My Best Friend Is A Psychopath

Yes, you read that correctly, My best friend is a psychopath.

Don’t worry, I will explain it all, and when I am finished you will have no other option but to agree with me. I was wondering why I have always had issues with him. Yes we get along most of the time, but then there are those moments I really don’t understand why he does things. There are times I wonder what he thinks or feels and I can’t really get a clear imagine. I, 100% don’t know. I don’t know who he is. When you think of your best friend don’t you automatically know what they like and dislike? What they want to do or the places they want to go? I’ve known him for maybe a little over five years and it seems that I still don’t know him at all. I know of him, but I don’t know him

Here are the reasons I think my best friend is a psychopath;

 

  • Pathological Liar

He always says he doesn’t lie. And to a certain extent he is correct. But what I have noticed during all the years that I have known him is that he doesn’t say the truth either. He is very vague. If you want to get an answer out of him you will have to be very specific in the way you ask your question because he will give you the run around and not give you the truth. Just a couple of weeks ago we went out to eat and his mom called him. I noticed that in this phone call his mom asked him where he was at, to that he said “out”. I know it could just be the youth-of-today type of thing. But trust me, this happens a lot and not just with his parents.

 

  • Superficial Charm

He’s that type of person that will make you feel part of a conversation. At church everyone loves him. They think he is great. There is no wrong he can do and everyone loves to be around him. He just has that thing makes you want to be around him. But it’s only on the surface. I have seen a glimpse of what he really is. One time I asked him something about him being so liked or social, and to that he said, “yeah I talk to everyone, but I don’t care about them.”

 

  • Great Sense Of Self Worth

The confidence that radiates off of him is something to see. I have never seen him nervous. I have never seen him shaken or scared of something he had to do. Nope. He is so sure of him self. He knows what he needs to do and does it. Its all planned in his head and he knows he will accomplish it. He is never wrong and always knows the correct answer and will always be the first to correct you if you are wrong because he knows that you are, and he knows that he is right.

 

  • Lack Of Remorse & Shallow Emotions

He has a weird obsession with liking turtles. I asked him about it once. He told me that when he was younger, maybe 7 or 8 years old, he had turtles. One day, he grabbed a bat and crushed them all into little pieces. I don’t know why he told me that, but I brushed it off as a super hyper active young kid. Now that I sit here and think of the way he treats his brothers I get shivers down my spine. I hate going to his house because his siblings are always fighting, but what bothers me is when he gets in on it. When the youngest boy is not doing what he is supposed to, my friend will pull his hair until he does. If my friend is fighting with the other older brother, even if he is losing he will not show symptoms of pain. Boys will be boys? One time they were fighting after I had dropped them off, and he grabbed the chain from the front gate and started choking his brother. Sure I felt a little uncomfortable but if that’s what they do, then it’s none of my business. The brother of his had a bruise for the next couple of days.

I have asked him countless times to be more expressive with me. If you read my blog daily you know there have been posts about him lacking any emotion. I swear I don’t know what he is feeling at all. He just is. All he does is exist, if that makes any sense. Ask me what makes him happy, I dare you. I wouldn’t know what to say. He only does the things I like to do, and when I ask him what he wants to do, he always says, “whatever you want.”

 

  • Parasitic Ways

I just mentioned a little about this at the end of the previous paragraph. There has been no time where anything that we have done together has been his idea. Every time we hang out it’s because of me. Where ever we go, I though about it. He just tags along. Does he like it? Does he enjoy doing the activities that we do? Who knows. He doesn’t say. We never talk about his life. It’s always what I am doing, thinking, or feeling. If I don’t say what I am up to, the conversation is bland. He never talks about his days, what he’s up to or what he has done.

I have also noticed, and this is creepy, but at the same time I want to say that its because we talk a lot, but he uses a lot of phrases I use in my vocabulary. I usually like to switch up what I say. Maybe I hear a nice word or a phrase on a show and will randomly say it, he does the same. He copies me. If I stop saying something he will too. I even tested this out this month. When you are asked something that you don’t know that answer to your response is typically “I don’t know”, correct? Well, that is him as well. Instead of that, I started saying “I’m not sure.” He never said these set of words in his life. Two weeks after I had started saying them he said them when I asked him a question he didn’t know the answer to.

 

  • Manipulative

He gets what he wants. It’s like he knows how your brain already works because he knows what to say to get where he wants to go. He’s very smart. He knows what you want. He knows what you will do to get it, and he knows how he can use that to his advantage.

 

 

This is where I will stop. Trust me, there are way more things I can write about. There are so many other traits that he falls into. But these are the main ones. I don’t really know why I am friends with him. This post has really opened my eyes. I’m not saying that I will cut him out of my life, no. I just have to be more careful. It’s hard to be friends with someone like this. Really hard.

Ruined The Friendship

I think I just ended a friendship.

I texted one of my friends that I was going to take a break from talking to him for a while. I told him things are weird and seem a little off. He said that nothing is wrong and everything is fine.

But isn’t that what everyone says to calm down a situation? Like if someone came up to you and just went like – I think I’m going crazy. You’re not going to look at them and be like – oh yeah dude for sure you have been acting wild. No, you’re gonna be sympathetic and be like -nah man it’s all in your head.

I mean I don’t know. I don’t know why I do these things. I feel so inexperienced all the sudden with everything, I’m surprised I don’t forget to breathe sometimes. Or even how to blink.

Let me go back though, so, I know it has to be me. I feel like he’s really been annoying lately. I’m not sure how or even why. But I’m just bugged out by every little thing he says. Maybe I’m under to much stress and everything that’s small just seems really big right now. (That actually could be it to be honest).

We’ve been friends for years on and off. He’s very stubborn, never wrong, and not the most humblest of people. But I look past that. Or I’ve been looking past that. But sometimes it gets on my nerves.

What did I want him to say? I wanted him to be like, -no, I’m still going to text you everyday. We don’t need a break. Or even, -is it something that I did it said? How can I fix it or help? You know what I mean? Something along those lines.

I also feel that we’ve been drifting away. Going separate ways in different directions. I get that. We all grow up and make our own decisions or what ever but god dam its hard. Thought we would always be friends.

No one tells you this stuff. No one tells you you’re going to disconnect with friends. No one warns you. Again, maybe it’s just me. I always like to blame myself and take the fall for stuff. Mainly because it’s mostly my fault at times, but still.

Will I talk to him soon? Maybe. Will he reach out first? I hope.


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What If

Have you ever just been chilling at home, and then suddenly your mind wonders off to a far away distant dimension that’s parallel to the life that you’re living now but only with small differences?

Wow, ok let me simplify that just a bit.

So, you ever wonder how different your life would have been if you did just one thing different? If that one decision you had, the no you said turned into a yes, or the job you didn’t take you took? Where would you be now? What if you had stayed with your first girlfriend/boyfriend? What if you hadn’t moved to that new city you feared so much? Or what if you did take the chance and had moved away from home?

I’m constantly thinking about that stuff. I don’t know if it’s healthy or not, but I’m always living in the what if of life.

What if I just quit my job? What if I just run away? Start a new life? Leave everyone behind? Change my phone number, move somewhere else? Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but you get the picture.

There are a lot of what ifs that I have floating in my head that could have potentially have changed my life drastically in the past. Maybe even now they still could. But that’s the thing with what ifs, that’s all they are. Thoughts, dreams, a picture that slowly fade away with time until you forget about them.

But, what if you never do?


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I’m Going Crazy

Today I got the day off. I am freaking loving it. Well, actually I was. Yesterday I was wondering what I was going to do with all this free time. I was actually having a panic attack trying to find an answer. Did I find one? No. Still haven’t.

So I thought I’d come to my favorite Starbucks and edit one of my YouTube videos. Little did I know what I’d find.

Ok, so first, let me put this out there. Normal people make me uncomfortable. So picture this, a guy sitting at a table, talking to himself, randomly rapping, and then once in a while talking to a toy rabbit the size of a wallet. (Now he’s dancing).

I had to sit right in front of him didn’t I? I didn’t know what was going on. Well, so far he hasn’t done anything that would make me run for the hills, yet, all except for talk to himself. We all do that so don’t act like you don’t. It’s actually very therapeutic. I do it all the time, I just refrain from doing it in public.

Why am I writing about this? I have know clue. It’s whats going, I was going to write about how a friend is pissing me the hell off but we’ll save that juicy content for next post.

Back to our main content, so, I feel like I’m going crazy. I mean, don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not calling the dude in front of me crazy. I’m saying he might have been through some rough stuff that has made him the person he is today. Which is why I can relate.

Lately I haven’t been myself. Lets, be honest. I’ve kind of never been myself. I always filter myself. I filter myself a whole lot to be honest. Different filters for different people. Why? I have no clue it just comes subconsciously. Where am I going with this? I have no clue but stick with me.

I feel that I play a part in peoples life’s of who they want me to be. You know what I mean? Like I am never the main character. I’m the supporting character in everyone life. If I was killed of aka written off their show, the audience wouldn’t mind. Does it make sense now? Ok. And in doing so I have lost who I really am. Like, I play so many different roles that I lost the main character or the one I am actually meant to play in this life.

Its not being fake. I’m the biggest people pleaser you know. I will go out of my way to make you happy. My opinion will change to what ever you want to hear because that’s just the way it happens. Its not that I want to be fake like that, its that I lost my voice.

Rejection is my worst fear. It has swallowed me whole. All my life I have wanted be accepted. But the fact of the matter is that I am different. I have to learn how to accept that there will be times when people will not like what I have to say, there will be times when they will hate what I want to do, what I prefer to do, what I actually want to do.

I’m on an emotional roller coaster again. I can feel it. I can’t wait to get off.


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Thank You, Next

I did it.

I finally had true courage to end this relationship. I’m not sure if it even was a relationship. What ever it was, it’s over.

How do I feel? A little better. But I’m not going to lie here, I do feel a little upset. Some what sad even. I really wanted this to work and I honestly thought it was going to work. We were going to be the best power couple of 2019. But no, it failed. It ended. It’s over.

It’s all her dads fault. Let’s not sugar coat the truth. He got in the way and we let him. He never let her go out, too over protective. What was I going to do or her? I believe myself to be one of the most respectful people I know. I have morals, I have common sense. But sometimes that’s not enough is it?

She cried. Her beautiful cry. Sweet tears dripping down her tan face. Her eyes staring at me in disbelief of what I was saying. I felt terrible. Why would I hurt her like that? What do I hurt people like that? I almost didn’t do it. I almost stopped myself and told me that we could work it out. We could change and make it better . But then I remember how I feel when she can never go out, when I can’t talk to her, all because of her parents.

In the end we shook hands. Like a smooth business deal. Like a deal we made, something that we came to terms with each other. Just like that.

So what’s next? Who’s next?