My Weight Loss Summer Journey

Three months ago I wrote a post about how unhealthy and fat I was feeling. Here I am now in the present, today. Living a healthy life. Well, trying to, if I’m being honest.

I have lost about 25 pounds (if not more, not to flex or anything LOL). In the pictures maybe you can notice but I did lose a lot. I am proud of myself. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of self control.

At first it was extremely hard. I remember I was eating out for lunch almost every single day. When I say eating I mean EATING. Every day it I felt like I could eat more and more. There was actually times when I would eat and still feel as if I had more room in my stomach. I would also go for the biggest things.  I thought, the bigger the deal, the more I’m getting for my money. But in reality, my health was going down hill and the only thing that was getting bigger was my waist.

SO, going from burgers every single day to a salad was not easy. But I slowly transitioned. Soon I was eating a salad every day for lunch. I switched my coffee in the mornings to tea (even though I went back to coffee later on, but shhhh we don’t talk about that). I tried to cut out carbs from my diet as much as I could, but not completely, I mean c’mon I’m not a sociopath.

Then I started going for a walk at my local park. ALONE. Yes, people need motivation and support, but there’s something about just walking alone, in your thoughts, with your music hitting your eardrums like a hammer on a nail.

My walk progressed to a slow jog and now I can run for a good while. At the beginning it was very difficult to see results. But looking back now, I see how I (slowly) progressed. I just had to keep at it.

I am very proud of my weight loss. I think that I am in the best shape of my life. I know I am not in the best shape in general, but still I feel great. I do have some concerns though. Well, mostly just one.

Gaining all my weight back. How would I? Two reasons. I have really bad shin splints, and I’m taking Lexapro.

If you don’t know what shin splints are then your are one lucky son of a duck. They suck and they are hard to get rid of. Basically its a sharp pain that affects the shin area of your leg. It can occur for many reasons. Flat feet, uneven surfaces that you may walk on, bad running habits, or increasing the amount of your training too rapidly before your muscles can get a chance to grow and adapt. I feel that I got them for all those reasons and more. If I can’t walk, job, or run, I am scared I’ll gain all the weight back and more.

Lexapro. If you didn’t know, I have anxiety. (One of my many wonderful character traits). A lot of it, if I could give it away or throw it out I would but sadly I can’t so here we are. I take this med to help with it. I have been taking it for about a week now. I haven’t noticed many, or if any, changes. The doctor said I would in about 3 to 4 weeks. That’s not my issue though. One of the side effects is weight gain. I’m already concerned about my shins, now this. Great. Or maybe its just my anxiety trying to get the best out of me before the med hits.

I want to get a gym membership to use other equipment that wont be too hard on my legs. But then I wimp out. I also thought of getting a bike. But then I remember that people in this dumb town don’t lock up their dogs and they chew people up in the street on the daily. Lovely.

SO, in the mean time I’ll just take it easy and try to eat as healthy as I possibly can. Ugh.

*Sips venti Starbucks Frappuccino*

My Life Starts Now

Yesterday, I went to the mall with one of my good friends. I was actually really concerned for everyone’s safety. As I was walking around I got a glimpse of myself in one of those mirrors they have on those poles. I audibly gasped. My man boobs were sticking out like concealed weapons. I was shocked I hadn’t physically stabbed some ones eye out with my cones of flesh popping out from under my shirt. Some one should have stopped me, my friend should have told me something! Clearly the shirt that I was wearing was not flattering at all.

I’m not one to go to the mall in the first place, I don’t understand why society thinks that its ok to make a shirt, slap a brand on it, and sell it for an outrageous amount of money, when you can clearly buy the same one or the same pair of jeans for way less with out the brand name. But, I am glad I did go because it gave me the opportunity to actually get a good look at what I have become. So when my friend asked if I wanted to go with him I said sure, I haven’t gone in months, so I went to remind myself why it is that I don’t actually like to go in the first place. I know, my mind is a tricky place.

Lets talk a little about the pictures you just saw. One is a hot, sexy, confident, young man. The other is some one who stress eats all his problems and emotions. And don’t try to tell me other wise, because NO.

In the picture on the left I was at my all time best. That was the summer of last year. The picture on the right is me now, today, about 20 minutes ago. I used to weigh 185, which is exactly what I am supposed to weigh for my age and height. Now I weigh 215. Not really much over weight, just 30 pounds. Well, still a lot, but you get me. Its all located in my gut, breasteses, and my double chins. So, what happened?

Life happened. I went to the gym more than I went to church back then. I wasn’t the lifting weights type of person which is why I don’t look buff. The elliptical was my lover. I loved that hoe. I have week knees so the treadmill always killed me. Back to the subject, I used to go to the gym but then I stopped once my mom was going to get her reconstruction surgery after surviving breast cancer. A little before that I noticed I started eating more and more. Then when her surgery came through I stopped going completely.

She was out for a whole month. I took a month or so off work to take care of her. It took a toll on me, and honestly I got conformable with myself. I told myself that when she was all better I would go back to my regular routine and I would lose all the weight that I would have gained. That didn’t go as planned. I started this friendship with a girl from church and then it turned into something else. I was so stressed. My moms surgery, work, the girl, and other things were all on my back. I looked for help and comfort and I found it in hot greasy carne assada fries. (If you don’t know what that is, we need to hang out ASAP).

But today I woke up with hope. I woke up feeling some thing that I haven’t felt in a while. I need to take care of myself. I haven’t been. For the longest time I have been taking care of everyone else. I have been the person that they want me to be because I didn’t want to disappoint them. In reality, who are they? Who really are they? They made me feel terrible. Terrible enough that I couldn’t control what and how much I put in my mouth. Not intentionally, but I still let them.

Well that’s over. I’ts time I take back what is rightfully mine. My life. And I need to put this out there and on here to keep myself in check. If I never say it, I’ll never do it. I’ll check back at and see where my progress is at.

My life starts NOW.

What If

Have you ever just been chilling at home, and then suddenly your mind wonders off to a far away distant dimension that’s parallel to the life that you’re living now but only with small differences?

Wow, ok let me simplify that just a bit.

So, you ever wonder how different your life would have been if you did just one thing different? If that one decision you had, the no you said turned into a yes, or the job you didn’t take you took? Where would you be now? What if you had stayed with your first girlfriend/boyfriend? What if you hadn’t moved to that new city you feared so much? Or what if you did take the chance and had moved away from home?

I’m constantly thinking about that stuff. I don’t know if it’s healthy or not, but I’m always living in the what if of life.

What if I just quit my job? What if I just run away? Start a new life? Leave everyone behind? Change my phone number, move somewhere else? Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but you get the picture.

There are a lot of what ifs that I have floating in my head that could have potentially have changed my life drastically in the past. Maybe even now they still could. But that’s the thing with what ifs, that’s all they are. Thoughts, dreams, a picture that slowly fade away with time until you forget about them.

But, what if you never do?


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Shin Splints 

            I love running. Especially outside. I’ll admit I did want a treadmill once, but that desire faded away as soon as I saw how nice and beautiful it is to breathe the fresh air outside. 

            Running for me is such a good way for me to relive my stress. To let everything go with every single footstep I place on the ground. My lungs fill up with new air as worries and problems get exhaled and left behind. My mind travels to places that my feet can’t go while music flows through my ears right into my soul. 

            So what happens when that is taken away from you? Tragedy. Ok maybe that’s a little too dramatic. But for me knowing I can’t run for a while is nearly devastating. 

            Let me explain. So basically what happened as I hiked up my usual mountain today in the early morning is that my shins failed me. That bone that runs from your knee to your foot? Yeah that one! The middle part of my shin, the inner part, was hurting like HELL. On both feet! 

            Turns out it’s called shin splints. And it’s actually really common in runners. Well, runners that are very unbalanced. Which I suppose, I am. I have to take the blame on this one (obviously) and say that it’s my fault. I have had minor pain in the same location but had ignored it. I just thought it was sore. But you should never ignore your body! I just learned that today. 

            If I would have listened to my body and investigated this sooner I probably would have fought this early on and would have just cooled down my runs. Now I’m left to stop running completely for a week or so while it heals up. 


            I bought some athletic tape and some neoprene sleeves for both legs. I also placed a cold pad on them for a little while. The pain has gone away, but that doesn’t mean that it’s healed. When I apply pressure it feels like agony. 



            My mom told me that I should cool it down when I run. But I don’t even run that intense. I think it’s just that I stopped so long ago then testarted a long while after and my body was just like WTF Dude? You know? 

            For now all I’m left with is yoga. I tried it once, but didn’t have the patients for it. I’m going to give it another try and see how it goes. Maybe it will calm and relax me in a different way? I’ll do anything right now, don’t have any other options of exercise, other than weights and I do that already. 

New Hobbies 

Dear Journal, 

         This weekend by far has been one of the best weekends I have had in a while. It went by so fast I didn’t have enough time to blink. Now, usually that would bug me because I am a home body. I like to be alone, with my snacks, Netflix , snuggled up in bed. But this weekend was anything but that. 

          First, one Saturday, I woke up super early to go to work. Yes, work. I didn’t mind. I woke up really refreshed, no joke. They had donuts and later on pizza for everyone that had gone, as a thank you. It took so much of me to say no to both. (P.s. I’m on a healthy diet now, and I’m a full on  runner and health nerd). My coworkers ate and ate while I ate my grapes. 

         After work I came home and took a nap. It was maybe less than half an hour but it helped. I had planned to start a garden so I headed over to the Home Depot. Bought some soil and also plants. Tomato, strawberry, cantaloupe, and watermelon. I want to plant more but we’ll see. From there I went hiking and I gave it my all! I went up and did two loops around the top, or was it three? I’m not sure, I just felt energized after. My feet hurt but in the good way, you know? 

         The next day (Sunday), I woke up with a mission. I prepared the ground where my garden was going to be so in the afternoon I could plant my new babies. It took me an hour to fix everything up but I was well over satisfied. After that I ate breakfast and went on my way to Petco. My friends brother gave me a fish tank so I had to get the filter and other necessities that go along so he could also give me some fish he doesn’t want, (he’s building a pond at his house so he’s giving away his smaller fish). 

          When I was done installing everything in the tank I turned it on and the sound it made was just lovely. Like a mini waterfall. Reminds of my childhood for a sec. I had a fish tank grouping up. 

          Once the sun had come down enough for me to plant my new friends I went outside and got the soil and the plants ready. They went in with no problem. They looked cute together in the ground. They had their own respective places good enough for their nutrients and space. I’m excited about them. Can you tel!? 

          Now at the end of my Sunday it all seems sour because I have to go back to the work routine. But I’m walking into this week just maybe an ounce happier than I’ve been the last couple of weeks. But hopefully my new found hobbies (running, planting, and fish?) keep my mind busy and bring me some kind of light to my life.

4/9/2017