Where are you taking me?
I know I can’t ask much from you, though I have never really asked for much in the first place.
I feel like right now I am in a state between knowing what I have to do and not knowing at all what I should do.
I feel as if I am swimming. At one point it feels as though I am moving along with the water and it feels free and liberating, I almost make no movement while I float on and let the waves carry me where ever they want. But then once I notice, the waves are only taking me to sharp rocks with thousand feet water falls filled with sharks at the bottom ready to devour what ever drops down, that’s when I know I have been tricked.
I know that geographically speaking this is impossible, but its possible in my head. It happens. If I swim against the current I get weak and my body aches, my head starts throbbing and I can barely breathe. Why do I even try? I ask myself, but I do not respond.
Is it that I do not even want to talk to myself? Or is it that at this point there is no sense in speaking to my inner conscience? Has he given in to what life has thrown at him? Settled for less than what he wanted? Gave up on the dream he once had? Is he fading away into the vast darkness he was once running away from?
What do I tell him when he asks why he should keep swimming, when I myself do not have the answer? Should I lie? Should I make him believe in more lies just to keep him going? Because without him, then who am I? We need each other do we not? Or can one survive without that little voice in their head telling them right from wrong. Happy from sad. Everything and nothing.
The little voice in my head is fading, everyday it gets more faint than the day before. Should I be happy? Should I be sad? I tried asking him, but again he did not reply.