Thank You, Next

I did it.

I finally had true courage to end this relationship. I’m not sure if it even was a relationship. What ever it was, it’s over.

How do I feel? A little better. But I’m not going to lie here, I do feel a little upset. Some what sad even. I really wanted this to work and I honestly thought it was going to work. We were going to be the best power couple of 2019. But no, it failed. It ended. It’s over.

It’s all her dads fault. Let’s not sugar coat the truth. He got in the way and we let him. He never let her go out, too over protective. What was I going to do or her? I believe myself to be one of the most respectful people I know. I have morals, I have common sense. But sometimes that’s not enough is it?

She cried. Her beautiful cry. Sweet tears dripping down her tan face. Her eyes staring at me in disbelief of what I was saying. I felt terrible. Why would I hurt her like that? What do I hurt people like that? I almost didn’t do it. I almost stopped myself and told me that we could work it out. We could change and make it better . But then I remember how I feel when she can never go out, when I can’t talk to her, all because of her parents.

In the end we shook hands. Like a smooth business deal. Like a deal we made, something that we came to terms with each other. Just like that.

So what’s next? Who’s next?

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Whatever This Thing Is

Let’s talk about my relationship.

Or better said, let me tell you how awful what ever this thing I have with this one girl is. Is it a relationship? She’s grown but her parents don’t let her do anything. Religion involved? Nope, none. Religion has nothing to do with it. Her dad is just something that I can’t put in words.

We were going to hang out this weekend after not hanging out or spending time with each other after maybe almost a month. She told her father a week before and then he decides to make a BBQ on and at the same time we were going to go out.

God I hate him. I don’t like him. At all. Can you tell? I don’t want to deal with him, I didn’t. So I didn’t go. Now my girlfriend is all sad and what not because of it. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything involving her anymore.

I just want this to end. I want it over. This relationship has only hurt me more than anything else. More then make me happy. I’ve cried buckets, I’ve been in agony. All this leading to a point of feeling absolutely nothing.

If the situation was different. If her dad wasn’t such an A hole. If she has more liberty. Maybe if she even showed a little more interest in me. But no. This has to end before it ends me.

Over Protective

I’ve had relationships that have lasted less then two weeks but felt like years. I’ve had long distance relationships, and I’ve had relationships that I didn’t even want to be in. But the one I’m in right now is by far the one that beats the rest on so many levels.

This thing that I have going right now is insane. First I had issues with her expressing herself the way I wanted her too. For me that was a deal breaker, but I stayed. I really liked her, even still. But now this, her family getting involved. A little too over involved.

Ok, I get it. Sometimes the family likes to get involved when their daughter or sister is dating the new guy. I’d understand if they didn’t know who I was, or didn’t even know my mom. But they know her and they know me. What more do they want from me? I treat her well, I am respectful towards her, and I don’t ask if her anything that is inappropriate.

Her father is very over possessive. I’ve actually never seen a father like this. The girl is twenty and still needs permission to leave the house. She still has a curfew and technically can’t leave the city without her parents. This irritates me to the core!

Her mother told her today that she’d like for her to text me less, call me less, and see me less. Um hello? How the hell are we supposed to date? Let alone get to know each other? Can a parent explain? I treat her parents with the up most respect that my bones can handle and they still find me untrustworthy.

I wanted this to work, I thought it was, and she was finally putting her part into making it work too. But now her parents are getting in the way. Am I doing something wrong? Why are they so over protective? Am I the issue here? I’m a magnet that attracts problems in what ever I do.

Love, Affection, And Attention

I had a talk with my girlfriend just some hours ago about her showing more affection in our relationship. I’m not pushing her to do anything physical, all I’m asking is for her to tell me how she feels. I want to know if she’s happy or sad or mad or something, anything! Just tell me how you feel!

I’ve mentioned before on how I feel as if I’m dating a rock. And it does honestly make me feel that way. Sure, when we were friends it was fun and I really enjoyed being around her but now that we are in a relationship it’s different, or at least for me it should have been. I thought things would change but I still feel as if I’m just a simple little old friend.

But thanks to her I see what I want in a relationship. I want love, affection, and attention. I want someone who will make me a priority just as I have to them. Someone who wants to talk to me as much as I want to talk to them. I want a connection, I want chemistry. And what I have now is not that.

I told her I don’t want to continue on like this but when she started to cry I caved in and agree to try a little more. And I honestly will. Maybe she does need time, or maybe she needs something else? I’m not sure but I know what I want and she doesn’t.

I’m giving her a month to see what happens. I don’t expect things to change but in the course of our conversation she pretty much explained to me how she doesn’t see herself changing and she really doesn’t need cheesy acts of love in her life and she’s fine with me not doing those things. The problem is I want to do those things and I want those feelings reciprocated like just about anyone else.

Putting it in my head that this isn’t gonna work out will help me leave her for sure this time. And also distancing myself from her little by little bit at the same time being super nice, this will help us heal better and maybe it will be good to just go back to being friends.

My best friend doesn’t want me to end it. He says it can work out, but can it? I don’t know. We have very different view points in many things and as much as I’ve tried to get this going I always seem to have a problem with something. So maybe it’s me? But I won’t use that excuse because I’m always the one compromising.

Anyway those are my thoughts for right now. Of course they can change because usually they do, can’t help but be myself.

You

Why do you do that?

Why do you give yourself to people you know will end up hurting you in the end? Why do you instill all your trust in them as if they had a good reason to have it?

Why do you sit there and cry over things that maybe don’t have any meaning behind. You over think things and make them worse.

Then you come to find out it’s not even what you were thinking about. Why? Why do you do that?

Why do you hurt yourself? Is it for fun or to numb the feelings that you feel inside? Maybe it’s to just pass the time. Why do you hide that hurt like it’s something to be ashamed of?

You’re not ok, why do you bother? Get help. Wait, they don’t help. They’ve tried but it’s not enough. What is enough? Why do you make excuses? Just do it. It’s honestly really annoying. Time after time you always say you’re doing great then randomly say you have anxiety.

Attention is what you seek. Let’s be real. Everyone can see it. It’s written all over your face. You say all you want is love but what you seek is something else.

You need to stop expressing yourself like that. No one wants to hear it anyway. They’re just being nice.

Another relationship you burst into flames because your gasoline tears smothered the foundation of that relationship. I think your bipolar. You shouldn’t date, just stay alone. At least that way you can say it’s by choice and not that your exes say you’re hard to deal with.

But any who, who am I to advise. I’m the same way.