Here To Stay

I am a flip flopper. Better said I was?

My boyfriend told me recently that he is really scared that I will go back to my former religion. He said that living with my mother who is still in it will make me want to go back. He thinks that some of my former friends that are in that religion will find a way to convince me to return and drop everything I have with him.

Why does he feel this way? Because it has happened before. It has happened so many times I can’t count them all.

I will be living my life and then I’ll just drop everything and go back to the “religion” because I feel guilty. When I was dating him last year I did the same thing. I talked to him for about a month, and then I told him that I had to stop talking to him for religions reasons. But gladly we found our way back to each other after a year.

This is what scares him. Me leaving again, now that we have an established relationship and its honestly going great, he’s scared one day I’ll just up and leave.

There’s nothing I can do or say that will make him change his way of thinking. He feels that way because that’s what he knows and I can’t blame him or be mad at him for thinking that way. He’s allowed to.

All I can do is show him how committed I am to him. Show him that I am here to stay. I know for a fact that I don’t want to go back to the place I was in, but who’s to say that mentality will or wont change? It’s crazy for me to even think that I would return. I can’t even imagine it. But crazy shit happens all the time, doesn’t it?

Nothing is for certain in this life, nothing. Not even the love he says he has for me.

I Grew Up In A Cult

Picture yourself as a little kid. What is the best thing about being a kid? When you look back on your childhood what do you see? Do you see yourself having friends? Playing with them after school? Maybe you remember all your birthdays, or even the holidays when your family members would get together and enjoy the time spent with one another. Maybe back then all that you noticed was all the food on the table that you always longed for. If you didn’t get the chance to enjoy all of these things maybe you had a more simpler life, but you still had the freedom of being a kid.

I didn’t. I lost the opportunity of having the childhood I always wanted.

I never got the chance to celebrate Christmas, Halloween, or any other holiday. I never even had a birthday party. I barley had any friends. All this only because I was in a ‘religion’ but actually, it was in a Cult.

When I was a kid at school I loved being part of the festivities. They seemed fun and exciting and everyone was having fun. I tried my best to fit in. But as soon as I would get home all that had to stop. I lived a double life for most of my life. In school I was someone and at home I was the best Christian anyone could ever meet.

My mother has been a Jehovah Witness ever since I remember. I think she has always been, even before I was born. She still is one today. I grew up as one and I can say that it really fucked me up. I love my mother and I know all she wants for me is the best. The thing about cults is that some times you don’t even know you are in one. I actually never saw it as a cult and I was mad at God for it for so long, but now I see a lot better.

People think that cults are defined by being organizations that only cause external harm, they do riots, or they just represent nothing but evil. But that’s all wrong. I have been doing a lot of investigation on cults lately for my own good.

Cults are any organization that teaches their members to devote or even give their own life for that organization. They will manipulate their members into thinking they are doing good when in fact the organization has other plans in place. They will instill fear and guilt into their members to keep them inside and keep them doing all the rules that they themselves have set up.

In the JW world you can not be friends with anyone that is outside of the religion. Their thinking is, why would you be friends with someone who doesn’t believe the same things as you? Or, why would you be friends with a person who does not live their life the way you do? But in fact, what they are doing is keeping their members isolated from the rest of the world, this keeps them “in side”.

Another thing that identifies them as a cult is the fact that they have the policy of shunning. A lot of other religions and cults have this rule. It is not biblical. I have heard a lot about the text in the bible that says you are not supposed to sit with men who fornicate or do what’s wrong. Yes, I understand that. People make mistakes, but didn’t Jesus sit with them when he first started preaching? (Sorry to get all biblical). But he wanted to help them. How does one help someone when they are shunned? It only causes so much physiological damage.

A little more into the shunning, because it is a big deal. Imagine all of your family members are in this religion with you and you decide that maybe it just inst right for you. If you decide to leave, you better be aware that when and if you do, everyone that you love and all of your family members that are in this so called religion will stop communication with you. If they see you in the street at the store or even at a gas station they will go out of their way to leave as fast as they can. Because you are now considered an obscenity. If you need help, you wont get it. They will not answer your calls, they will not let you in their homes any more. You are dead to them. That is what they do. That is what they are told to do.

I ask, why? For the sole purpose of getting you back to the religion? They want you to feel so left out. They want you to feel like you don’t have anyone on your side. They want to make you feel alone, left for dead. They want you to feel like everything was taken away from you for not being part of the religion. All this in hopes that you will go back.

I’m sorry, I thought that religion consisted of a person loving God and wanting to get closer to Him, or wanted to be saved. That’s what I think religion is. So what does this sound like? A Cult. This is a form of manipulation. Oh, you want to leave the religion? Ok, make sure that you really want to because you will never get to see your family or friends again. People have committed suicide because of this! They have taken their own lives because they had everything taken away from them because an organization took their family members away only because they didn’t want to be part of that Cult anymore.

They don’t believe in education. They think it is a waste of time. If someone wants to go to college or university they look down upon you and say that you are being greedy and not giving your all to God. I read somewhere that what they really don’t want is for you to do is open your eyes, because while being in school you might figure out that you are in a cult. Plus, you will be surrounded by classmates that may persuade you to leave the organization, or worse, they might want to be your friend.

The funny thing is that they always insist on donating money as much as you can. How can someone possibly have a good living and still donate to a church like this? They make people feel guilty when they don’t donate money. They always bring up that old lady in the bible who donated all she had. There is a famous you tube video on one of the leaders of JW advising little kids that their “ice cream” money is better off being donated to the organization, and if they actually want to please God they will give their money to them. That takes, taking candy from a baby, to a whole new level right?

If its a religion why do they need so much money? Well, its for all the lawsuits they have going on over child sex abuse. Millions and millions of dollars are being paid out to these family members who are finally getting justice.

Why did they sue? Let me explain because it gets dicey. In this religion, when you have an issue, what ever it may be, you have to speak to the elders. Let me give an example, and in no way do I want to undermined child sex abuse because it is a big thing but this is only for the purpose that you understand.

Lets say I’m hanging out with a good friend, but this friend starts insulting me and saying things that aren’t true about me and other people and it starts to become offensive and cruel. I am mad and I tell the elders in the church (because in the church you are instructed that when you have an issue with someone you have to talk it out with the elders). I meet with two of them. They are very understanding and comforting. They hear me out. But in the end they ask one dumb question. Was there another person there who saw this? Why do they ask this? Because they have a “two people rule”. If something wrongfully was done to someone and that someone stands up and says something but does not have a second witness they will dismiss it. They wont even acknowledge it. SO because no one else heard this friend of mine say those things then that means that it didn’t happen and it just means that I was out to get him in trouble. Then there is a pin on me because I made a “false” accusation towards a fellow brother. Specially if he has a special role in church like a Servant or an Elder. They are going to believe them more.

That is what is happening all around the world in these congregations. In this Religion. Kids are coming forward and talking to these so called elders and they don’t do anything because of their stupid rules.

The elders are not allowed to call the police. They are instructed not to by the organization. They can not get involved with the law, they can only take care of “their own flock”.

One more thing before I go. If you are in this Cult and you have questions about it. You can do your research and investigations, but you can only use JW publications or only articles published by The Watchtower, which is part of JW. You can not go online and look for any outside information about the JW world. Why? They are scared you might find the actual truth. If they claim to have the truth why are they so scared to let their members just prove themselves wrong? Its exactly when your parents say, “because I said so.” Hmm, that’s not really convincing isn’t it?

I know I might have not even made any sense in this post with all the information I gave, but if you decide to take anything away from this, it is that you should be careful to what you are a part of. I’m not saying just the Jehovah Witness organization, I mean in all aspects. Research before you join something. Make sure that you get your sources from many different sources not just one, not just the one that they tell you too. Get opinions, ask around. Always get all the sides of the story, as many sides as you can.

And most importantly.

Be careful.

Great Things

My mother is one of the strongest women I know. I don’t say that because she is my mother but because I’ve seen what’s she’s been through and it amazes me how good of a person she still is. Some people would walk around like with a sour taste in their tongues wishing bad about people just like they have received themselves.

I’ve learned a lot from her, sometimes or should I say most of the time, she would tell me things and I would ignore her because I was always the one that was correct right? Wrong. The one thing I wish I had always done was actually pay attention to the instructions she had to say.

It a always been for my own good. She’s not greedy, she’s not mean, and she’s only shown love towards me. But like any other young adult the parents are the ones that are wrong and after us which is not true.

Parents have experience maybe twice as much as you have or even more, maybe it was a different era, different times, and obstacles but the concept was the same. So maybe you should listen to them no?

Of course I know there are some parents that have an exception. But still, finding the wrong in them before you give them a chance just doesn’t make any sense. We all need chances and some of us need more than others but sometimes those chances bring upon great things.