Another Surgery

My mom just got home from surgery today. I know, another surgery. This will be the third surgery within three years. I shouldn’t complain because there are people out there that go through way more surgeries than this, and props to them, but I still see first hand the effects that it does on my mom, and its challenging.

She is brave though, I’ll tell you that. She walks in hospitals like its just another walk in the park. Like its just another thing she added to her to do list on that day. I really hope that this will be the last one. She needs a break from them. The human body wasn’t made to be opened up every once in a while, or at all actually.

She’s doing well. Still coming out of the anesthesia. The surgery she had today wasn’t too big. It was two hours or a little longer I think. They had to fix some scar tissue and damaged tissue from her last surgery.

Her last surgery about a year ago was a major ten hour surgery which involved tissue replacement and removal from a part of her stomach to her breasts, since the previous year she had her breast removed to do breast cancer. Last years surgery also involved moving some blood vessels, which is not an easy task for any doctor, seeing as they are complex things caring the very thing your body needs to function, blood

The only down side to all this (which yes, I will sound selfish for a bit but hear me out), is that people form her church will want to come visit her and “give their support”, aka tell her how blessed she is to be alive. Don’t get me wrong, yes I’m happy she is alive and well, its the meaning behind their words that I question, or their reasoning as to why they believe what they believe. 

Since they will be coming to visit I will have to be in contact with them. I haven’t seen any one from church for more than three months now, almost going on to four. I can’t just go hide in my room and pretend that I’m not home. I am civil still.

The thing is, will they ask what I have been up to? Will they even want to know what I have been doing with my life? Will they tell me that I should go back? That they “miss me”? What will I tell them? I want to be honest but I still want to be disrespectful. I believe that you can still keep your integrity without hurting other people, even though sometimes people will take your words and turn them into something that you really never even said, but that is on them at that point.

I hate how this was about my mother and I just went on to turn it around and make it all about me. Isn’t that funny?

Anyways, my mom is doing well for now and that is all that matters.

ICU, Paint, And Recovery

Success. My mother’s surgery went great. Ten long hours went by like a wink of an eye and it was soon over.

I’ve had an overwhelming amount of support from friends and people from church. I never imagined people would care. I know that most of them do it because it’s a nice thing to do. But I appreciate the ones that do it form the heart.

I haven’t slept much. While my mother has been in the hospital I wanted to surprise her when she comes back. I’m painting the kitchen and the bathroom. The bathroom will be blue and the kitchen will be white. I can’t wait for her to see it.

She’s been at the hospital since Friday. She was in ICU since this morning and then they moved her to a regular room. Which is great news. They want to discharge her by tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully she gets well soon. She’s walking on her own although she does need help getting up but that’s a great start.

Once she’s back home I’ll need to rest in between me taking care of her and also driving my brother to and from work. I don’t go back until October the ninth. I think I will be well rested for that.

Right now I’m trying really hard not to spend money since I’m not getting paid for this time off. But I know somehow we will get through this rut.

My Face Reflects Calmness And Peace

It is oficial. My mother’s reconstruction Breast surgery will be the 21st of this month. As happy I am for her I am also really scared.

We met with the surgeons and anesthesiologist who will be in the operating room the day of the surgery. They explained everything that they will be doing, the risks, and the benefits of the surgery.

Basically they will be taking part of the stomach tissue along with a vein or artery and be placing it where her breast was once at. To do so they have to remove a rib to get an artery connection.

This surgery will take about ten hours. If all goes well she will be in the hospital under intensive care for three to five days. Then she will be released and be in bed rest for about a month.

Some of the risks include; the artistes getting clogged up, a hernia, and losing too much blood causing death.

But we are optimistic. Well at least my mom is. I’m staying to say string for her but at the same time I’m screaming on the inside. I’m crying and throwing things around. My mind is one of the worst hurricanes in human history. But my face reflects calmes and peace.

She is strong. I am strong. I have never met anyone in my life as strong as my mother. Her faith moves me. Her strength makes me continue. Her live fuels me. She is one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. I hope to never forget that.

Go Fund Me

          In the looks of money shortage I have decided to start a Go Fund Me account. It wasn’t an easy decision. I am one of those people that doesn’t like to ask for help. Not because I am full of pride and what not, but because I don’t want to be dead weight on someone. I don’t want to seem like I am burden on someone. But things are complicated right now.

          My moms surgery turned out to be successful and things are looking great for her. Yes we’re still having trouble with the insurance again, and this time for the oncologist. Granted we were having trouble with them since the beginning. For instance, they are charging us the first appointments we went to back in March and April which some up to the hundreds. Things are hard as it is and with bills being pilled up on top just makes everything even more stressing.

          Yesterday my dog past away which just added more grief to the already huge mountain we have. I created this Go Fund Me account a while back a couple of weeks before we knew that my mom had breast cancer. I never published it or shared it because I was scared to. What would people say? How would I look? Like a failure? Like someone who couldn’t keep it together? These thoughts pushed me back and I thought I could do it on my own, but it seems like I can’t.

          I have been at my lowest for a while and I just need a little help getting back up. You don’t need to donate if you don’t want to, some words of encouragement will go a long way as well. Either way thank you.

 

 
 

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Moving This Mountain 

          Yesterday I took my mom to the doctor. It was time for her staples to come out. It was a little of a wait but when we finally got in they took the staples out. My mom said it didn’t hurt like she thought it was going to. When they were off she said she felt better. But then she looked down. I feel like my heart had just shattered into a million pieces then was set on fire. Looking at her face, seeing how hurt she was. Looking down and seeing what she saw. The scar that was now forming. 

          I put my hand on her shoulder and told her she was strong. Not because she’s my mom, but she is one of the strongest women I know. She felt a little better. I try my best to comfort her as best as I can. I know I can’t make that hurt that she feels go away but I can help her though it. She seems at peace with what happened but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t emotionally hurt still. It changes everything. 

          Like yesterday before we went she wanted to wear a scarf. I asked her why? She told me that she just felt like it. But I knew she just didn’t feel comfortable going out like that. That gave me such a pain in my chest. Knowing she feels that way. That people will look. Jerks. They don’t even know what we have gone through, but it’s the sad truth, they judge. So I let her wear it, and I told her she looked beautiful. 

          We are still trying to move this mountain. It’s hard but here we are. One day at a time. It gives me much joy seeing how she’s returning to herself. Getting up and waking around. Even yelling at my brother and me to make our beds and clean up. I missed her. I missed that part of her. The part that made her my mom. No matter what happened, she’s still my mom. She will always be, and I will always love her, And it makes me happy that with each day that passes by she gets better. Physically and emotional. 

And it will be moved