Quit The Gym

What would you do to have the best body ever? How much time would you be willing to invest to have the greatest body you could ever have? How much money would you be willing to spend to get that body?

No, this isn’t an ad for something and I’m not selling any pills that will magically make you into that cover girl or get you that surfer dude’s body. These are just some of the questions I asked myself before I decided to quit the gym.

Yes, I quit the gym. I know in previous posts I was so eager to go back and be hit the gym hard and get toned and back into shape. But the thing is, I wasn’t going to do it for myself.

See, all my life I’ve wanted to be someone else. In the sense that I’ve always wanted to be more social, more out there, louder, and more confident. And this summer that was who I was. But where was all of that coming from? Where was my confidence coming from? From my body.

I thought that by looking good, people were generally going to accept me, and I live off of being accepted. Plus in my mind I always considered myself as fat. I’m not fat or obese. I’m only fifteen pounds over what I should actually weigh. And that’s not entirely bad.

This society made me think that in order to be accepted I have to be a certain size or shape. Even weight! I always felt that people would look at me like I was different, even to the point of thinking they would see me as ugly and detestable.

And a part of me, the very superficial part of me, thought that by having a good body I was going to be able to get the sexual attention I wanted. And I’m not going to lie, I got it. It was fun. It was great. But it wasn’t for me. The people who would be with me only wanted to be with me because they liked what they saw, and that’s not bad, but that’s all they saw. They never saw me. They didn’t want to get to know me. They just wanted my body. *insert what everyone is thinking here* (Get over yourself will you).

But I came to a conclusion the other day. My body should not be the reason I have friends, or relationships, or even where my confidence should come from. I am so much more than my body. So what if I gained a little weight? We all go through a rough patch with our bodies. I love food to much to say no to it.

On the other hand, I’m not saying I’m going to be consuming calories like the government consumes your taxes. No. Running is one of the most anti stress tools that I have ever found to help me. And I’ve always enjoyed it.

Do I need a gym for it? No there are parks. Do I need to pay for them? No, the government already takes my money to keep them nice and pretty. Will I be going crazy trying to get that Calvin Klein looking body? No, for once in my life I’m content with my body. And for once in my life I don’t need to be accepted by anyone to be happy. Because happiness does not come form other people. Or the acceptance of them. If they don’t like you why be around them? Happiness doesn’t come from them. It comes from within. I dare you to go find it.

The Truth

Have you ever wondered what it would have been like to be Hannah Montana? Or someone who you knew lived a double life? Let me tell you it’s not easy. It’s hard, tiring, and very stressful. Sure, the rush of being two different people can be very exciting. The thought of getting caught or living on a high wire makes your heart beat faster than anything else. You feel like a special agent. Like a spy even. But at what cost?

The moment I stopped living a double life it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was a good Christian at home and to some friends at church, but to the rest of the world I was a very sexual loud mouth party animal.

I found myself going to clubs every week on Friday’s and Saturday’s and then on Sunday waking up to go door to door to preach about Gods Kingdom.

I know, very ironic. But I found myself thinking of everything I was doing. The huge hypocrite I was becoming . It was a huge eye opener. How could I be doing all the things I was on the next day telling people they shouldn’t be doing? Hiding everything from one part of my life from people I really cared about. I was stressed, I was tired, and to a certain extent it wasn’t even fun anymore.

I had to choose a life. I had to choose what part I wanted to live and what part of me I had to let go. It wasn’t easy. But I chose one, and I don’t regret it. Not once have I thought of what I would have been if I would have chosen the other part of my life to follow.

I’m glad I’m finally living The Truth.

Best And Worst Saturday

Drinks, drunks, and good ass French fries.

This past Saturday I went out again. I know, before you start judging me let me tell you that I’m being safe (sorta) and I’m finally having the time of my life. Not holding back and not scared of anything.

This Saturday although it was great it was a little different than most nights I’ve gone out. Me and one of my friends hit up the club and chilled in the parking lot for about half an hour. Then suddenly there was a knock at my car window.

Some drunk guy wanted my friend. Since we are some bad ass bros, when my friend was asked if he wanted to dance with the guy he flat out told him no I want to dance with my friend. I thought the drunk guy was going to slice my throat open but he just walked away.

We were shook. The way the guy approached us was really weird. The rest of the night we were thinking that the guys was gonna key my car, that really killed the mood and my buzz. Not to mention the music really sucked.

Almost at the end of the night while we were dancing on the second stage, some old guy tripped and groped my friend. Like, everything bad happened to him that night I felt terrible.

He ran passed me and walked outside. I couldn’t believe it either. It was really awkward and very ugly. I saw it all happen inform of my eyes and I still couldn’t believe it.

We left soon after that. We went to eat at a taco shop and got some carne asada fries (if you don’t know what those are google them, you’ll thank me later). They were amazing!

We chilled at his house till 6am and then I went home. That Saturday was the best and worst Saturday I had been with this particular friend. He told me that I wasn’t fake and I actually am who I present my self to be. That’s basically the best compliment I have ever received.