Maybe This Could Work

It’s been a wild couple of days. From losing my job to getting back together with my ex, all the way to getting called by an old married “friend”, only to have a fling.

I know. Hang in there. There’s more.

I hope now that I have more time on my hands I can manage a way to write more, like I used to. Of course back then I had a lot to write about. Now as days go by, things happen, I sit here and think to myself, should I even write about this? To me some of the things are irrelevant. Or maybe I just don’t want to talk about them. Who knows?

Nonetheless, last Thursday was my last day at work. Everyone who was leaving that day was excited out of their mind. Well, more like just out of their mind, to be more accurate. We all just wanted to leave. Get our money and get out.

Which is what happened. We went in, signed some papers, release forms and some legal documents, and then we hit the door like the building was catching on fire.

Most of the coworkers leaving that day decided to go out to eat. I’m not a big fan of them, or Big social gatherings in general, so I dipped. Instead I went with another close coworker to a Casino. She won a couple 20’s. Then she bought me lunch.

I really need to work on my spending, but I’ll put a pin in that thought for now.

Then came the weekend. The Jehovah witness had their convention. If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a gathering of many many JW congregations in an auditorium where they sit through almost 7 hours of bible topic talks with a lunch break in the middle. I know it sounds insane, but it’s really not that bad.

I had promised my mom and girlfriend I’d go a couple weeks ago. I told them also that just because I was attending did not mean I was reinstating myself back into the religion.

I wanted to see old friends. I wanted to be there for my mom and my girlfriend as well. I did it for them. I’ll admit it. The days went by really fast. I even saw some people that I was friends with since my childhood.

It was mostly about love. Actually, entirely about love. How to show your love for others and ect ect. They’re trying their best to understand why I’m not going. That’s their way of “showing love”. I respect that.

Saturday I went to dinner with my girlfriends family and other family/friends. It was awkward. He just got baptized that day. (Which means, when you have basic knowledge of the Bible principles and rules you can get baptized into the religion if you’re going to now live your life based on said rules and principles). I hadn’t seen him for months ever since I left the religion. He pulled me to the side and asked if I was ok. I told him I was doing great. It was awkward, and really a waste of my time. He said to take care and be strong. Hypocrite. 20 minutes later as I sat next to his daughter, my girlfriend, he texts her to get up and sit somewhere that is not next to me. But she doesn’t. And the night goes on.

I have an issue with this. Sorry to get all religious here but this is where my brain clashes with the religion. They say all choices they make come from god or whatever, and that every action that the Elders of the congregation do is approved by the Holy Spirit. So in other words, (just to get this correct,) the Holy Spirit approved this man to be baptized? God allowed this man to become part of His congregation, His “holy organization”? My understanding is that when you get baptized, you are leaving behind your old ways. You’re not perfect no, but you live your life the best possible way or closest you can according to the Bible principals. But here is this man, who is violent in nature, hits and verbally abuses women, his own family, and has an ego so big, I find it hard to comprehend, gets approved to be a son of God?

I spoke to my mom about this. She didn’t think it was right either. But she said we can’t question gods plan. It’s happening for a reason.

Heres my other dilemma. (Because I have many). Why does it always have to be God’s plan when we can’t understand something ? If it’s going great “praise the lord!! It’s all the lord!!” But when things in this religion aren’t going right, something feels off, “it’s gods plan. We can’t see it now, but he’s doing everything for a reason. Don’t question it!” What type of bullshit is that?

I’ll stop here because I don’t want to get into it that much again.

These past couple of weeks. Maybe about more than a month now. All the time I’ve been spending with my girlfriend. All the texts, the phone conversations, eating out, having her body so close to mine. Sometimes I don’t want to let go. I don’t want her father to ruin it for us. I don’t want the religion to either.

They have this dumb rule. When there is a female and a male present, there should be a third party so there is no sin committed. I hate that rule. I need privacy. I want to spend some time alone with her . Doesn’t mean we’re going to go out and have sex everywhere and anywhere. There’s a little no huge thing called consent that plays a big role in this.

The religion was a huge part of my life. I’m not an activist. I’m not going to go around saying, “don’t do it, don’t be in there.” That’s not my job. If that’s what you want to do that’s cool. Just make sure it’s what you actually want to do. And you’re doing it because you want to, not because you’re being told to.

I told my girlfriend that the other day. She said she had a lot of respect for me. She said she’d also respect my decision in not going back.

Maybe this could work.

Maybe.