My Face Reflects Calmness And Peace

It is oficial. My mother’s reconstruction Breast surgery will be the 21st of this month. As happy I am for her I am also really scared.

We met with the surgeons and anesthesiologist who will be in the operating room the day of the surgery. They explained everything that they will be doing, the risks, and the benefits of the surgery.

Basically they will be taking part of the stomach tissue along with a vein or artery and be placing it where her breast was once at. To do so they have to remove a rib to get an artery connection.

This surgery will take about ten hours. If all goes well she will be in the hospital under intensive care for three to five days. Then she will be released and be in bed rest for about a month.

Some of the risks include; the artistes getting clogged up, a hernia, and losing too much blood causing death.

But we are optimistic. Well at least my mom is. I’m staying to say string for her but at the same time I’m screaming on the inside. I’m crying and throwing things around. My mind is one of the worst hurricanes in human history. But my face reflects calmes and peace.

She is strong. I am strong. I have never met anyone in my life as strong as my mother. Her faith moves me. Her strength makes me continue. Her live fuels me. She is one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. I hope to never forget that.

Crossroads

Sexuality has always been a big part of my life. Not because I'm a sexual man whore going around trying to get in everyone's pants. I mean in the way that I have always been trying to figure out who I am and what I like. Of course sexuality does not defy who you are, that's not what I'm saying, but nonetheless it's a huge part of what makes you, you.

So in the past and even until now I've always gone back and forth from being gay to straight and vice versa. I feel one way at one point in my life then I feel completely the opposite. I'm probably broken, or like missing a wire. I even came to believe that maybe I was pansexual and just fell in love with people's personalities.

Now I'm at a crossroads. I don't know what to do. Well now that that's out let me go into further detail.

There's this girl at work on second shift, she's extremely beautiful. Way over my league, but for some crazy reason she likes me? She thinks I'm 'cute'. Which makes me laugh because I haven't been called that since I was in my late teens.

So the problem is this; should I go on with the flirting? Should I go along with the texts? The smiley faces? Should I spend time getting to know her? What if this ends all bad? What if in the end I truly don't like her? I don't want to lead her on just because someone has finally should the slightest interest in me.

On the other side of the coin there's the possibility of actually falling in love. Of actually having some one who understands and likes to be around me. An actual relationship. With like two people. LoL. Am I that desperate for affection? For attention? Is it shallow? I have no clue. I've dated both girls and guys and I have had feelings for both so maybe in the end I'm just bisexual?

You know what? I'm not going to label it. Because in the end we are all people and love is love. I can't chose who I fall in love with. If it happens it happens and if it doesn't we'll that's because it's wasn't meant to be. I'm young and I have to start taking risks.