s back on Tuesday. Even though I do like the job, I’m still not getting paid what she is so why should I do it? This chance did provide me with a fifteen minute spotlight so management can see that I am useful. 

           My work permit has yet to come. It’s really frustrating. It’s stressing me out so much. My back has been aching for more than three weeks now an I think it’s because I’ve been really stressing out. I called to check on my status and they told me it’s still in process. Which technically isn’t bad but I would like it to get here before June and before I get fired and my currant permit expires. 

           One thing that did surprise me was that an old friend texted me and told me to right her a recommendation letter. I was a manager at a fast food place when I met her. It’s strange how that’s what made her text me. She only needed me to her convienoence. It kind of hurt my feelings but I’ll do the letter anyway. My big heart won’t let me be mean to her. I have to learn to forget and forgive. So much is going on right now that just adding enemies to the list of things isn’t going to help anyone out. 

          Tomorrow should be a better day. I’m going to start it off with a hike, then I’m going to get an oil change followed by a hair cut. In the afternoon I’m going to see Gardiams of The Galaxy 2. I loved the first one, and even though I’m not as a big fan as my brother is of Marvel, I still loved it. So tomorrow shall be a better day and today shall end soon. But what does the rest of my future have in store for me?