Yesterday, I went to the mall with one of my good friends. I was actually really concerned for everyone’s safety. As I was walking around I got a glimpse of myself in one of those mirrors they have on those poles. I audibly gasped. My
man boobs were sticking out like concealed weapons. I was shocked I hadn’t physically stabbed some ones eye out with my cones of flesh popping out from under my shirt. Some one should have stopped me, my friend should have told me something! Clearly the shirt that I was wearing was not flattering at all.
I’m not one to go to the mall in the first place, I don’t understand why society thinks that its ok to make a shirt, slap a brand on it, and sell it for an outrageous amount of money, when you can clearly buy the same one or the same pair of jeans for way less with out the brand name. But, I am glad I did go because it gave me the opportunity to actually get a good look at what I have become. So when my friend asked if I wanted to go with him I said sure, I haven’t gone in months, so I went to remind myself why it is that I don’t actually like to go in the first place. I know, my mind is a tricky place.
Lets talk a little about the pictures you just saw. One is a hot, sexy, confident, young man. The other is some one who stress eats all his problems and emotions. And don’t try to tell me other wise, because NO.
In the picture on the left I was at my all time best. That was the summer of last year. The picture on the right is me now, today, about 20 minutes ago. I used to weigh 185, which is exactly what I am supposed to weigh for my age and height. Now I weigh 215. Not really much over weight, just 30 pounds. Well, still a lot, but you get me. Its all located in my gut, breasteses, and my double chins. So, what happened?
Life happened. I went to the gym more than I went to church back then. I wasn’t the lifting weights type of person which is why I don’t look buff. The elliptical was my lover. I loved that hoe. I have week knees so the treadmill always killed me. Back to the subject, I used to go to the gym but then I stopped once my mom was going to get her reconstruction surgery after surviving breast cancer. A little before that I noticed I started eating more and more. Then when her surgery came through I stopped going completely.
She was out for a whole month. I took a month or so off work to take care of her. It took a toll on me, and honestly I got conformable with myself. I told myself that when she was all better I would go back to my regular routine and I would lose all the weight that I would have gained. That didn’t go as planned. I started this friendship with a girl from church and then it turned into something else. I was so stressed. My moms surgery, work, the girl, and other things were all on my back. I looked for help and comfort and I found it in hot greasy carne assada fries. (If you don’t know what that is, we need to hang out ASAP).
But today I woke up with hope. I woke up feeling some thing that I haven’t felt in a while. I need to take care of myself. I haven’t been. For the longest time I have been taking care of everyone else. I have been the person that they want me to be because I didn’t want to disappoint them. In reality, who are they? Who really are they? They made me feel terrible. Terrible enough that I couldn’t control what and how much I put in my mouth. Not intentionally, but I still let them.
Well that’s over. I’ts time I take back what is rightfully mine. My life. And I need to put this out there and on here to keep myself in check. If I never say it, I’ll never do it. I’ll check back at and see where my progress is at.
My life starts NOW.