Dating, Already?

I don’t know if it is too soon to be thinking about this, I mean I have only been single for about just two days now. But, (and let me know if this makes sense or not but) I feel like mentally I have been single for a while. If that’s too mean or insensible for me to say well I’m sorry but I’m not sorry, because it’s what I feel and it’s the truth.

What’s next for me? Should I move on and start dating right away? Should I go out and meet knew people in the hopes that something will flourish and I will fall desperately in love? Or should I take some time for myself and be happy being alone? Should I take time to get to know me? I feel good about myself. This is the first time in my whole life I finally feel good in my own skin. Should I date myself? You know “treat myself“?

These are all good questions I should have asked myself before I aggressively downloaded about five dating apps at once. Before I knew it I had uploaded all of my “best taken” pictures and selfies and I spent countless hours swiping left and right switching back and forth between apps.

It was a massive intense work out for my fingers. My eyes became dry from not blinking. I have to admit that it was sort of nostalgic, though. I felt like a drug addict going back to drugs after being away from them for so long. The rush was there.

I had to stop myself after a while. I spent my whole morning in bed forgetting what time I started and noticing that it was almost noon and I still hadn’t eaten. Of course, I didn’t make any good connections (don’t know why I said “of course” like I’m some kind of ogre that no one would want to date… but now I’m questioning that theory, for that exact reason).

But, again, I sat and thought to myself;

What the fuck is up with you? Why are you so desperate to find someone to date? Didn’t you just get out of a fucking relationship? Are you scared to be alone? Why do you feel the need to have someone by your side? Why do you feel the need to have someone to feel like a valid person? Is it validation that you are looking for? Or just the thought have having someone?

These questions really got to me. And if you know me you know I over think, but this time it was different. These questions are honest questions that I needed to ask myself. I mean, how many people do you know that go off and look for another person 2.0 seconds after just getting out of a relationship? I think that its super unhealthy, at least for me in my opinion.

What’s my conclusion? Well, I’m deleting the apps from my phone. I realize right now is not the time to start dating yet. I think I want to take some time to reflect on myself. Even though, like I said, I feel really good about who I am as a person, there are still so many things I can learn about myself, not to mention the personal growth I can do as well. I can focus on school and my friends. If someone happens to come along in my daily life and is worth me getting to know I’m not going to push them to the side. Things happen fo a reason, right?

I’m ready for this new chapter in my life. I’m excited to finally be me. I’m excited to finally be happy.

School/Gym

September is here and this week has already gone by so fast.

 

So, I started school at the begging of the week. Its been nice so far I don’t have any complaints. (I know that I will so stay tuned for those).

The classroom that I am in isn’t filled with a lot of students, which is good. That way the teacher can focus with less of us and spend more time individually with us if she needs to. Speaking of a teacher, I love mine. I am so glad the one that I got is one that cares for her students and wants the best for us. She said that if we go home without even one of us not learning something that day then she feels as if she didn’t do her job correctly as a teacher. That makes me feel like she really cares about getting through to us.

My classmates are pretty nice so far. I haven’t had any conflict with them so we will see how long that lasts (lol). Funny thing, I’m the only guy in the class, which I was concerned with at the beginning but now I have grown to like it.

I know some basic skills that I picked up at my last job. Its crazy, who would have thought that what I leaned at that job was actually going to stay with me till now and possibly the future? Because of that I am, and I’m not bragging, the best in the class so far. I find myself helping my peers around me with what they don’t understand. I don’t mind. It keeps me from forgetting the steps and what not.

As far as I can tell, I really enjoy that class, the teacher, and everyone else in the class. I think that if it keeps going like this it will be an easy ride to the finish line. But I know that it is too soon to tell.

In other news, I got a gym member ship. I know, way to throw that news right out there. I never thought that I would go back but my shins and my knees have been hurting so bad that I decided I needed new form of exercise other than just running. I looked into two gyms and went for the one that would give me a student discount. Ultimately, its a good gym, I say even though I’ve only been there once.

That’s been my week so far. I hope it stays this productive.

I’m Ready To Get My Education On

So it has happened. (Is that even correct grammar?).

*Drum roll*

I know this isn’t as exciting for you as it is for me, but why don’t you just let me enjoy this moment as long as I can. That’s a statement not a question by the way.

News: I got in school. 

I am so excited! I know people don’t usually get excited for school but I’m ready to get my education on. I think it was about two days ago that I was called by my career coach from the unemployment offices that I was approved to be financially covered for school.

Without this help I wouldn’t have been able to go back. Actually, untrue. I still would have gone. But I would have gotten in grave debt. I need this education. Even though its not your IV league school or a degree that will get me the most well paid job. Still, for me its something big. Its education nonetheless.

I value education. I just never had the opportunity to get it. I know that sounds like, oh sure, everyone can get an education you probably didn’t try hard enough to get it. Lies. Sometimes you just can’t go to school. For what ever the reason is. Its just not the right time, maybe you have to be the provider for your family, or other reasons, and that’s ok.

I’m so very great full that I was able to get this opportunity. I will try my best to make the most of it.

I’m ready, I’m excited.

Busy Beaver

What a busy Monday.

I haven’t been a little busy beaver in a while. It was a good busy though, not the rip-your-hair-out-make-it-stop type of busy. I had my moments of frustration, yes, and I am currently starving because I have been up and around all day, but aside from that. For breakfast I only ate a sandwich with a turkey patty my mom had cooked in the ungodly morning hours she woke up at. I’ll have to go buy me a burger as a prize for the good boy I have been today. That sentence is all types of wrong.

Anyway, I went to the unemployment office in another city in the morning. The one that is closest to me gave me an appointment for the beginning of September. SEPTEMBER. No. Just no. I need to get things moving. I called the one that was a city over and they said they took walk ins. Perfect.

Funny thing is that I didn’t have everything I needed. But the 45 minute drive was nice. Belting out a good song or 20 while watching the cows on the side of the road is pretty therapeutic. I hope I didn’t scare any.

I had to drive back to town and get the info I needed from home. I also had to print some documents out at the library since I don’t have a printer at home. Soon I was headed back to the unemployment offices and the cows had no other option than see me zoom by.

Everything seemed to be going well, perfect I’d say. But that’s always how it seems. There was a mistake on one of the documents that my school had provided me. So I also had to go back to school and have them change it.

Guess what? They already had. It was no ones fault actually. The information was taken from a government website that both the EDD office and the school use. It was just having a glitch. The person who could fix my paper work had already left for the day, but the people at the school really tried their best to help. Even the vice principal came out of her office and spoke to my career coach.

Did I explain why I needed to do all this? No huh? It’s all ramble and nonsense. Uh, well, so I don’t quality for financial aid from the federal government. But since I am unemployed they have benefits that can pay for my school. And today I almost did the impossible for that to happen, but as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. It was built in two. SO, I have the rest of tomorrow to get all this paperwork situated.

I also had to write an essay on why I needed the financial help and how it was going to help me. All this seems boring and trust me it was somewhat, that’s why I needed to get it done. Plus, school starts in two weeks and I need to have everything ready in time.

If I don’t get approved for what ever weird reason, or if the universe decides it would be a nice little joke, I will have a meltdown.

School

Going back to school is hard. Not impossible, but very hard.

First you have to think of what school you want to attend. You also have to research the school and make sure it is a good one, not to mention the fact that they should have the classes that you want and or need for what ever it is that you want to end up doing.

Money. You have to love and hate it. They say money doesn’t buy you happiness but is sure as hell going to buy you an education. School is expensive, if someone told you other wise they are lying. The good thing is that you can find a lot of financial help, you just have to look for it.

Wednesday I went to a tour of a college I was interested in. Long story short, I hated it. The counselor (or what ever her job was) lady, was very unspecific and would never get to the point of the question she was asked. So I go up and left.

I researched the hell out of the next schools I was interested in. I narrowed it down to three. I checked reviews, testimonies, I looked at their credentials, I even took it as far as calling in and seeing how I would be treated on the phone by who ever answered.

I finally narrowed it down to one school and I went for that one. I made an appointment for an orientation which included a math and reading test (which I passed with flying numbers, I know I was shocked too). I got a tour of the school and even a little back ground info of the teacher that I would be with.

Over all it was a really good experience. I was hella nervous. Why? Because that’s just my personality trait now. But, I went and it went really well.

I will be attending the school for about ten months. I will get and certificates to be able to do office work ect ect. One of the main reasons I chose this school is that they partner with business and have internships. They’re graduation rate and after school employment rate is really high. Its very disappointing hearing people study for so long and once they are finished with school they can’t find employment. That was one of my biggest concerns too.

Another thing I really liked is that all the tools will be provided. I will just have to pay the tuition. That’s where things get a little dicey. I am not a citizen (YET), but I am legal to be here so back off trump. I have been here since I was one year old, so this is all I know.

With that being said, I don’t qualify for federal financial aid what so ever. But since I am unemployed there should be help that I can receive. According to the people at the school I went to. I already made an appointment to go to the unemployment offices on Monday. If not I’m sure there are many other forms of financial help I can pursue. What matters is that I go to school, and I’m going.

Everything is moving really fast but at the same time it is moving rather slow, if you know what I mean. I need to get my school transcripts and it looks like those wont come in the mail within five days, even though I’d like them now.

But hopefully everything starts working out for the best and life just moves along like it always does.