Working At Home

Today was the day I was scheduled to go back to work. I had taken off work since September twenty first to take care of my mother who went through reconstruction surgery that same day. I was going to be out two weeks and a half. But seeing as she may need more assistance I asked to return to work a little later, this Monday to be exact.

Some of my coworkers who have my number have been messaging me asking me if I’m ok or if I’ll be returning. I’ve texted them back letting them know I will go back soon. I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was taking a leave of absence because, well as blunt as it sounds, it’s none of their business.

I know that sounds harsh and mean, but I don’t really have a connection to them. Sure they are my coworkers but the bond or relationship I have with them is just merely related to work. There was only about two of them that I actually did tell what was going on. I’m sure I’m the talk of the town, probably asking themselves where I am or if I’m returning, or even what happened to me in the first place. Some might even think I quit. Surprise they will get when they see me walk in Monday.

I do have to say that even though I’ve been up and down with hospital visits, cleaning and cooking, and taking care of my mother, I have enjoyed this time off. Working at home is far different from working at a job. The thought of returning does not amuse me at all.

As a matter of fact, today while buying groceries, I saw a coworker. I asked her how she was and how things at work were going. By the looks of it, they’re not going so well. Things have changed and by the expression on her face and her tone of voice, they haven’t changed for the better.

Just to confirm my doubts I messaged a close coworker and she said that everything I heard was correct, and maybe even worse. If I didn’t want to go back then, imagine how I feel now? It seems like the big boss wants numbers, and he’s going to get them at who’s ever expense.

Inside My Head

Human interaction. We all need it. Even the most antisocial person on the planet needs basic human interaction. With out it we go crazy.

Have you ever felt that way? Maybe you live alone, took some days off work to relax. Stayed home and did nothing. Soon you crave to talk to someone.

It’s a strange feeling. The need to let your thoughts out for someone to hear. The need to see someone’s reactions to your words. The feeling you get when you get a response to what you’ve said or done. It makes you feel alive. Or else how would you know?

It’s hard to live in your head. Most of us do it unconsciously. Living day in and day out talking to ourselves. Answering questions our own minds asked us in our brain. Some of us make up people that don’t exist just to relay information and get it out of the system. Yet, who do we kid? We are just playing ourselves.

I feel this way a lot. Recently it’s been stronger than ever. I live in my head. I’ve built a strong house on a a great foundation in a lovely city there. In my head I see the world in a different way, better. Some times the outer world is just a scene in the tv in my house in my head.

That’s what happens when you slowly lose interaction with humans who once you were close with. Do you blame them? Or do you blame yourself? Coping is only part of life. It’s how we survive. It’s how we still live on with out going crazy. Or are we all just a little crazy?

I sit. Open a book, till my head back, and relax in my warm little home. Inside my head.