A while ago I told myself I was going to use the time I have right now to write a book. A book based on what I have gone through the past few years. From my sexuality to living a double life while being in a religion like cult. Both of those things still go in hand to hand and still to this day are something I am still coming to terms with.
The thing is, I wasn’t aware that it was something that was so complex. I was watching videos and I also read articles about the processes on how to write a memoir. It’s not an easy process.
I don’t want to give up though. I know that sometimes I can get discouraged very early on in the things that I want to do, but I feel the need to do this. I want to do it first of all for myself.
I have to be really honest here. I am really troubled towards where to even start. I want to tell my story and I want to be as honest as I can be. I want the truth to get out there. I want people to read and feel what I have been through. I want to document all my mistakes that I made. I know that it is my side of the story and its everything that has happened to me but that doesn’t make me any more of a saint or innocent. I made really poor decision in the past too and I want to write about those and maybe someone can learn from them just as I have learned.
The issue is where do I even start? How do I even start? What do I need to talk about? This is the first time I want to do some thing this big. What if no on wants to read it?
I over think way to much. We know that, but right now that I have the opportunity and time to do this I want to take advantage of it.
The only experience I have in writing is this blog that I have had for almost three years. Writing is my passion and I know that I am not the best of it, but maybe some day I will be.
But, I’ll do it. I will do this.
We have hit a mile stone! As of today, yes, today. Write it down on your calendar because it is important to me. I have my own domain! *insert cheers here*.
The other day I was wondering through the internet (as one millennial would do) and as I approached my blog, I was not logged into word press. I wanted to see what the reader sees when they click on my blog. Well, what I found was horrendous. I almost had a heart attack. There were so many ads.
Was I promoting what ever it was you were seeing? No. Was I making money off of that? No. That’s why I was shook. I literally fell out of my chair. If there are going to be ads on my page then you bet your little smooth bottom I’m going to be profiting off of those,
so when you see them in the future click on them and help me make a living ok? OK. Just kidding, wordpress please don’t sue me.
I have been on this site for a little over 2 years now. This is actually my third year on this site. Don’t you think its time we make some changes? Sure the “don’t fix whats not broke” thing might come in here but change is good. Well some change, like this change. Ok, I’m not making any sense but you get the picture, right?
Any ways, welcome once again to my official Blog.
*Champagne bottle pop noise thingy*
It’s a new year and its time for the whole New Year New Me bullshit. This is not the case for me though, I shall remain the same old me that I have always been. why would I change? I mean yes, I do have many many flaws but why do I have to change them for others when they wont change theirs for me?
Yesterday I took the day off from both jobs to go to Six Flags. I love that amusement park so much. There’s just something about being viciously thrown from side to side while moving at high speeds more than ten stories in the air just makes me feel like I am alive. I have to be honest, some of those rides don’t even do it for me any more. I guess you could say I am kind of an extremest.
I don’t know if I mentioned it before on here but one if not my only friend and I started a journal together. There I will as well as he will write down our daily things that we do throughout our lives. I think it’s a great idea for the moment. He will get to see what I really think, I wont hold back anything,
well the fact that im gay maybe but that’s all.
The only thing that will change this year will probably be me quitting alcohol. I have seen how this liquid has ruined many people’s life. It has even put me in some bad places before, and seeing as how friendly I was becoming with it, I needed to stop while I was ahead.
At my second job, the call center, I told them I needed fewer hours, which they granted me by only giving me Fridays and the weekends to work which is perfect. I think at my first job it will slow down, not sure how that will reflect on my bank account.
Speaking of my back account. I was robbed of 260 dollars at
Bed Bath and Beyond. I was checking my transactions from yesterday and noticed that one. I was nowhere near the store so I had to call immediately to place a claim and have the current card canceled before those robbers decide they might need more bath bombs or smoothing and soothing lotion for their nice soft criminal hands.
So that’s the start of 2018, still sacred but still moving on along while I have a breath to breathe.
I’m sorry Journal,
I have been neglecting you. I want to give you an excuse and say I have been too busy, and even though that’s almost true, I really just have been putting you off. It’s really hard to be focused right now. With all my moms appointments and medical things to get ready for the surgery, from my documents on my immigration, and not to mention work.
First, my mom is trying to switch to a surgen she was referred to. She didn’t like the one she got. But the one that she got assigned to is the only one the insurance will cover. So now we have to go insurance hunting to see which one will cover the surgen she wants.
Today I went to get my fingerprints taken. No haven’t killed anyone (yet) but I guess it’s always safe to check. Everything with that went really smoothly. Fast and swell. Hopefully my work permit also comes in that fast.
As for work. Well there is not much I can say. There hasn’t been any new info. Although these past weeks I have been working a little over forty hours which I want to use as an excuse to say I’m tired. Today my boss mention to me before I left that, the company wants us to go in on saturdays. Yay for inventory. But I shouldn’t be sour about it. I do need the money. More than I would like to admit.
I hate money. I hate how it uses people. I hate how people use it. I hate how it turns people into monsters. This world is help up on money. Sad. That’s a topic for another day though.
Anyway, that’s pretty much it. I’ve been reading a lot of books lately, maybe I’ll get a chance to talk about them.
We have problem Journal,
We’ll two if you want to be technical. Cold sores. I have had this problem since I was in the first grade so don’t go making any funny or dirty jokes (or both). A cold sore is a bunch of (
motherfucking) blisters bunched up together (to ruin your life just by sitting) on your lip that are more than noticeable. It tingles on your lips but you know if you scratch even the slightest that ( bitch of a) blister will only grow.
It had to come at the worst of times. No, I’m not meeting anyone new and no, I’m not doing anything special. But then again, who sits around thinking, “oh hey, I haven’t had a cold sore in a while, I think its about time.”
I put medication on it to try to heal it as fast as I can. I had to go to work regardless. Even though it was pretty noticeable no one said anything! Honestly, that was really surprising. Some of my coworkers are extremely outspoken and have an opinion about every single little thing, yet no one said anything about the volcanic eruptions going on in the corner of my mouth.
I’m pretty sure everyone noticed, and maybe it was uncomfortable that they say something? That’s possible. (even though they aren’t really that nice, if at all). Maybe when it heals they’ll ask what happened to my little red friend. How embarrassing.
Anyway, before I finish Journal, I wanted to also inform you something about my “friends”. I posted something on social media (like I do). Later that night they spammed the group messages with memes and pics about missing each other and what not. One of them sent a pic of her new cat. I asked if it was hers, and she replied with yes, obviously. She got it a month ago. I new but i was acting.
After I stopped replying so did they. I hate how I have to keep them connected. Why do I have to be the center of our friendship? I cant right now, I’m not strong enough. They don’t even have the balls to demand to know what the fuck is going on in my life but yet they want to send funny pics and laugh. Well fuck them, right? Maybe I’m to harsh but that’s how I feel and I cant change my feelings because that’s what they are, feelings.