I went to the gym today. Instead of getting off my car, like a normal person would, I stayed there in the parking lot for about 30 minutes contemplating life. Why? Well, wouldn’t we all like to know.
The cars passed by unaware of what I was going through. Its funny how the world still continues when our brains have stopped to think about nonsense. Nothing will ever be placed on hold for you, its a sad reality but its true.
I didn’t plan this sudden burst of anxiety. Like usual it comes out of the blue and its uninvited. I packed my gym bag, took my brother to his job, and then I headed to the gym with the intention to go hard and be fit. Why is it that I couldn’t get off my car?
I fucking hate anxiety. Hate it. It stops me from doing things that are so simple to some people. At the end of the day its still my fault, I haven’t been taking my medication the correct way.
SO, you can basically say that this post is pointless, “just take your god dam pills and get over yourself.” I hear you say. You have a valid point. I am self destructing at this point, I don’t even know why I do it honestly. But sometimes it sounds like there are a lot of little Me’s in my head and they all want me to do what they tell me to.
I need to get back to taking them how they are supposed to be taken. I just hate the fact that I have to depend on them or else I feel like shit.
Why can’t I just be normal like everyone else?