My Malibu fantasy was cut short yesterday. Technically it didn’t even happen at all.
This weekend my boyfriend and I got an Air B&B in Malibu right at the beach. I thought it would be perfect. It was right on the beach, great location, good ratings, everything we wanted.
Except we weren’t going to be alone. I’ll take full responsibility for this though. Because it was my first time, I didn’t chose the room wisely. There are places you can get alone, and there are places where the owner is there just in a separate room.
Although, I feel like I thought the listing said private? But any who, we might have ended up staying if the guy wasn’t so picky.
As we walked in he told us no shoes on the carpet. Ok, I mean sure. Then he told us we had to eat outside on the balcony. No food or drinks in the rooms either. Which was all that we packed for. Snacks so we could chill in the room the whole night. I mean Corona wasn’t going to let us do much. And a list of another things I lost track of in the end.
Once the tour was over my boyfriend looked at me and I looked at him and with out a doubt we grabbed our things and canceled the reservation. Sadly we didn’t get our money back which SUCKS, but we came home and still had a some what nice of an evening, until everyone started shooting fireworks.
Maybe there will be another time to visit Malibu. But now I know for sure to make sure that the place we get doesn’t come with a picky over the top owner that lives in the place to watch over our every move.
I spent almost two weeks at my boyfriends house for Christmas and New Years. I have to say it was a great vacation, and just like mostly everyone, now its back to the real life.
Coming back home I thought things would feel different. Usually when I am gone for so long things seem to feel off or not just right when I come back, sometimes old things just feel new. But its as if I was only gone for a day. I’m not really sure if that’s just how time flies by now or if I really didn’t miss being home.
Tomorrow I go back to school and on Wednesday I have my first internship interview. I was emailed on my winter break by my teacher notifying me to be ready. The interview is at a nonprofit organization in the next town over. I would have preferred it to be closer since I wont be getting paid for it but I have to remember that I need to do this for the experience.
I have been sick with a fever and some body aches since last Thursday, which has not been fun, and I’m really hopping it all goes away by the time I have my interview. Today I just woke up with a sore throat.
I have to unpack all my things, take a warm shower, buy medicine, and then go shop for some ‘business attire’ since I have to dress Gucci now. (Hello more debt).
Unpacking is so sad. Like, you come back home from having a good time and realize the party is over. The good times are all finished and it all just seems like a dream. Like you woke up and you have to try your best not to forget the small details and all the good moments that happened. Ugh its all so sad. But we can’t dwell on it.
That’s just life isn’t it? Well, back to the grind.
Do people still say that? Or do things just happen everywhere now?
Anyways let me get straight to the point here, I went to Las Vegas. What did I experience? a lot of homophobia. Maybe I didn’t notice before how people actually are but in Vegas? Out of all the places in the world that would be the last place I would expect it.
I went with my boyfriend and his friend out to eat at this sky thing that’s… in the sky. I’m pretty sure you know it if you have ever been to Vegas before. I want to make it very clear that every single moment spent with my boyfriend was like a fairy tale and I have no complaint. We were having a good time. Soon later the couple that sat next to us really gave us ‘the stare’.
Soon they waved the waitress over and whispered something in her ear, and then they moved to the table that was the farthest away from us, not even five minutes after they had been seated. I know I should give them the benefit of the doubt and think that they just didn’t like the location that they were seated at. But the way they looked at us was alarming.
That didn’t stop me from holding my boyfriends hand in public, even though I did notice he was sort of tense. We talked about it once we had come home the next day. Even walking on the streets people didn’t seem that too open about it either. But that’s all I’ll say about that.
In all, I had a great time. I actually had the time of my life. I can’t remember the last time I was that happy. Which brings me to my next sappy point, I think I’m really falling for this guy.
Last night I was laying in bed and I was thinking about him and I started laughing, I started giggling like a little boy in preschool. I looked like a dork. I don’t know why. I was grinning I was feeling all warm inside. And all I wanted to do was be with him. I didn’t get to see him yesterday but granted I did get to spend four whole days with him. I don’t get to see him again until the weekend and it can’t come soon enough.
Trees. I love them. I’ve never asked myself why though. When I drive and I look across the plains and see nothing but dry grass, it really brings me down. But trees, greenery, life. Maybe that’s what it is. It just all looks alive.
I took a very last minute huge/short vacation. I really did have the time of my life. It was a short five days but nonetheless it was so worth it.
It started with one of my moms friends. My moms friend has another friend who lives in Wyoming. That friend is a nanny (hope you stay with me here LoL). The family she nannies for was going on a work trip to Lake Tahoe. Allegedly the family is a doctor and they were having something there for them or whatever.
So that nanny told my moms friend that she should go visit her and she would hook her up with a hotel. And she did. All that my moms friend needed is find some one to drive her there which my mom kindly offered my services.
So we drove to Lake Tahoe on Wednesday and stayed for 2 days. Then the third we went to Sequoia national park. The huge trees as they say, since it was close, plus we really wanted to go too.
After that my moms friend wanted to go to the city where we grew up in. I took her there and we went around town. Small town. When we left, when I was little, the population was about only 5,000 people. And now it’s at 13,000. So it’s growing.
I still have family that lives there. My mom wanted to see them. I didn’t. Not because I hate them or anything. I really love them and they are great people. But, they Jehovah’s Witnesses. I wasn’t ready to be interrogated by them about why I wasn’t going anymore.
Right away they ask if I’m a servant (someone who helps the Pastora out), or a pioneer (someone who devotes 50 to 70 hours of door to door knocking). They are always looking for ways on how you can grow “spiritually”.
So instead after seeing the town we just left. But the whole trip in itself was great. I hiked a combined total of about 25 miles these past days. I’m a little worn out but it was so worth it.
This was a river up a hike that took us about 3 hours to climb. We were all dying half way up, but the view at the top was priceless. We hiked 2,000 feet.
Surprisingly, there was still snow up there. The elevation at this point was 7,000 feet. When I got there I threw myself on the snow. We were almost at the very top.
Here I’m on the tram going down. I think after hiking up for that long the best feeling in the world is knowing you won’t have to hike down. We just made it in time, we took the second to last tram down of the day.
Lake Tahoe. The thing is huge! The water, cold. But I still managed to go in and it felt great on my body. It was the day after the hike and we all just kind of chilled for a good second. Later that night, we all jumped in the Jacuzzi.
Next stop. The sequoias. If you haven’t seen these trees in person, you’re really missing out. This one right here in the picture believe it or not is a little more wide than two cars put together. Pretty sure it’s the thickest tree in the world, if it’s not then it’s a good competitor for first place.
Last stop. This is a view from my home town where I grew up in. There is a huge mountain that you can climb and at an edge there is a cliff that holds rocks. Many climbers go there. It’s a nice sight to see.
It is June already can you believe it? I swear just a couple of weeks ago we were complaining about how long January was. I feel as if we went from the start of the year right to the middle. What even happened in the middle? At least for me that’s how it feel. Life is passing by like a bullet.
June. June is a big month for me. Not only because it is in fact my birth month, but it is also the start of summer. Technically, it doesn’t start until the end of the summer, but here in Cali it officially starts at the beginning. Just yesterday the weather almost reached the 90’s. Not to mention that it’s the middle of the year as well. I don’t usually know how to feel about the middle of the year every year. Depends on how my year is going or if there is anything I am looking forward to the rest of the year.
What do I expect from June this year? Answers. I really want answers. If June will not give them to me I am in a position, or a state of mind, where, I’ll take them.
I have all these up coming events for the summer and I do not know what I will be doing. I can’t even start deciding because there are so many little factors that play in. So, that’s why I have to wait until June is done with and I have answers I need.
I have two road trips in the works for the month of August. I really want to go to both. One is for Utah and the other is for Idaho. I love road trips and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I need these road trips. I want them. I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to go. Or maybe I’ll just wing it and see what happens. Life is short. What if I do get a job? Then what?
Things with my best friend haven’t really been the on best of terms. And to be completely brutallyhonest, I really don’t care about him. If he would just decide to stop speaking to me and end the friendship I wouldn’t even flinch. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t need this high school drama. You want to be friends? You have an issue with me? Don’t text me, say it straight to my face.
So June, what do you have in store for me this year?
Life is a prankster isn’t It? I feel like It gives you something so then later on It can take it back with pleasure.
I thought this week was going to be one of the most bland weeks of this year to date. I didn’t work all week and my best friend is on vacation. I did not have any plans, but boy, was I wrong! I don’t know where to start. Nevermind I do.
First, my friend. He’s on vacation but he still wanted to keep a line of communication. Sure, that’s cool, I thought. Then he goes off saying that I haven’t been myself for the longest time. OOOOOHHH, don’t even get me started. He mentioned how I have been really distant with him. He even asked if it felt different that he was gone. OK LETS START:
He waits until hes thousands of miles away to bring something like this up? He waits until there’s literally a whole dam country in between us to bring up issues? I just think its so funny, no, actually, its hysterical. Let me tell you why, he only seems to care behind a screen and a keyboard because he would never ask or say anything like that in person.
The reason for me being distant is the fact that I’m not going to sit here and tell him everything that’s going on in my life and what my thoughts and feelings are when he can’t even tell me what you had for breakfast unless I interrogate him like an FBI agent. He had the audacity to ask if anything felt different since he wasn’t in town? UM NO. Everything is exactly the same bro. Nothing has changed. It’s not that we hanged out every other day when he was here, or we spoke at church. What is there to miss? What is there to be different? We are still messaging over the phone, for all I know he could just be chilling in his bedroom and not even be on vacation.
I digress, I told him what I was feeling. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. He knew my feelings were valid and because he hates to be wrong he said he really didn’t want to argue with me and would want to save or salvage the remaining part of out friendship. Ok, nice save smart a**. But this is not over. Its not that I want to fight, but I’m the end of my rope here. I’ll tell you exactly what I feel. I can’t do this high school back and forth thing, its about time he knows how he makes me feel, and if he gets offended or hurt that’s on him. I’m tired of complaining about him, aren’t you tired of hearing about him?
In other news, my ex-girlfriend andher mom texted me. I was surprised when I checked my missed calls and so my ex’s name. I thought it must have been a mistake, surely she didn’t have anything else to say to me after months of not speaking to me. I texted her and she replied saying how she needed to know what I still felt about her. Pulled the scab right off didn’t she? I told her that I would always have feelings for her, and it’s true. She was never the issue. It was her parents. They screwed it up pretty bad. I don’t think I want to get back together with her though… yet.
Her mom texted me as well. She has a weird habit of checking up on me. It’s sickening sweet. She wont go two weeks without asking how I’m doing. (Its regret isn’t?) This time she sent me a photo of my ex’s room. In it, there were the balloons I had gotten my ex with all the stuffed animals I had gotten her throughout our relationship. Her mom captioned the photo saying how her daughter still keeps all those things right next to her bed. She even cracked a joke saying how when she buys helium balloons they don’t last a day without falling to the grown, meanwhile the ones I got her more than half a year ago are still floating in the air.
WHAT is going on? Is the universe trying to pull a joke on me? Life? Its taking away my best friend and trying to replace that spot with my ex’s mom and then trying to get me back with her daughter? I’m confused. I have already been through a falling out with this friend before, I don’t need that to happen again. You either stay or you go. Also, I think it’s too soon to get back with my ex. I like her to death but I’m not ready for all the baggage she brings along with her. What if I want to date someone else? I still don’t know if I like guys or girls more? I don’t even know if I need to look into that. I don’t know who I am and life and the universe are freaking asking me that dumb question “please describe yourself and your hopes and dreams.” I really need them to back the hell up and get off my back.
Last year during this exact weekend I was on a road trip with two of my good friends. Sadly I had a falling out with one of them. We tried to fix our issues and we did, but that still doesn’t make us the best of friends, we’re still very much distant. It is nice remembering those times. I love road trips. I haven’t been on one in a while and it makes me feel trapped.
If you live in America (USA) you know that today is Memorial day. Since it is a national holiday here most people have the day off. Which is great. I did too. Since I will be out of a job in a couple of months I decided to take my vacation now. I had acquired four days and I decided to put them in this week to complete a full week off.
There hasn’t been much work at my job lately. I was off for two days last week because of that. So I thought I might as well put in a full week and get paid for it. Our boss told us that it is only going to get slower. For me, I don’t mind it. As long as I get at least four hours of work a day that’s fine. It’s like a part time job.
The issue is that I have nothing to do. I already finished what I was binge watching on Netflix. I did start watching this show called The Society. I’ts honestly really good. It’s about these school kids that go on a field trip or something far away, the night falls and the driver says that they have to go back home because the roads are closed, when they get back, there are no parents, there are no adults, there’s no one. Just them. They try to leave but the roads that lead out of town are now blocked by woods that seemed to have been there forever but weren’t there yesterday. I recommend it.
Also, my best friend is in Cancun these whole week. One of the church elders had invited him last summer. He saved up and I’m pretty sure whatever he wasn’t able to pay for his parents chipped in like they always do. I can’t say that I feel any different about it though. It’s like he’s not even gone. I only see him at church, and when I say seehim, that’s exactly what I mean. It’s been weird between us for a while now, not sure what to make of that.
So, there really isn’t much for me to do this week but just chill. The weather is going to be one of the best so far this year. It’s like its mocking me. Maybe I’ll go out and do something for myself. I don’t usually go out alone, but maybe I’ll try it. Mmm no, I know I wont. So, Netflix here I come.
This past Monday I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain. For all you oldies or people that only read books, it’s an amusement park with extreme rides. I had a blast and I really enjoyed my time there. You think that time would fly by but it actually didn’t. It dragged on and it felt great. I actually never felt that way. And if I had, it has been a real long since i can’t remember.
I thought it was going to be packed and the lines were going to be long but it was the total opposite. The most we waited was 25 minutes and that was only because it was the last ride of the day and everyone was getting on it.
I went with my best friend. Yes, best friend. I consider him my best best friend now. We have been getting real close lately. I have been more open with him and so has he. Told him I’m gay? No. I don’t think we are there yet. I don’t think we will ever get there. But he never asks so maybe he knows already? Wouldn’t that be swell.
When I came back to real life on Tuesday I had vacation sickness . Like you know when you are away from home and you miss home, so you’re homesick. So I came back from a mini day-cation. So I was day-cationsick. Which sucked because I really just wanted to be happy but coming back it’s like uuuuhhhhg you know?
But it’s been slowly fading. I’m just now coming back down from the high of excitement I was on. That’s the thing with me. I can be so high and then come crashing down all at once or stay up there for the longest time so then when I do come down it’s just terrible.
In other news I might quit my call center job. It has me stressed. Although I have been liking the expensive life, that might need to stop though.
Breathe in and out. Feel the sand run through your toes. Feel the rays of the sun jump on your skin and gracefully caress your face. You hear the waves of the ocean splash against the shore. People laughing. Kids playing in the sand. And it’s calm. It’s all calm.
You remember what it’s like being a kid. You remember how you father helped you get up when you first fell off your bike. You remember your mom teaching you how to tie your shoes. You remember how much fun you had in school. How you couldn’t wait to go back. You remember how you never fought with your friends. And when you did, did you remember the next day? No.
You suddenly feel that feeling you felt when you were young on Sunday mornings. Waiting for a bright future. You remember those waffles that only your mom knew how to make. How your dad loved football and always had snacks on Sundays. You remember feeling warm every Christmas Eve. And you couldn’t wait for New Years to come around to finally stay up past your bed time.
The candy’s on halloween and valentines. Your first crush. Your first love. You breathe in and smell that first day of school smell. That first car you bought with your own money.
Everything is calm.
You run your hands through the oceans sands and remember how it felt to always have your blanket. How it protected you from the monsters and the ghouls. How it felt hugging your dad when he came home. How it felt holding your first loves hand. In the winter it was cold, and in the summer you would just high five.
You open your eyes. The ocean is blue and the sky is a piercing orange. The end of another day. Just to be soon the beginning of another. The water waves at you. You wave back, and everything is calm.
Yesterday I went to the beach. It was a small day-cation. I really needed it. And I had the time of my life.
I LOVE nature! Like a lot. Well, I wouldn't go chain myself to a tree like a nature freak but I do admire its beauty. I like being surrounded by trees. Green green green. To hear the wind dance through the branches of the trees and smell the freshness of the air as it caresses my face is one of the best feelings ever. Relaxing. A feeling you don't get everyday. And trust me I need a vacation.
Seeing as Labor Day weekend is just around the corner I told my mom I wanted to travel. Last year we went to Sequoia National Park also on Labor Day weekend. It was my third time going and I never get bored. Going back seems so familiar but everything feels so different. It's definitely a new experience every time. Now I want to go back.
At first I wanted to go to Yosemite since I have not been there yet. But seeing as how my mom just is recuperating still I think Sequoia will be easier for her. She's moving around more and even drives now. And also we plan to see waterfalls this time and the trails to them are really easy and actually not that far.
I can't wait to go back, I wish I could stay the night, and maybe one day even camp. I love trees. I love the forest. Nature is awesome!