Some Good News

This Monday I received a call from my (old) internship. I didn’t answer the first time because I’m scared of phone calls like a cat is scared of a cucumber, but I got in touch with them a little later and they offered me a part time job.

This was some good news, I mean after everything that is going on it’s nice to have something good happen for once right?

Although, I did think about it. It wasn’t and instant yes! Take me now! no, it was more of a well, sure if you guys are busy type of deal. The thing is that the Job (feels weird calling it that now) is about 40 minutes away. Its a drive, but on the bright side there is no traffic at all, never has been and now that many people are at home I doubt there will even be cars on the road but we will see, I don’t want to jinx myself.

Anyways, that was one factor, the drive. Then I started thinking about the pay, would I get paid well? Not sure, not even now that I accepted the job. They told me to think of a number and then we would talk about it when I go in for orientation. I have been researching what the average pay is for what I will be doing, then it will be determined by them if they accept that number or not.

It’s part time for now, only two days out of the week. I still have school the other three so I can’t work those days until I graduate in the beginning of June.

What else was I going to do? Looking for a job right now is kind of hard, specially with my schedule. Maybe this could turn into a full time job, or maybe it’s a stepping stone to the next chapter of my life, where ever that may be.

But I am very grateful that they thought of me and that they even considered hiring me for a part time job. I feel really good about myself, and I love the fact that they really enjoyed having me when I was with them for my internship, even if the internship was very short lived.

Day by Day

How is everyone doing with the quarantine?

You would think that just being home and being bored would make me want to post on here more often but that is not the case. I have been having a little bit of a writers block, or maybe nothing is going on in my life at the moment.

Since my last post I have started doing school from home as the rest of the country has. It has been really interesting how everything is happening. Its kind of a work in progress.

I have stopped applying to all jobs. Last week I was flooded with emails of places where I had applied to saying that the job that they had posted was being canceled do to what’s going on in the world. So with that I kind of stopped all together, for now I just have to really budget and hope that my credit cards don’t suffer as much in the end. I know I’m not the only one being affected by all this but I didn’t even have a job to begin with.

I feel really unhealthy too, they’ve shut down my gym. I have been eating really bad too so that doesn’t add any good to it. I kind of lost a little bit of hope in everything if I’m being honest. But I take it day by day, and I’m hanging in there, just like everyone else.

Broke to Immensely in Debt

The unemployment system sucks ass.

First off, the pay sucks, second if you have any concerns or questions about your case or what ever it is you are trying to solve don’t even bother calling because all you will get is an answering machine, there is literally no option to speak to a real breathing person. Not to mention their only window to call is 8 am to 12 pm.

This is has been my life for the past couple of weeks. My unemployment is all gone, used up. So I have gone from being broke to immensely in debt. My credit cards are slowly going to start maxing out, and then I’ll start freaking out.

I have been applying to jobs for weeks now, I’m starting to think that my resume is not one of the best, even though my teacher helped me on it.

What I’m looking for is a part time job. I have school, I have my internship, and then I want to spend time with my boyfriend. Yet, I can’t get a job. I lost count of all the places I have applied to, its ridiculous.

I have thought of going to a work agency, but I have stopped myself because of my availability. They would have to find some where really special for me.

I already talked it with my boyfriend, letting him know that if and when I get a job we might have to see each other less. He was cool about it, more cooler that I wish he would have been but maybe he needs a break from my crazy needy ass.

I could try to add an extension to my unemployment, but I am so over them. I have had so many issues with them in the beginning of the whole process and I really don’t want to go through all that again, I’d rather get a job. Even if I have to loose sleep.

My internship is over in a couple of months, I have worked two jobs before and they have lasted just as long, so I figure I can do it again, which is why I’m looking for a night job or something.

At this point I’m willing to sell my kidney.

First World Basic Bitch

This is my third week on my internship and I have realized that I have yet to write about it. Maybe because I think that it’s really not that interesting. All I am doing for now is translate manuals and company brochures. At first I didn’t know if it was racism, because I am Spanish speaking, but now I’m kind of over it.

They could have me doing other things I suppose, since I am going to school to be an office professional not a translate, but that’s neither here or there.intership_dog I only go two times a week and its only for seven hours. Its super easy so that’s mainly why I don’t really complain…

The thing is that it does get really repetitive. At the same time I tell my self that they’re feeling me out to see what I can do? I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t want to go since its 40 mins away and I don’t have a job to pay for gas, but its one of those things where you have to just struggle through it and take it until the end. If I don’t then all this time will have been wasted. Plus I think that I only need about 3 or 4 months of this left so its not that bad, and the people that work there are really nice.

I guess I’m just being a first world basic complaining bitch.

Everything Is Moving Along, Fast

Life is rolling on fast, January is almost over, the year is already flying by.

I start my internship this upcoming Tuesday. (Yes, I got it). I am excited. I will be interning for a non-profit organization that helps people with autism find jobs and teach them how to work with others.

I’ve always wondered what it was like to work for a non-profit organization. Now I have this opportunity to learn and get experience from all these wonderful humans.

I will working in the marketing and resource department, and once in a while help out payroll and Human Resources. I’m in the administrative clerical field so basically anything related to office work is what I will be doing.

I can’t wait to start, although the drive is a little long and I’m not getting paid for any of this, the experience should be more than enough. I also think I was placed there for a reason. I’m ready to learn as much as I can, not just for work, but about life and people.

Pretty soon I will have my certificate of completion and I will be working. Life is moving extremely fast and I am just noticing this as I am typing. Originally I just wanted to talk about my internship, but now as I think about it, everything is moving along, fast.

Cherish every moment.

Back To The Grind

I’m back home. *cries*

I spent almost two weeks at my boyfriends house for Christmas and New Years. I have to say it was a great vacation, and just like mostly everyone, now its back to the real life.

Coming back home I thought things would feel different. Usually when I am gone for so long things seem to feel off or not just right when I come back, sometimes old things just feel new. But its as if I was only gone for a day. I’m not really sure if that’s just how time flies by now or if I really didn’t miss being home.

Tomorrow I go back to school and on Wednesday I have my first internship interview. I was emailed on my winter break by my teacher notifying me to be ready. The interview is at a nonprofit organization in the next town over. I would have preferred it to be closer since I wont be getting paid for it but I have to remember that I need to do this for the experience.

I have been sick with a fever and some body aches since last Thursday, which has not been fun, and I’m really hopping it all goes away by the time I have my interview. Today I just woke up with a sore throat.

I have to unpack all my things, take a warm shower, buy medicine, and then go shop for some ‘business attire’ since I have to dress Gucci now. (Hello more debt).

Unpacking is so sad. Like, you come back home from having a good time and realize the party is over. The good times are all finished and it all just seems like a dream. Like you woke up and you have to try your best not to forget the small details and all the good moments that happened. Ugh its all so sad. But we can’t dwell on it.

That’s just life isn’t it? Well, back to the grind.

Downhill

Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now.

In my head this whole unemployment, going back to school, and not having a job thing was going to be easy. Or, well, not easy, but not this challenging either.

I don’t know if its just me. But, have you ever woken up from a nap and felt this inner hatred for yourself? What’s that about? I felt that yesterday. It was weird and thank goodness it wore off before I headed over to my girlfriends place.

That feeling came back today though. I didn’t open the door for it. I didn’t invite it in. It just walked through the walls and into my brain.

I have been stressed. Lets be honest. The whole vacation was a nice distraction from everything that is going on in my life.

First, lets start with what happened last night. At my GF’s place we talked about the future. Then she told me that she would like it for me to go to the meetings (church gatherings) at least once in a while. I told her how I felt about it all. She told me that she didn’t want to pressure me into doing anything that I didn’t want to do, she just wanted to let me know how she felt. I appreciate her sincerity.

There is a part of me that wants to go back. Just to see how I will be received. Another part of me wants to go to make her happy, to make my mom happy, but then again that is one of the reasons I left. I don’t like some of their rules, but I ask myself this, do I actually have to follow them if I don’t want to?

I was talking to myself the other day and I told myself that if I ever did decide to go back (because we all know how indecisive I am), that I would not be the person that I used to be. Devoted? We don’t know Him. I have learned that by pleasing others, you will not gain happiness or even approval. Everyone talks. Some of them don’t even know what they are saying, they just talk. Will I go back? Question is pending an answer.

Today I started looking for schools. I don’t want to go to a four year school. I don’t. Its too much time and I don’t have a lot of that. I never liked colleges or universities. So I started to look at trade schools or vocational schools. Everything is expensive no matter what. Weather its a four year or just a trade. Funny how they tell you to go to school and they die saying that education is one of the best things you can reach for, but yet they make it unbelievably expensive.

I went to a tour of one of the schools I was able to schedule today. I want to elaborate on how it went but at the same time I don’t want to sound so pathetic. Half way through the assessment I was taking, I got up and left. Why? I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I was so mad. Mad at what? Let me find a good excuse because I don’t have a reason.

I felt so much pressure in my head, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry that ugly cry with tears and boogers running down your cheeks and chin. But I didn’t.  I held it in like the big boy that I am supposed to be. I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions though. So many that I didn’t know which one I was supposed to listen to.

Why? Why? Why? I don’t understand why I get like this sometimes and it bugs the shit out of me.

I feel like finding the saddest playlist of music and just crying my eyes our. Is that therapeutic? Better out than in Shrek always says, right?

What I got for unemployment is total trash. I’m trying to find a school that will take me in as soon as I can. At the same time I don’t want to be around anyone. My GF wants me to be in the religion the same as hers. Everything is stressing me out right now. I’m so irritable. I have a trip planned in two weeks that I have been dying to go to this whole summer, and I don’t even think I’ll make it to that. Not to even mention that my mom has another upcoming surgery in September.

I saw this coming. I always do.

You can always see when you’re going down hill. Right now I’m at the very top looking down, and its looking like its pretty steep.

A Better Beginning

A week from today I will be unemployed.

I’m excited. I know someone who’s losing a job usually freaks out, but ever since I knew it was coming I really sat down to think about it.

Maybe I’m in a state of shock? Who knows. I feel fine. I feel good. If my job was a place I would enjoy going to then maybe I’d be more preoccupied in not leaving or getting laid off.

This week my employer notified the unemployment offices about the mass lay off. They came in and had some few presentations that were very helpful.

At the end of the day, with all this new information, and from what I had previously wanted and thought about, I came to a conclusion. Going back to school.

I’ll have an income, thanks to the unemployment. It won’t be much but I’ll manage. And there are many forms of help I can receive for schooling. Not sure what I want to do at the moment, but I do know that this is the time I can do it.

I can’t waste my time sitting at home or jumping right into the next job. This is a great opportunity. That’s why I’m not scared. That’s why I don’t mourn this loss. Because it isn’t one. It’s an ending yes. But an ending that leads to another beginning. A better beginning.

45 And Counting

Seeing as I am now 45 days close to not having a job, searching for a new one has become a top priority. I am not looking forward to being unemployed and collecting unemployment. Sure I hate my job, that doesn’t mean I want to stay home and work the government. Some of my coworkers are thrilled to do so and can’t wait. That annoys the heck out of me.

I received a call last week for an interview, I went and it actually turned out to go very well. It was for a delivery driving position. Something I have not yet jumped into. The manager who interview me asked if I wanted to tag along with one of the drivers and see if it was a good option for me.

I thought it was a great opportunity. What other job asks you to come in and just basically watch what they do and see if you like it? Not many. The job seemed fairly well, as the manager described it. But this way I would be seeing it and hearing it form the horses mouth.

Today was the day of the ‘ride along’ as he called it. The driver that I shadowed was very friendly but at the same time very straight forward. This is what I needed. I didn’t need someone to sell me the job again and tell me lies. I also didn’t need someone to bash on their own job and make it seem like it was a hell hole. He explained the cons and the pros and paved the way for me to decide what I would do.

The job itself is not bad. It’s honest, and technically, I would be making the same amount of money that I make now. The downfall? I would be driving a lot more. I would be getting up a lot earlier and I would be getting home a lot later as well. For someone who loves to drive, this is hard for me because driving a car is not the same as driving a 20 foot truck, in the middle of the summer , to one of the hottest valleys in the desert. Like I said, I love driving, I believe that this job would make me start to hate it.

Am I upset? No. I know there will be jobs that appear to be great. I may not like them. That’s why I have all this time to decide which job I choose. I want to be 100% sure I want the job I will get. For some reason that feeling wasn’t there for this job.

I have faith though. I will get a nice job that I like. I’m not looking for the pay as much as I’m looking for the environment and feel of it. I want to be happy. That’s my goal for the rest of the year. Doing me, getting happy.

W.A.R.N.

I . . . didn’t go to work today. Don’t roll your eyes at me. I know I sound like a broken record. But, this time it wasn’t because of my anxiety or because I literally hate everyone at work. No, this time it was different. There is actual justification. Well, not that anxiety isn’t justification, but you know what I mean, well you don’t, but you will.

My job has yet to let anyone know who will be staying and who will be kicked out do to the downsizing. There was a note posted from headquarters, which if you actually pay attention to, it can give you valuable information. The letter said the basic info that we all already knew. The cut backs, the business move to the east coast and all that other formal stuff. But, it also said when people would be let go.

It said that the “terminations” would take place during July 22nd to August 22nd. Since the law in California states that your employer has to give you a 60 day notice before termination, one can conclude that the WARN letters will be handed out this week, starting the 22nd.

Last week they were asking everyone what they wanted to do. Be put on the list to possibly stay or be put on the list to be laid off. I chose to be laid off. At least I hope I am. Who knows how much longer the company will last even when the downsize happens. Plus this is a great way to get references and recommendations, plus help with my resume. (They said they would provide it , so I hope they do).

Since then, work has gotten slower and slower. I think that its going to be like this until the place comes down. You know its funny, I was telling a friend, (this might sound morbid, so cover your virgin little ears if you don’t want to hear) but, all those times that you wish your job would come down in flames? (Or was it just me?). This is like that. Not literal of course, but in a way its symbolic, at least for me it is.

Anyway, I got sent home early on Friday because of the lack of work. When I was home my boss texted me and asked if I wanted to stay home for Monday since there was still not going to be any work. I’ve never texted anyone faster in my life when I told her that I would love to stay home. Sucks that I have to go back now though.

So, that’s why I didn’t go to work today. I know, very long unnecessary explanation but I felt the need to elaborate a little. I could have just said that my boss asked if I wanted the day off, but then again, there would be no post, would there? *wink*