We Are Confident

I am not that much of a confident person. If you were to ask people to describe me, confidence would not be a word that would come out of their mouth.

I have struggled with this word my whole life. I have always been a shy little boy. Even when I think I have the power to be that loud person that has the attention of every one in the room, it still makes me want to crawl into a whole.

There have been times when I have had to take center stage in everyone’s presence. I survived. But, I remember the feeling of burning liquid fire on my face, the feeling of being scared to move because my legs have ran away from my body, what was I standing with? Who knows, maybe faith?

Anyways, I have made it a goal for me to work on this.

What has helped me is the fact that I tell myself that people really don’t care about you. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I refer to, if you are thinking that your hair looks bad, some people haven’t even noticed. Or other minor things like that.

As an over thinker I always think of what others are thinking about me. I am putting thoughts in their head that they aren’t even thinking. That only hurts me.

Another way I have tried to better my confidence is my loving my body. I know I am not a Calvin Klein model, but hey, I’m not too shabby you know? Some times we don’t see how great we look and we hate everything about ourselves even when its not true.

I am still working on this little thing called confidence, there are so many other things involved too. Sometimes it just might not be your day, you feel gloomy, its just not in you. And that’s totally fine, shit happens. But we have to pick ourselves up and move on.

Because you are worth it, you are great, I believe in you.

We are great, we are Confident.

Just Be Yourself

Why you should be yourself all the time.

That’s a fun statement, while I was typing it up I was thinking to myself, ugh hopefully who ever reads this isn’t a douche bag or just flat out annoying.

I have a strong belief that everyone should be who they are. Authentic. This comes at a price though, because some people are just plain assholes. (If you’re an asshole please leave, there’s no need for you to read on or even be yourself).

Sometimes we get lost in trying to be who we aren’t for people we want to impress. Why should you have to change yourself to be liked? If you have to change yourself maybe you need to sit back and think about who you are trying to change for. Maybe that’s what you need to change.

I struggled with this all my life. I wrote about it in the previous post. Its OK to change something about you that you know people don’t like. Maybe they don’t like how mean you are, maybe you’re too upfront.

You can’t use the excuse, this is who I am, I’m just real like this if they get offended they get offended. Ok sure, but hey if you look around and you barely have any friends or people are always bailing on you, maybe you need to tone down that “realness”. I mean props for being the best you that you can be, but you can do better. Have some common sense and grow some empathy.

You can be who you want to be without hurting others. Yes people get upset because you don’t think the same way you do, but there’s a difference between intentionally hurting people and people not liking you just because they don’t like something about you or your opinions, then that’s on them.

Now that I have started this new life trying to please only myself I have started to enjoy it more. I can talk to my friends without being scared, without tiptoeing around things. I meet new people and I don’t put on this facade that I am great and that they should love me.

I love myself. That’s all I need. Self love is so hard to achieve now a days with all the trolls every where, and people trying to tell you what’s right and wrong. Just be yourself, go after what you want. Don’t stop just because some one tells you that you can’t make it. Yes you can.

I’m Not Waiting For 2020

This week has really been a week for me. And I know that may not seem like a surprise since I mainly almost say it nearly every week but that’s what my life has become only because I have let it.

There was a minor thing that happened last week, and I say minor because I refuse to give it power over me. Basically my mom told me that if I continued with my “worldly ways” she would have to cut ties with me and no longer communicate with me. This comes to no surprise to me and I think I have accepted the fact that it will happen weather I like it or not.

She said this because I told her I was going out for the whole entire Thanks Giving weekend. I didn’t tell here with who or where but she knew I was going to celebrate it, and that’s a huge no no for her. But, I was whatever about it, I have already accepted the fact that she is going to follow the instructions that they give her.

It’s almost weird, accepting that fact. Why would I want someone who isn’t going to accept me for me, even if it is my own mother.

My friends are all fighting with each other. I know what’s going on but at the same time I don’t. They always make plans and then someone always ends up canceling, and even though that is annoying, none of us can be mad about it because we all do it once in a while, so there is no reason for them to be fighting, I guess I have really petty friends. Plus, we are all adults, we all have life’s, and we need to be understanding with each other.

This time, unlike other times, where I am always trying to fix the situation and trying my best to get them all together again, I wont be doing so. Not this time, this time they can fix it on their own. It’s not my job honestly. I always lose my mind and forget about myself when I try to save them from themselves.

I have decided to take care of myself first. I come first. I’m going to start being selfish for once in my life, without losing the care that I have for others.

All my life I have been bending over for people, no wonder they come to me first because they know I will be there for them no mater what mental state I am at the moment, and I know that they know but do they care? Nope. I need to care for myself. If I don’t then who will?

And mind you I am not waiting for 2020. I’m not for all that “new year new me” bullshit, if I can better myself today why not do it today? Why the heck do I have to wait for a whole dam New Year?

No, this is my time, I don’t care what year it is, its about dam time that I start taking care of myself.

If You Want To Jump, I’ll Jump With You

I am a free, walking, on the go psychiatrist. There is no need to give me money or even ask for a way to compensate me because I am free.

 

That’s what people think. First of all, I am no where near a psychiatrist. Second, I don’t have no knowledge what so ever regarding anything basically. And third, my life is already screwed up as it is to be dealing with other peoples baggage or crap.

 

But what do people do? Well, they still go ahead and pull up a chair and willingly spill out all their demons for me to hear. Ok, maybe its my fault. I am really nice, and I have been told I am a great listener. Which is very true. I like listening to people, But I also like to communicate with them as well. Like a game of catch you know? You throw the ball back and forth. That’s how a good conversation should go.

Today, one of my coworkers that I have known for a while was telling me about all her troubles. Since we were at work she didn’t express herself just how she wanted to but I could see that all she wanted to do at that moment is cry out of frustration. I’ve been there before and girl let me tell you, I had no one. Wish I had but at the same time not, because eww, no one needs to see me crying.

I felt bad that I couldn’t do anything to help her (like c’mon, I do have a heart here). But at the same time she got herself in the hole she is drowning in. Look, I’m not the best for all the motivational crap stuff, don’t get me wrong I love to hear it, I just don’t know how to share it and pump some up or get them to move away from the cliff. My best motivational advice would be “if you want to jump I’ll jump with you.” Hell, to be completely honest I’d probably end up jumping first.

Today though, I was hit by the Motivational Spirit God. Let me tell you why. I told my coworker that even though it seemed like her world was going to be over, it was only a part of her life that she was currently living. And just like those happy moments she had in the past that ended, these tough times were also going to end.

WOW, I know right? What did I  have for breakfast today? I also told her to not give up. Giving up is one of the worst things we can do, and even though its the easiest thing and the option that is right there at our grasp, its not the right one. She smiled at me and proceeded to do what she had to do. In my  opinion those words I said deserved a hug, but that’s neither here nor there.

In the end, what I’m trying to get at is that I am always there to listen to people. And even though sometimes I get tired of their problems it does make me see that I am not the only one. We are all going through crap and it smells really bad. You know what we have to do? Help each other out bro! Sometimes, and I have noticed this in myself, when you help other people while you have problems you feel way better. Sure, you may not be able to take them away but at least you helped them see a brighter better edited picture, you know?

If I’m not making any sense, I’m sorry. Just go help someone feel better. OK? That’s basically it. Even if its you. Go smile in the mirror. Tell yourself you did a good job today. Look, you made it. You’re alive and breathing. You are unstoppable and I believe in you.

Gee, you know what?I just might change my “profession” from free psychiatrist to motivational speaker.


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Big Talk

I was looking back the other day on how far I have come. Not in the sense of success but in the sense of growth. Growth as a person.

I remember not too long ago I hated parties. Just the thought of going to one made my back shiver and gave me goosebumps all over my body. The thought of interacting with people I have never me just drove me crazy. I would ask myself, why would anyone talk to someone they don’t already know?

 

But, in reality we have all have talked to someone we don’t know. That’s the only way you got to meet the people you know very well now. You know them very well now, but at one point or another you never did. And now you talk to them not even remembering how terrified you were of starting the conversation in the beginning.

I guess what I am trying to say is how much I have changed. In this world, you really can’t be antisocial. Please, don’t get me wrong, I always get those doubts like, will they like me? What if I say something I wasn’t supposed to say? What if we have nothing to talk about? Will they want to be my friends? Will they think I’m weird? And about a million other questions always run through my mind.

 

But it’s the way I answer those questions that really gives me confidence. First, who cares what people say? Sure, you do, but if you are looking for their approval are they really that worth it? It reminds me of college frats. You must go through all these hoops and humiliating things just to join the club? Hell no! Be in a group that is accepting that will invite you to be part of them, if they don’t want you then they are missing out on one great person.

Second, there’s always that awkward silence when you first meet someone. You either don’t know what to say or you don’t want to say something that will upset them. Ok, well if you go back to the previous paragraph we literally just said “who cares” right? So, if we think like that this will take some pressure off. Ask them anything! Enough with the weather bullshit, we all know that its hot and its cold and global warming and shit, let’s talk about where you grew up, why you are the person whom you are today, what are your goals and dreams in this life? If you had one day left to live what would you do? No more small talk lets big talk!

I have learned that connecting with people and seeing that really everyone has fears and aspirations it has helped me come out of my shell. Sure, I’m not going to go talking to everyone I meet but if someone wants to talk and connect then yes, I’m all for it. And I know if I can do it, so can you.