I Didn’t Get the Job

So I didn’t get the job. But what else is new?

At this point I think its my interviewing skills. They are not what they need to be. I think that I have a good initial personality, I come off really nice and sweet. That’s not what employers look for. Once they start asking the real questions that’s where I think I fall short.

I’m really desperate to find a full time job at the moment because I want to help my fiance save money for our future. Right now we are ok, and I use that very lightly because we are barley making ends meet but at the same time we aren’t missing anything either.

The thing is that I only work part time, it would be wonderful to work full time. Not to mention I drive 45 minutes to get to work, so finding something a lot closer would defiantly help me save on gas.

I like the place I work at, but there is just too much down time for me. I know a lot of people would love to work at a place where they rarely do anything, but that’s just not me. I want to be doing something, keep me busy, that kind of stuff. I ask for more tasks but they are so small that I have to extend them just so they can last me the time that I am there during the day.

I know I may be asking for a lot because of our current world situation. But that’s not going to stop me from trying to live my dream.

100+ Aplicants

Trying to find a job is hard on its own, now trying to find a job in a Corona Virus world is even harder.

I have been applying to jobs for about two weeks now. I updated my resume and made it look really pretty and what now. I went on indeed and started shooting it at some job postings.

It wasn’t until a couple days ago that Indeed has this new feature that tells you how many people have applied to the same position you did. At first I thought this was a good idea, it would let me know how many people I was up against, until I saw the number.

The thing is that it only lets you see how many people have applied after you have applied. So I applied to some posting and then went back to check on the status. Some of them said 10-100 applicants which is really vague, it could be 15 or it could be 95 they could have been more specific.

But when I checked another posting I had applied to, it had said 100+ applicants. I was surprised that so many people are applying to the same job. I was even more surprised when I got a call from the company saying they wanted to set up an interview.

I low-key felt good that I was called for an interview, I mean out of 100+ people the odds are good. Nevertheless, who ever I do end up interviewing along side with could have more qualifications than I do. This year alone I have been to several interviews and not gotten called back, hopefully its not me that is the issue and its that they found some one better.

Be that as it may, I hope I get this next job, and I hope I like it. I really need a full time job right now.

Furiously Expensive

Why is California so expensive?

My boyfriend and I talked about moving out of his moms house today. We searched for some homes and cheap homes, mobile homes, and anything that was in our “budget”. But oh my gosh everything is worth two or more body parts to purchase, why is that?

Even the rent is furiously expensive. One studio apartment is $1,000+ a month. How the hell are we going to ever move out if these are the types of prices?

Last weekend we went to one of my friends dinner and they were talking about how they are already looking to purchase a home out of state. They’re job will allow them to transfer which is awesome. They just can’t take how expensive Cali is anymore.

I’ve been noticing that lately. Everyone is moving away. I never actually thought of leaving this state. I mean I have had no issues. I could say that the weather sucks sometimes but I’m sure some other people have it worse.

We are fed up with living in a little space. I mean sure its his moms house but that’s just it, its his moms house, not ours. We have no liberty here. Its not a complaint its just honesty, and we understand, its not ours.

I think for now all we can do is save, as much as we can, and then see what happens in the future.

Some Good News

This Monday I received a call from my (old) internship. I didn’t answer the first time because I’m scared of phone calls like a cat is scared of a cucumber, but I got in touch with them a little later and they offered me a part time job.

This was some good news, I mean after everything that is going on it’s nice to have something good happen for once right?

Although, I did think about it. It wasn’t and instant yes! Take me now! no, it was more of a well, sure if you guys are busy type of deal. The thing is that the Job (feels weird calling it that now) is about 40 minutes away. Its a drive, but on the bright side there is no traffic at all, never has been and now that many people are at home I doubt there will even be cars on the road but we will see, I don’t want to jinx myself.

Anyways, that was one factor, the drive. Then I started thinking about the pay, would I get paid well? Not sure, not even now that I accepted the job. They told me to think of a number and then we would talk about it when I go in for orientation. I have been researching what the average pay is for what I will be doing, then it will be determined by them if they accept that number or not.

It’s part time for now, only two days out of the week. I still have school the other three so I can’t work those days until I graduate in the beginning of June.

What else was I going to do? Looking for a job right now is kind of hard, specially with my schedule. Maybe this could turn into a full time job, or maybe it’s a stepping stone to the next chapter of my life, where ever that may be.

But I am very grateful that they thought of me and that they even considered hiring me for a part time job. I feel really good about myself, and I love the fact that they really enjoyed having me when I was with them for my internship, even if the internship was very short lived.

Day by Day

How is everyone doing with the quarantine?

You would think that just being home and being bored would make me want to post on here more often but that is not the case. I have been having a little bit of a writers block, or maybe nothing is going on in my life at the moment.

Since my last post I have started doing school from home as the rest of the country has. It has been really interesting how everything is happening. Its kind of a work in progress.

I have stopped applying to all jobs. Last week I was flooded with emails of places where I had applied to saying that the job that they had posted was being canceled do to what’s going on in the world. So with that I kind of stopped all together, for now I just have to really budget and hope that my credit cards don’t suffer as much in the end. I know I’m not the only one being affected by all this but I didn’t even have a job to begin with.

I feel really unhealthy too, they’ve shut down my gym. I have been eating really bad too so that doesn’t add any good to it. I kind of lost a little bit of hope in everything if I’m being honest. But I take it day by day, and I’m hanging in there, just like everyone else.

Broke to Immensely in Debt

The unemployment system sucks ass.

First off, the pay sucks, second if you have any concerns or questions about your case or what ever it is you are trying to solve don’t even bother calling because all you will get is an answering machine, there is literally no option to speak to a real breathing person. Not to mention their only window to call is 8 am to 12 pm.

This is has been my life for the past couple of weeks. My unemployment is all gone, used up. So I have gone from being broke to immensely in debt. My credit cards are slowly going to start maxing out, and then I’ll start freaking out.

I have been applying to jobs for weeks now, I’m starting to think that my resume is not one of the best, even though my teacher helped me on it.

What I’m looking for is a part time job. I have school, I have my internship, and then I want to spend time with my boyfriend. Yet, I can’t get a job. I lost count of all the places I have applied to, its ridiculous.

I have thought of going to a work agency, but I have stopped myself because of my availability. They would have to find some where really special for me.

I already talked it with my boyfriend, letting him know that if and when I get a job we might have to see each other less. He was cool about it, more cooler that I wish he would have been but maybe he needs a break from my crazy needy ass.

I could try to add an extension to my unemployment, but I am so over them. I have had so many issues with them in the beginning of the whole process and I really don’t want to go through all that again, I’d rather get a job. Even if I have to loose sleep.

My internship is over in a couple of months, I have worked two jobs before and they have lasted just as long, so I figure I can do it again, which is why I’m looking for a night job or something.

At this point I’m willing to sell my kidney.

Another Surgery, Another Interview

I had a really long day the other day, Friday.

My mom had yet another surgery, and I had another job interview. There was also no food in the fridge so we needed that as well. For the most part my morning was super hectic.

These surgeries are getting to feel numb to me. When my mom tells me she has another one in a couple of weeks I already know the routine.

She wont eat 12 hours ahead, we wake up at the peak of dawn, drive to the hospital, register in, go upstairs, then register me as the “driver”, sit and wait to be called in, get called and she changes into a gown, wait a little more and then go into yet another room where the surgeons talk and the anesthesiologist lets my mom know she is in safe hands, she then gets a really small dose of the anesthesia, and then bam, shes rolled away to the OR and in surgery and I’m left waiting until they call me.

To some these seem like a lot, but to me its just a simple doctor visit. I wish it didn’t sound as cruel as it sounded but even for my mom its become a part of life, as if its a thing everyone goes through. She wasn’t even nervous this time around, she was a boss, she walked with confidence and was eager to just be done with it.

This feeling of “insensitivity” (which is not even an accurate definition of the feeling) doesn’t make the experience any less sucky. We still hate that she has to go through all of this, granted she is cancer free now and has been for 3 years, but the after math this thing causes is so bad. The good part is that its over for now and shes back home happily sleeping and dreaming in drug land with unicorns and talking butterflies.

Meanwhile, I had to go to an interview. I left the hospital as soon as they took her in and went grocery shopping. This isn’t the first time I leave when shes under surgery. My thought is sure I can stay but what is that going to do? Am I going to help the Surgeons? Plus, I need to keep my brain busy or else it wonders and then I can’t find it.

I bought the groceries we needed and headed home to put them away and change to go to my interview. I wasn’t nervous and I wasn’t excited, I was rushing with everything that I didn’t even have time to feel. It was the only slot they had and it was unfortunately around the same time that my mom was in surgery.

Now, lets talk about the interview. They really don’t scare me. You either like me or you don’t, period. Yes, I’m going to talk good about myself and sell you the best person that you can possible hire, but I’m not going to sell myself out either.

The position that they posted said “customer service” and the description had something to do with being the middle man between the company and the clients. I thought I was going to get a desk and a phone. But no, the lady who interviewed me and another girl (I guess they decided to do a two for one special) told us that we would be placed in stores and walk around and ask people if they want solar panels. WTF. THEN PUT THAT IN YOUR FUCKING DESCRIPTION LADY.

Before entering the interview, me and the other person getting interviewed started talking in the waiting room. She said how she can’t stand jobs that post that they are customer service jobs but its actually marketing. That you have to go out door to door and sell things, or make cold calls. She didn’t want that, I don’t either, boy were we in for a surprise.

Once I picked up my mom and came home, I received a call from the secretary of the company that said that the interviewer really liked me and would like me to return for a one on one interview for the next step. I politely declined.

I don’t know if this makes sense but I’ll say it anyways, on some days I am a people person and on others I don’t even want to talk to the voices in my head. So no, I could not take the job.

So there’s that. I am not upset and I don’t think I am sad, I just feel blah. Like ugh what can I do? That’s just life. I almost ate my feelings by going to Starbucks and ordering something super sweet and unhealthy, but I didn’t.

Because I remembered, I don’t have a job, and I don’t have any money.

Back To The Grind

I’m back home. *cries*

I spent almost two weeks at my boyfriends house for Christmas and New Years. I have to say it was a great vacation, and just like mostly everyone, now its back to the real life.

Coming back home I thought things would feel different. Usually when I am gone for so long things seem to feel off or not just right when I come back, sometimes old things just feel new. But its as if I was only gone for a day. I’m not really sure if that’s just how time flies by now or if I really didn’t miss being home.

Tomorrow I go back to school and on Wednesday I have my first internship interview. I was emailed on my winter break by my teacher notifying me to be ready. The interview is at a nonprofit organization in the next town over. I would have preferred it to be closer since I wont be getting paid for it but I have to remember that I need to do this for the experience.

I have been sick with a fever and some body aches since last Thursday, which has not been fun, and I’m really hopping it all goes away by the time I have my interview. Today I just woke up with a sore throat.

I have to unpack all my things, take a warm shower, buy medicine, and then go shop for some ‘business attire’ since I have to dress Gucci now. (Hello more debt).

Unpacking is so sad. Like, you come back home from having a good time and realize the party is over. The good times are all finished and it all just seems like a dream. Like you woke up and you have to try your best not to forget the small details and all the good moments that happened. Ugh its all so sad. But we can’t dwell on it.

That’s just life isn’t it? Well, back to the grind.

This Is Life

Just when I think life is going great, it likes to remind me that it still has a sense of humor. What would we be with out a little help from life when we feel like we are on cloud nine?

So, in my last post I said how I felt everything was (is) going great in my life right now. I don’t think that I am at my prime, but I am very content with how things are going. Friday though, I got a little reminder that this life is no fairly tale.

I was going to pay my bills when I noticed I didn’t have any money. Yikes, I know. Money, money, money, don’t you just hate it? Without it you can nearly not do anything. It doesn’t buy happiness but it sure does pay the bills, am I right?

Well, turns out they stopped my Unemployment benefits for about a month. I don’t know why, and I don’t even remember getting a notice saying they were going to do so, that’s the government for you.

Anyways I reopened my claim. I have a feeling it was probably something I did or didn’t do. I did get a notice that I didn’t have to be reporting that I was looking for work anymore because I was going to school but I most likely still needed at least one more week of reporting before that took in effect. I hope that’s the case and this gets resolved as fast as it can be. In the end if it doesn’t I’ll just have to look for a part time job.

I am very proud of how I’m handling this situation. The old me would have freaked out, possibly had a minor anxiety attack. How am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to pay for gas to go to school? Social life? All these things did pop up in my head. But this time I sat myself down and thought, this isn’t the end of the world. You don’t have money, you’re not dying. Looking back at my past experiences and seeing how I was so worried and in most cases nothing really happened, I really saved myself the worry this time.

The thing about looking at a problem is not worrying about it, of course, you’re not going to just brush it off your shoulder like it doesn’t mean anything, no. What I mean is that you are going to look past it and find a solution. That’s what I did. I reopened my claim. If that doesn’t work then I’ll get a part time job.

I don’t want to be stuck in a cycle of worry and anxiety. I want to get up, look up, and be strong and move on from whatever problem I face. Because this is life, and there are going to be tons of problems, its how I see them and over come them that makes life great.