A Better Beginning

A week from today I will be unemployed.

I’m excited. I know someone who’s losing a job usually freaks out, but ever since I knew it was coming I really sat down to think about it.

Maybe I’m in a state of shock? Who knows. I feel fine. I feel good. If my job was a place I would enjoy going to then maybe I’d be more preoccupied in not leaving or getting laid off.

This week my employer notified the unemployment offices about the mass lay off. They came in and had some few presentations that were very helpful.

At the end of the day, with all this new information, and from what I had previously wanted and thought about, I came to a conclusion. Going back to school.

I’ll have an income, thanks to the unemployment. It won’t be much but I’ll manage. And there are many forms of help I can receive for schooling. Not sure what I want to do at the moment, but I do know that this is the time I can do it.

I can’t waste my time sitting at home or jumping right into the next job. This is a great opportunity. That’s why I’m not scared. That’s why I don’t mourn this loss. Because it isn’t one. It’s an ending yes. But an ending that leads to another beginning. A better beginning.

Talking To Myself

I had a long talk with myself the other day. I was in the state of mind where I was lingering, waiting for life to show me the correct way I should be going towards. Usually, with time things come around and you find out what you need to be doing, or changing.

This wasn’t working this time. Time was passing. Days were flying by. Nothing was happening. So I sat. Turned off my music, and I listened to myself for the first time in a long while.

What do I want? Well, I want to be happy. Ever since I have left my ex religion I have a sense of feeling free. I feel liberated. Light. I’m scared to jump, maybe I’ll float away in the clouds. But all in a good way.

How can I be happy? Doing what I want, as long as no one else is harmed of course. I’m not saying setting fire to homes and breaking into banks. I mean going out with friends, having a good time, getting to do things I was once told I couldn’t do, because it would hurt Them, and of course Him.

Who makes you happy? I am the only one that can make myself happy. Sure, I feel happy when I’m surrounded by people I love and want to be with. But happiness has to come from me. If not, I’d be sad and depressed when I’d be left alone, and that’s not what I want either.

Do I want to get back together with my ex? Yes.

Am I bisexual? Pan sexual? Heteroromatic? I have no clue. I know I want to be with my ex. Emotionally, physically, and even if it sounds shallow, yes sexually. Do I still find men attractive? Yes. A friend told me the other day. A straight man, will be straight. Marry a woman. But that does not mean he will not find other woman attractive. That doesn’t mean he’s cheating on his wife either. It just means he’s human.

Can I date my ex, even when she is still in that religion? Yikes. This was a hard one. I thought about this one. But I left it up to her. I told her what follows; They will tell you not to date me. They will tell you I’m under Satans control and that I am a bad influence. If you continue they’ll talk behind your back, they’ll whisper. They won’t trust you. They might even take some church privileges away. If you want to date me, go ahead. But, I don’t go to church, I don’t see them outside of church, I’m never around them. But you are. You’re the one that has to deal with them. And I will not live like them anymore. I have my own rules, my freedom. If that’s what you want, it’s your choice.

She said she didn’t care. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. But I miss her.

What’s next? Unemployment. School. I want to go back and learn something, anything really. I will look at my options and figure something out.

As a side note. Everything’s been settle. I know it’s the calm before the storm but I’m not worried for some reason. I’m ready to take on what ever is next. For now I’m good. Good where I stand.

Insignificant Week

Last year during this exact weekend I was on a road trip with two of my good friends. Sadly I had a falling out with one of them. We tried to fix our issues and we did, but that still doesn’t make us the best of friends, we’re still very much distant. It is nice remembering those times. I love road trips. I haven’t been on one in a while and it makes me feel trapped.

If you live in America (USA) you know that today is Memorial day. Since it is a national holiday here most people have the day off. Which is great. I did too. Since I will be out of a job in a couple of months I decided to take my vacation now. I had acquired four days and I decided to put them in this week to complete a full week off.

There hasn’t been much work at my job lately. I was off for two days last week because of that. So I thought I might as well put in a full week and get paid for it. Our boss told us that it is only going to get slower. For me, I don’t mind it. As long as I get at least four hours of work a day that’s fine. It’s like a part time job.

The issue is that I have nothing to do. I already finished what I was binge watching on Netflix. I did start watching this show called The Society. I’ts honestly really good. It’s about these school kids that go on a field trip or something far away, the night falls and the driver says that they have to go back home because the roads are closed, when they get back, there are no parents, there are no adults, there’s no one. Just them. They try to leave but the roads that lead out of town are now blocked by woods that seemed to have been there forever but weren’t there yesterday. I recommend it.

Also, my best friend is in Cancun these whole week. One of the church elders had invited him last summer. He saved up and I’m pretty sure whatever he wasn’t able to pay for his parents chipped in like they always do. I can’t say that I feel any different about it though. It’s like he’s not even gone. I only see him at church, and when I say see him, that’s exactly what I mean. It’s been weird between us for a while now, not sure what to make of that.

So, there really isn’t much for me to do this week but just chill. The weather is going to be one of the best so far this year. It’s like its mocking me. Maybe I’ll go out and do something for myself. I don’t usually go out alone, but maybe I’ll try it. Mmm no, I know I wont. So, Netflix here I come.

Job Hunt Day 1

To get a good job in today’s job market this is what you’ll need; a good resume, 25 years of experience, 73 degrees, a letter signed by the queen of England, and three strands of hair picked right from a witches mole.

If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. Yesterday I was looking at some postings and it seems that employers expect you to know what you will be doing on the job before you even have it. What’s up with that? I get it, it’s your company and you want the best, but no one is perfect.

Yesterday was day one of searching for a job. I’m looking at nearly anything. Jobs that are way above me, jobs that are right up my ally, and jobs that are very questionable.

I even joked to some friends that I’d be down to sell pictures of my feet, if it came down to that. I know a lot of people like that fetish type of stuff. I went a little further in saying I’d sell my used socks as well. I literally can’t find the line because I always cross it. Of course I’m not going to do that for reals… for now.

One of my friends suggested that I be a stripper. And although I’ve thought about it maybe once or nine times before. I don’t really have the body for it. Don’t get me wrong , I could get the body if I wanted to. But the face would still be the same. Ugly. But that can be covered by a mask. Masked stripper? Maybe that could be a thing? Spiral me to super stardom? Who knows. In the mean time I have to get in shape. So technically I still need a job.

Another friend suggested Doordash. Not my first option. But it’s an option nonetheless, and at least this way I won’t have to be buying socks every week. I signed up and got approved. Also signed up for Postmates. I’m desperate to leave my current job. Can’t you tell?

The thing that I don’t wnat to do is let my emotions get in the way of my thinking and quit without having a Plan B. So this is basically me “being smart”. But no doubt I will be on the search for a job that suits my needs. In the meantime I’ll be trying to keep my sanity and my composure at work. Even though I might lose one of those pretty soon.


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Hello My Name Is…

Hello, my name is Pedro.

Most of my friends call me Peter. In English that’s what my name translates to. When ever I meet someone new they instantly say, “hey! Vote for Pedro right?.” As if I was the one in the movie. (Napoleon Dynamite). That soon gets annoying. I’ve been nicknamed other things as well, like Peter Parker and Peter Pan. Peter Pan is the one that’s stuck around. I don’t mind it. I like Peter more than Pedro, don’t ask why.

I grew up in a small town just like everyone else basically. It was in between two big very known towns but it was quite a drive. I loved that town. It was perfect. At least that’s what was left in my brain from what I remember. Sadly though, I moved away when I was ten. My father got a job offer in the city I live in now. So we all had to move.

I grew up being a Jehovah Witness. That’s all I knew. That’s what my mom taught me. My father never had any interest in it so he never went to the gatherings. I had friends I had left behind and I didn’t make any when I moved here. I was rather a loner for the longest time.

We settled in with family until we finally found a home for us. School was extremely hard. I couldn’t make friends easily. I would mind my own business and try speak to anyone. Thank fully there was this one kid who took me under his wing. He was cool. We eventually started hanging out more and more until we became friends.

That only lasted two years. Back in the late 2000’s when the economy was terrible my father lost his job and we were short on money. That lasted a while until my father was deported back to his country of birth. He was a hard working man that really cared for his family and tried his best to support us economically, but unfortunately life isn’t always how we want it.

When all that happened, we moved back in with one of my aunts. My mother started working and I left public school and became homeschool to take care of my younger brother and my cousins. Then we moved from place to place until we finally found a nice little shack we call home since then.

I started working when I was 19 years old. It was at a fast food place everyone knows. I had a great time there meeting new people and making long lasting relationships with the people that worked there. I honestly did learn a lot working there. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.

While working there I became way more social then I had once been. Parties, eating out, going out, and just about everything in between. It was a time I thought I knew who I was, but I didn’t.

I bought my car just months before I quit there. Found a new job in less then a month, thank god. Then I dedicated my time and everything else to my religion. I shunned the friends I made that did not believe what I did. Months later I welcomed them back in my life and turned my back on religion.

After that it’s been a love and hate relationship between me and God. It wasn’t until the end of last year which really made me reconsider what I wanted in life. To live a double life? Or finally stay loyal to one side. I chose religion. Do I regret it? No.

But I got ahead of myself. In the beginning of 2017 my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. The years that followed were hectic. Complicated to say the least. But we got through it. Mastectomy, tissue transfer, and ultrasounds, but we made it.

Of course, there are so much more things that happened during those times. But those are other stories for other times.

Just wanted to let everyone know a little more about who I am.