This will be my very first Thanksgiving I will be celebrating. It’s really the year of firsts isn’t it?
My boyfriend invited me to his families Thanksgiving a couple weeks ago. I was really excited when he did. Everything that involves him and spending time with him makes me happy.
I am nervous though. I am not good at meeting new people. I have only met one of his sisters and when I say ‘met’ I mean it very loosely. I have also met his mom and stepdad, but the only words we have ever exchanged is hello and goodbye when I’m leaving and they happen to be in the living room.
I’m usually the quite one in the group when meeting new people. I need to see who they are, I need to feel the environment, I need to fell safe. If not then I’ll go into my shell. There are times when surprisingly I will be the most talkative. Usually that’s with my friends.
The thing is that all his family will be there. I don’t know them, I don’t know how they function. Plus, this is the first Thanksgiving I will be attending so its new all together.
I’m scared yes, but at the same time I’m excited. I want to be happy, I want to live my life.
Thousands or more like millions of children are going door to door tonight in search of the best candies they can find. Teens across America are going to parties their parents aren’t aware of. Girls dress up in provocative costumes not wanting men to undress them with their eyes. Men go around undressing slutty woman with their eyes.
This used to be my favorite holiday. It was actually the only holiday that I cared about celebrating. Not even Christmas came close. But halloween stood out like a sore thumb all year long. What’s there not to love? Candy, scary movies, cold weather in some weird association, and dressing up and seeing everyone’s creativity.
Growing up I craved being able to celebrate it. It wasn’t until I was 20 years old that I actually finally celebrated Halloween. I was a good Christian boy, but then I walked over to the dark side. Pun intended.
I was Peter Pan. And honestly, it was one of the best nights I’ve had. I felt like a kid again. Pun game strong today. The year after that I didn’t dress up but I did go to a party. I had fun but wasn’t that exciting. Two years ago I didn’t do anything at all because I was in a huge hole of depression. Last year, I took a shift on my day off to work on Halloween because I didn’t want to be sad that I didn’t have plans.
What am I doing this Halloween? Sitting at home writing this post. Even though I want to be out there, doing stuff, partying, and just getting crazy. But even though I tell myself if you aren’t happy then change yourself. But the thing is that I am happy. I’ve changed, and it’s ok, I miss things but it doesn’t make me miserable.
Just another Halloween.